Sleight of Mouth language powers are among the most useful language patterns you can learn to affect personal change in others as well as easily overcome objections and obstacles. They have been used from anything from therapy to seduction.

Today’s pattern is the “Decision Frame.” This is based on the idea that when we state a belief or objection, we somehow think that the idea is “out there” somewhere, and it exists independent of us and our thinking.

However, once you delve into some of your own personal beliefs, and take an inventory of the beliefs you hold today compared to five or ten, or even twenty years ago, it becomes clear that all beliefs exist only in our heads.

To use this particular conversational reframe, all you need to do is speak of the belief as if it were a conscious decision made by the person you are speaking with. You don’t to suggest any alternatives, or judgment regarding their belief, as merely playing with the idea that their belief or objection is a result of their own decision making process, a whole new world of possibility will open up to them.

If you are familiar with some of the other sleight of mouth patterns, any one or combination will be much more effective when used immediately after this particular pattern.

Let’s look at some examples

I can’t wake up early because it’s too difficult.

How exactly did you come to this conclusion? Was there ever a time when it was difficult and you still got up on time? How exactly do you measure the difficulty,and make a decision regarding it’s impact on your ability to wake up?

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Did you do a statistically sound study to determine this? Or did somebody you trust and respect tell you this? Are there any published numbers regarding ability to get a job compared to level of education? How many jobs did you apply for and get turned down solely due to your lack of education before you came up with your theory?

I can’t find a girlfriend because I can’t talk to girls.

How many girls did you talk to before you decided that was the reason? When exactly did you come to this conclusion? Do you imagine ever changing your mind any time in the future?

I can’t buy your product, it’s too expensive.

And how exactly did you decide that? It’s important, because our product may very well be over priced. Was there a certain range you had in mind before you left your house today? Or do you base the price on how you feel when you are introduced to a new product or service? How do you feel when you know the time is right to buy something?

I can’t study all these patterns, because they are too difficult.

I’m interested how you came to the conclusion that they are too difficult if you haven’t studied them yet. Did you study one or two of them, and figure the rest were the same? How long do you generally look at something before making the determination that it’s too difficult?

I could never use these patterns in a normal conversation, I would feel too awkward and strange.

Since you’ve never used them before, I’m guessing you’ve felt awkward and strange before, and you think maybe these will produce the same feeling of awkwardness? How did you come to that conclusion? How do you imagine people reacting when you use these particular patterns?

(end examples)

Just by reading the naked text, these patterns can certainly be used without any kindness or obvious concern for the other person’s resourcefulness. It’s important to remember these patterns, and this one in particular, that you aren’t coming from a place of superiority, bent on proving the other person wrong.

It’s much more effective to become purely curious and interested in the other person, and how they formed their beliefs. Then once you get them speaking in terms of decisions and options, you can leave the belief change up to them. People are generally pretty skilled at changing their minds for the better when given an adequate opportunity.

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Without question, Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns are the easiest way to covertly sneak your ideas inside somebody else’s head without any detection whatsoever. When used correctly, they will take your ideas and suggestions as their own, thereby offering no resistance at all. These patterns have been used for everything from sales and seduction to therapeutic belief change and drastically increasing personal resources.

Today’s pattern is a fun one to play with, and is called the “What If Frame.” In this particular reframe, you accept your listeners’s beliefs, and then ask them to imagine what would happen if things were different. Simply by imagining an alternative reality (or what we think of as reality) we can discover untold resources that we didn’t even know existed before.

Before getting into this reframe, a little bit about conditional grammatical structures. (huh?)

Basically there are two types. The first type (first conditionals for all you grammar nerds) is when speaking about an event that is likely to happen, or has a decent chance of happening. This pattern uses “if,” present tense verbs, and the auxiliary verb “will.”

If it rains tonight, I will wear my raincoat.

If I run out of money, I will go to the ATM.

If I eat too much past, I will get gas.

The second type (second conditional for the aforementioned grammar fans) is when something has very little chance of actually happening, or is impossible. This uses “if,” past tense verbs, and the auxiliary verb “would.”

