Reality Reconstruction

No Strings Attached?

There is a proven law in the world of persuasion that is so effective, it allowed a cultish religious group to go from barely scraping by to raking in millions of dollars a year in donations. So much so that this particular organization was later busted for tax evasion.

This simple law has also been shown by waiters and waitresses in the know to drastically increase the amount of their tips, merely adding a few extra words during the time in which they take their customers order.

Even cultures are based around this law. Ridley, in his book “The Origins of Virtue,” described this as “gift giving as a weapon.”

What is this powerful tool? This irresistible law of influence that it has been used, even by you?

Reciprocity.

The aforementioned religious group was the Hare Krishnas. Before they discovered this law, they would simply ask people for donations in the airports. Most people wouldn’t give them the time of day.

But then they switched their tactics. They gave a small flower to their “mark,” and then asked them for a small donation. It’s important to understand they way they gave it to them.

Giving a flower, and asking for a donation sounds similar to a “you scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours kind of arrangement,” but the way the exchange happened, it was anything but.

The flower was first given, as a gift. No strings, no expressions of future expectation. Simply, “Here, this flower is for you.” Then they would ask if they could possible get a small donation.

They made no statement about the flower, or even motioned towards the flower. The two incidents, the giving of the flower, and the asking for the donation, were treated completely separately.

Once they Krishnas started handing out flowers, they money started coming in.

In a famous experiment described in Cialdini’s “Influence, Science and Practice,” this was shown experimentally several times.

It was set up with two people, A and B. Then a third person came in, C. B and C were in a room, looking at pictures, and writing down their impressions. C thought that A was doing an experiment, and B and C were participating in the experiment.

However, C was the only test subject, with A and B in on the game.

Half the time, B would disappear momentarily. He came back with two cokes, and gave one to C.

But all of the time, B would ask C if he would buy some raffle tickets for his kids baseball club (or some other club.)

The times that B gave C a coke a few minutes before asking, C bought a raffle ticket over 70% of the time.

The times that B didn’t give C a coke, he bought one less than 30% of the time.

A great way to use this law of influence if you are a waiter or waitress, is to give your customers some “inside information.” The apple pie isn’t so fresh, or the fish is actually frozen. They’ll appreciate the advice, and when it comes time to tip, they’ll be more generous. Reciprocity in action.

One thing to keep in mind, is that the feeling of reciprocity does have a shelf life. It generally dies very quickly, so if you are going to apply this law, keep in mind a couple things.

Don’t ask for the favor too soon after you did something nice. Then it will appear to obvious and underhanded. But if you wait too long, the effect will die out.

If you are on the receiving end, there’s not much you can do. Simply refusing a request, after you’ve accepted a gift is a hard thing to do. The best bet is to simply beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

Studies have shown that the more personalized, and unique a gift or favor is, the more effect it will have.

Buying a beautiful woman a drink at a bar may be a step in the right direction, but it won’t likely have any strong effect of reciprocity. Unless of course you do it in a personal and unique way. I suppose you could spy on her and watch what she’s drinking, and eavesdrop so you can learn her name, and then show up, call her by name, and give her her favorite drink, but that would probably be too creepy.

This works best in established relationships. If you get to know a person, and really get to know their likes and dislikes, then giving a personalized, unique gift can have tremendous effects.

The best salespeople are the ones that develop genuine relationships with their clients, and really pay attention to what they have to say.

Getting an automated email on your birthday is one thing, but sending a hand written note on a card, that speaks to who you really are will put you ahead of the pack.

This is one automatic hot button that you should be aware of in today’s world where we are seemingly surrounded by marketers. Pay attention to the giver, not the gift. What do they want? Do you know they well? Would you feel comfortable granting them a favor in the future?

As the saying goes, nothing is more expensive than a free gift.

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