Sleight of Mouth – Decision Framing
How’d You Come Up With That?
Sleight of Mouth language powers are among the most useful language patterns you can learn to affect personal change in others as well as easily overcome objections and obstacles. They have been used from anything from therapy to seduction.
Today’s pattern is the “Decision Frame.” This is based on the idea that when we state a belief or objection, we somehow think that the idea is “out there” somewhere, and it exists independent of us and our thinking.
However, once you delve into some of your own personal beliefs, and take an inventory of the beliefs you hold today compared to five or ten, or even twenty years ago, it becomes clear that all beliefs exist only in our heads.
To use this particular conversational reframe, all you need to do is speak of the belief as if it were a conscious decision made by the person you are speaking with. You don’t to suggest any alternatives, or judgment regarding their belief, as merely playing with the idea that their belief or objection is a result of their own decision making process, a whole new world of possibility will open up to them.
If you are familiar with some of the other sleight of mouth patterns, any one or combination will be much more effective when used immediately after this particular pattern.
Let’s look at some examples
I can’t wake up early because it’s too difficult.
How exactly did you come to this conclusion? Was there ever a time when it was difficult and you still got up on time? How exactly do you measure the difficulty,and make a decision regarding it’s impact on your ability to wake up?
I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.
Did you do a statistically sound study to determine this? Or did somebody you trust and respect tell you this? Are there any published numbers regarding ability to get a job compared to level of education? How many jobs did you apply for and get turned down solely due to your lack of education before you came up with your theory?
I can’t find a girlfriend because I can’t talk to girls.
How many girls did you talk to before you decided that was the reason? When exactly did you come to this conclusion? Do you imagine ever changing your mind any time in the future?
I can’t buy your product, it’s too expensive.
And how exactly did you decide that? It’s important, because our product may very well be over priced. Was there a certain range you had in mind before you left your house today? Or do you base the price on how you feel when you are introduced to a new product or service? How do you feel when you know the time is right to buy something?
I can’t study all these patterns, because they are too difficult.
I’m interested how you came to the conclusion that they are too difficult if you haven’t studied them yet. Did you study one or two of them, and figure the rest were the same? How long do you generally look at something before making the determination that it’s too difficult?
I could never use these patterns in a normal conversation, I would feel too awkward and strange.
Since you’ve never used them before, I’m guessing you’ve felt awkward and strange before, and you think maybe these will produce the same feeling of awkwardness? How did you come to that conclusion? How do you imagine people reacting when you use these particular patterns?
(end examples)
Just by reading the naked text, these patterns can certainly be used without any kindness or obvious concern for the other person’s resourcefulness. It’s important to remember these patterns, and this one in particular, that you aren’t coming from a place of superiority, bent on proving the other person wrong.
It’s much more effective to become purely curious and interested in the other person, and how they formed their beliefs. Then once you get them speaking in terms of decisions and options, you can leave the belief change up to them. People are generally pretty skilled at changing their minds for the better when given an adequate opportunity.