If I saw a UFO, I would grab my camera.

If I ate one million hamburgers, I would be very sick.

If I could slam dunk, I would be very famous.

The reason for bringing this up, is that sometimes using the second conditional is better. Even though few people will consciously discriminate between the first and second conditionals in casual conversation, we pick up on it subconsciously.

When speaking in a “What If” frame mind, using the second conditional can help your listener to fantasize about how things would be if they were different. They will subconsciously pick up that you’re speaking in terms of things that can’t really happen anyway, and they’ll be much more likely go to along with it.

And when they start imagining a different reality, one with much more possibility and resources, their mind will automatically start thinking of ways to get there.

To construct this pattern, simply accept their belief (stated as X causes Y, or X means Y), without arguing, and then playfully talk about how things would be if they were different.

If what things were different? Anything you want. If they didn’t believe that X causes Y, if X caused something else, If X only caused Y in certain circumstances, anything and everything is fine for this. So long as they go along with you in their imagination, this will work like a charm.

Make sure when doing this, not to take on the tone “Yea, if things were different, but they’re not, so we’re stuck.” Try and take on the tone of a little kid who can pretend that some box is a space ship fighting against aliens.

Some examples.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Yea, I can see how that’s one way to look at things. But what if you could? What if there were some way that you could start at a job without a college degree, and then work your way up through the system? What if there really were companies that based their promotions and management positions on the actual work that you did? If those companies did exist, how would you find them?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight.

Yea, lots of people would reject you for that, that’s for sure. But what if there were some people out there who were more concerned with your personality and your ability to communicate and really connect with people? (Notice the presuppositions?) If there were people like that out there, how would you find them, and start a conversation with them? How would you know them if you met them?

I can’t make money because I don’t have very good skills.

Yea, I’m sure it seems that way. But what if you could? What if you already had the skills to make money in some market? If that were true, how would you go about finding them?

I can’t buy your product because it is too expensive.

Yea, a lot of people say that, and I can’t disagree. But what if there were something about this particular product that made you want to buy it regardless of the cost? What if you were to realize that this product/service could help you out so much, it would be worth twice what we’re asking for it? How would you know if that were true?

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too complicated.

Yea, there certainly are a lot of them. But what if there was a way to learn them that made them fun and interesting, some way to imagine how your future would be if you mastered these patterns? How would that make you feel?

I could never use these patterns in real conversation. They’d feel too strange and awkward.

Yea, some of these patterns do sound pretty off the wall. But what if you could use these in a conversation, and nobody would know? What if these were so powerful, that they would send people on an internal search for various new meanings, and they wouldn’t even notice that you said anything strange or different? How cool would that be? How much extra money could you make?

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With the powerful Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns you can easily get inside somebody’s head (without them realizing it) and covertly twist their ideas around to give them a much more resourceful outlook on life. These can be used for destroying limiting beliefs, to drastically improve your sales, and to seduce whomever you please.

Today’s pattern is called the “Both Frame.” The basic idea is that when people express a belief or an objection, it’s set up as either a complex equivalent (X means Y) or a cause and effect (X causes Y). Although often times only one side will be stated, and you’ll have to extract the other side with your intuition based on the context of the conversation.

When people express these statements or ideas, they are usually in an “all or nothing” frame. There is no halfway point. When somebody says that they can’t get a good job because they don’t have a college degree, in their mind they mean that every single job they will get with their education will be a bad one.

If somebody says that being upset makes them eat ice cream, in their mind, anxiety creates one and only one response: Get the bucket of ice cream and the spoon. (Actually that doesn’t sound too bad right now, but I digress).

The idea then is to carefully introduce some kind of “halfway point” so that they have some more responses. When people express an objection or a limiting belief, they are expressing how they are stuck. They have built a rut in their minds, and they can’t think any other way. By introducing more choice, they can experience a new perspective. They can get that, “wow, I never thought of that before” feeling.

To use this conversationally, take the belief or objection at face value, and then wonder out loud about any other possibilities.

