The Tale Of The Farmers
Nonsense
Once there were two farmers. They shared a plot of land, and they had an agreement on who would grow which crops from year to year. The reason that they had to share the same land was rather complicated, and went back several generations.
Technically, they were relatives, and shared in an inheritance, that when received had made them promise to agree upon their current arrangement. On the surface it was very amicable, but the truth was anything but.
Come harvest time, they’d learned a long time ago to stay out of each other’s way, lest any unforeseen “accidents” happen to either one of them. A stipulation of their inheritance that only a “natural” death could allow the other to inherit the land, although the exact terms of “natural” were left open to legal interpretation.
The only county lawyer in town had long extricated himself from any involvement between the two, as it was believed that due to their deep and mutual hatred, any “accidents” would prove to be entangling, to say the least.
So as farmer number one was out preparing for his watermelon harvest, he noticed a peculiar vine growing just outside of his watermelon patch. As he got closer, he became more curious. When he peered down to get a closer look at the watermelon patch vine intruder, it reached up and wrapped itself around his neck.
Before he knew what had hit him, he was pulled down into a previously undiscovered subterranean cavern, where there was a table waiting for him.
He was strapped into the table, and the torture began.
Of course, the torture didn’t last very long owing to his weak heart, and he died peacefully, dreaming about delicious watermelon pies from a childhood where such horrible fantasies hadn’t been realized yet.
The other farmer, however, had no ideas what was going on, as he hadn’t planned any of this. He merely woke up, and wondered where his rival had gone.
When he went out to look for him, and found the unharvested patch of watermelons, he figured that his half brother had retired.
All the while, they were watching, and waiting.
Until all was consumed in an unholy ball of cleansing fire.