Some examples:

I can’t make the basketball team because I’m too short. (ALL assumption = height is the ONLY consideration by the coach).

Is that the first thing the coach checks, is how tall you are? Does he have any other criteria besides height, like teamwork, leadership, hustle, free throw shooting ability, inside shot, outside shot, anything like that?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight. (All or nothing assumption: Other people only care about weight and physical appearance)

Is that the only consideration people have regarding a potential relationship partner? I read this interesting article in Cosmo that said most people have about three or four different things that are important to them, and being in good physical shape is not the most important.

or

(All or nothing assumption: I can’t talk to anybody because it won’t turn into a relationship)

So you don’t want to talk to anybody and maybe be friends unless you are sure from the first minute that you are after them for a lifelong relationship?

I can’t buy your product, because it’s too expensive.

Do you always only look at the price when considering buying something? Have you ever bought something only because of price and later were disappointed? Does value, desire and expected pleasure from owning this product ever come into consideration?

I can’t learn all these language patterns because they are too difficult.

Do you have to learn all of them in one session? Is it possible to learn one this week, and another one next week? Imagine how powerful and persuasive you’d be six months from now!

I could never use these in a conversation, they would sound too awkward and uncomfortable.

(note: In this situation, the person is likely imagining using them for the first time in a high pressure sales situation, or an important point with an important person, like a boss or significant other, where losing an argument would mean a big deal.)

What would happen if you just playfully used these on Skype with somebody that you didn’t really know that well, when talking about something that didn’t really matter?

or

How does it feel to imagine using these with a practice partner, until you feel confident to start using them with others about inconsequential things, so you can better appreciate how powerful they really are?

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Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns are powerful linguistic phrases and arguments that can easily obliterate any objection and turn a limiting belief on it’s head. They can be used to improve any persuasive conversation from selling cars to seducing the lover of your dreams.

Today’s pattern is called “Metaphor Framing.” This is not a pattern per se, but it can be used to deliver any other pattern in manner that is conversational, non confrontational, and deeply effective on a subconscious level.

There are plenty of different definitions for metaphor. He is a brick house, is a metaphor describing some guy, who happens to be very large, in terms of a house.

The movie, “The Day The Earth Stood Still,” (the original version, at least) was a metaphor for the dangers of the cold war.

If you are a fan of Freud, sometimes a cigar is not just a cigar, if you catch my drift. (Just ask Monica Lewinski).

A metaphor, then, is any kind of language, story, or description, that is used to describe something else, without referring to it directly. It allows us to think about one thing in terms of another.

With these patterns, it allows your listener to try on some different ideas regarding their objection of belief, without really having to confront their objection or belief on a conscious level. Often times the belief merely vanishes.

This is how Milton Erickson did most of his amazing work. He would tell story after story about seemingly meaningless things, but when he was done, is clients problems were solved.

My favorite was a boy that came in because he wet the bed. Erickson told him stories about baseball, where it’s important to squeeze the glove just at the right time in order to catch the ball, as well as release just at the right time when you are throwing to home plate all the way from the outfield.

He also told him stories of big factories and valves and shut off switches.

So how do you use a metaphor with these patterns?

Use any of the other patterns, but talk about something completely different, but within the framework of the particular pattern you’d like to deliver.

For example, somebody says, “I can’t get a date because I’m too fat.”

One possible reframe could be that plenty of other overweight people are in happy relationships.

To put it into a metaphor, or a story, you could remind them of the story of Beauty and the Beast, and the moral that the person inside is more important in the relationship. Or tell some story of an old friend you haven’t seen in a while that was really big, but was always surrounded by attractive members of the opposite sex because he or she had such an outgoing and charming personality.

The important thing is to think of a story, and use a character in your story that is representative of the person you are speaking of. You can either have them take on the same objection, with disastrous results, or explain how they found a way around their obstacle and everybody lived happily ever after.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

That reminds me of this neighbor I used to have. He was always grumpy and unhappy. Never got married, never had any kids. Said he couldn’t afford them. He said he never was able to make much money because he barely finished high school. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that our other neighbor, who was the same age as him, was a high school drop out and was making six figures in some company where he started in the mail room and worked his way up.

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too difficult.

I’m glad Moses didn’t have that attitude when God charged him with leading the people out of the desert and into the promised land. The world would have been a much different place than it is today. It’s amazing that they were out there for forty years, living on who knows what, and they still made it to their destination.

I can’t use these patterns with others because it would be too awkward.

I wonder what the world would be like today if St. Paul felt that going into the various cities and preaching the Gospel felt too awkward?

or

I remember reading this poem by Rumi, this ancient Sufi poet. I don’t remember the words exactly, but it described the difference between fire and water. Fire seems to harsh and dangerous, but as soon as you step into it, you are in cool, relaxing water. But water, on the other hand, seems to inviting and peaceful on the outside, but once you step into it you are bathed in anguishing fire. I guess his point was that things that seem difficult on the outside are actually pretty useful and easy once you get past them, while things that seem easy and comfortable can keep you stuck in a living hell without hope for escape.

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Sleight of Mouth Language patterns are little known about but incredibly powerful linguistic tools that you can easily use during normal, everyday conversations with powerful effects. Easily dismantling beliefs and quickly and effectively overcoming objections, these patterns have been used for powerful therapeutic change and incredibly profitable sales techniques.

The focus this article is the “Identity Frame” pattern.

First, a bit about the concept of “identity.”

Many times, most times, we think of ourselves in various tenses of the “be” verb. Functionally, this verb is a linguistic equals sign, equating everything on one side of the equation, with everything on the other.

The simple sentence, “I am happy,” is equating the speaker with the feeling of happiness. Sounds simple and a bit pedantic, but it bears some consideration. Not so bad, but what happens when you don’t do something as well as you’d like, and you say, “I am a failure”? Now it gets a bit trickier. The moment you say that, your subconscious searches our memories and judgments for every other instance that you labeled somebody or something a “failure,” and puts you in that category as well.

Technically speaking, you are nothing. You do things, you think things, you remember things, you feel things, but what you really are is always changing. Even the atoms, molecules and cells that make up your physical body (including the brain you are using to read this and hopefully store some of this information for later use) are always being recycled.

You are a process, a process that is always changing. You can’t be anything.

So how do you use this idea in a conversational reframe?

You could take the two sides of the statement, and equate them as being one in the same. This is similar to the “Allness” frame.

Or you could take whatever belief or objection they are saying, and identify them with that particular belief. It’s a way of showing the person that they really are a lot more resourceful than letting their mind be held captive by some imaginary belief or objection.

For example, somebody says to you “I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.”

What could you identify about that belief, that the listener wouldn’t particularly like to be identified with?

How about:

• Somebody that lets others determine their potential
• Somebody who allows their future to be determined by a set of exams
• Somebody who only follows what the crowd does without much thought
• Somebody who quietly takes their spot in society and hopes for some table scraps from the big kids

To phrase this, it sometimes helps to assume they are the opposite of that identity, and let them prove it by living up to it. It’s tempting to cop an attitude (Oh, you’re on of those people!) but that only puts them on the defensive, which will strengthen their belief, and destroy your rapport.

What? I didn’t think you were the type that allowed some arbitrary rules set up by society to determine their life. I thought you were the kind of guy who made their own luck and did whatever you wanted despite what the so called “experts” said was best. Since when are you letting a bunch of goofball academics who don’t even know you set some imaginary limit on your career and earning potential?

Some others examples.

I can’t play basketball because I’m too short.

You mean there is some kind of height limit on playing basketball? Do the laws of physics change, making it impossible to make a basket if the ball is shot below a certain elevation?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight.

So everybody who doesn’t date is fat? And everybody who is fat can’t get a date? That can’t be true, because I see overweight people in relationships all the time. What would happen if you were skinny in a relationship and then got fat? Would it automatically stop? How does that work? Do you each get some kind of post card in the mail telling you it’s over? Who’s in charge of this system, anyway?

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too hard.

I thought you were the kind of person who likes a challenge, especially when learning something can make you a lot of money, and make it easy to have wonderful relationships. You didn’t give up when you started walking, did you? Unless you parents had to hire some kind of personal walking trainer for you when you were a year old…

I could never use these in a real conversation, it would feel too awkward.

Do you really identify yourself as somebody who never tries anything unless it feels totally comfortable the first time? You’re not one of those people that are afraid to leave the house, and have to wash your hands every fifteen seconds are you? (said in an obvious joking manner, after building a lot of rapport).

I can’t buy your product because it costs too much.

I read this article once about an old lady who hated to spend money. She would even sell the daily newspaper after she read it. She died a rich woman, but she wore the same ugly dress every day, and her kids hated her. You’re not like her, are you? (said in joking manner, after building a lot rapport).

(end examples)

Some of these are bit tough to stand by themselves, so in this case it’s a good idea to throw these reframes out jokingly, and then change the subject, and then come back with another pattern or two.

Even when you change the subject, your listener will have at least in part considered the idea of what it’s like to identify themselves with the belief in such a way. When you come back later with a couple more patterns, it will be much more easier to dismantle their belief or objection.

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Sleight of Mouth Language patterns are incredibly useful for not only covertly dismantling limiting beliefs and objections, but also for drastically increasing the resourcefulness of both yourself and whoever you happen to be using them with.

Today’s pattern is called “Have To Framing.” This particular pattern applies some Cartesian logic and invites the holder of the belief or objection to consider other alternatives.

Cartesian logic was created (or so people say) by some super smart French guy named Rene Descartes a few hundred years ago. You might have heard of him. It basically takes a cause/effect statement, or relationship, and expands on it, like so:

Statement: Doing X causes Y

Applying Cartesian mumbo jumbo gets you these questions:

• What else does X cause?
• What else causes Y?
• What doesn’t cause Y?
• Does X ever not cause Y?
• Does X ever cause the opposite of Y?
• Does Y ever happen without X?
• What would happen if you did X?
• What wouldn’t happen if you did X?
• What would happen if you didn’t do X?
• What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t do X?

When you conversationally bring up these questions about a belief or an objection, it’s almost impossible for your listener to maintain that the belief is some set in concrete law of reality from Heaven.

A great way to introduce these questions is by way of presuppositions. You can presuppose that there are other alternatives by asking what evidence they would see if one of the other Cartesian mumbo jumbo logic phrases were correct.

For example, somebody says “Being stressed makes me angry.”

So you have Stress causes anger.

Some Cartesian statements could be:

What else causes you to get angry?
What doesn’t cause you to get angry?
What else does stress cause you to do?
Does stress ever not make you not angry?

And then you could stick them in some presuppositions by asking something like follows:

How do you know when stress doesn’t make you angry?

Even if they look at you with a completely blank or confused look, in order to make sense of that sentence, they’ve got to search through their history and see if there actually are any memories of stress not causing anger. Just by searching, they will subconsciously realize that

stress causes anger

is only true sometimes, not all of the time. When they come to that realization, the belief loosens up a bit, and they’ll realize that there are other things to consider.

To generate this pattern, mull over some questions like:

• Do you have to feel that way?
• What would happen if you didn’t believe that?
• How would you know if that wasn’t true?
• What’s it like when that isn’t true?
• What stops you from believing otherwise?
• What would it look like, sound like, feel like, if the opposite were true?

Merely by asking some well phrased questions will send them into a quick trance as they search their memory. They will likely come up with some contradictory evidence of the belief or objection. This would be a great time to hit them with some other patterns to really fry their circuits, er I mean, share with them some other language patterns to help them become more resourceful.

(And naturally, once their previously held beliefs are swirling around their mind like wisps of imaginary smoke, you can lay on some heavy Milton Model patterns and really have some fun.)

Some more examples you say? Sure. I thought you’d never ask.

I can’t get a good job without a college degree.

How would you know if you really didn’t need a college degree to get a good job?

I can’t find somebody special because I’m overweight.

What’s stopping you from finding somebody special despite your concern with your weight?
What would you feel like if you really could find somebody that would accept you just the way you are?
How would you know if you could find somebody that would accept you just the way you are?

I can’t buy your product because it’s too expensive.

What would have to happen in order for you to be convinced that it really was worth the price?
How would you know once you decided that the high price meant it had exceptional value?
Have you ever bought something specifically because it had a high price?

I can’t learn these language patterns because they are too difficult.

How do you know that you don’t already know most of them?
What will feel like if you did master them?
What’s stopping you from thinking they are easy and fun to learn?

I could never use these patterns in a normal conversation.

What would it feel like if you did, and they worked tremendously?
What’s stopping you?
How would you know if that was gone? (Whatever is stopping them)
How would you know if it was actually really easy to use these in a conversation?

(end examples)

The best way, in my experience, is to be as playful as possible when using these particular patterns. If you try and come across as some super smart person sage your wisdom of enlightenment, it usually doesn’t work. If you come across like some amateur psychotherapist trying to help them discover their hidden power, that usually doesn’t work either.

But if you act like a little kid who just discovered that by twisting the handle on the drugstore gumball machine just right gets you a free gumball, and you’re anxious to try and find other ways to get free gumballs, people will usually play along.

Remember, your job, when people whine, ”But what if doesn’t work,” is to say,

“yea, but what if it does work???”

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When you use Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns, those powerful set of linguistic judo that come from NLP, you avail yourself to an incredibly powerful set of skills with which you can quickly and easily overcome any objection, obliterate any limiting belief, and drastically increase the resourcefulness of both yourself and your listener.

The pattern for today is called “Allness Framing,” and is very useful to quickly kill the idea that the belief or objection is “out there,” like some unbreakable law of reality delivered from heaven. In a round about way, it forces the listener to consider that their belief is completely subjective, and therefore malleable.

Basically, you take their belief, apply it to everybody and everything that ever lived, is living, and will live, and ask them if it really makes sense. They will naturally find that others in their same situation or circumstances have a different take on the same events. Since others have come to the same conclusion they have, perhaps their own belief isn’t as true as they once thought it was.

For example, somebody says they can’t get a date because they are overweight. They likely have an idea in their head that overweight people can’t be found attractive by others. You then casually ask them if all the other overweight people share that same belief. Since they obviously don’t, they are forced to reconsider their reason for not finding a date.

Since losing weight is pretty difficult, it can be a huge barrier to success if you feel that your weight is holding you back. Once you realize it’s not your weight, but something else, then that “whatever else” can be a much easier obstacle to overcome.

In some cases, shifting this one belief can be enough.

For example, if they walked into a social gathering, and had the belief “people don’t find overweight people attractive,” they wouldn’t likely be very sociable, and would have difficulty starting conversations.

But if they walked into a social gathering without that belief, or even the opposite, “plenty of people find overweight people attractive,” it could be much easier for them to start a conversation.

You can also apply the Allness Frame to your listener, but throughout their own lives.

For example, somebody says, “I can’t buy this product, it’s too expensive.”

You can ask them if they’d ever bought something before that was “too expensive,” but as it turned out, that particular thing, whatever it was, was well worth the money.

It may not get you the sale right away, but it will likely bring out what may be the “real objection,” such as product features or something else that you can more easily work with.

Some more examples.

I can’t get a college degree because I didn’t get a scholarship.

You mean nobody who gets a scholarship ever gets a scholarship? Wow, that’s pretty rough. I didn’t know that. Wait a minute, I didn’t get a scholarship and I’m getting a college degree. What exactly are you talking about?

Being stressed forces me to eat a pint of ice cream every night.

Ever since you were a kid you’ve been eating ice cream every single time you get stressed? You mean you have a portable freezer in your car, and every time there’s too much traffic, and you may be late to wherever you are going, you pull out the ice cream and start munching away? That’s pretty ingenious of you! But what happens when you are stressed because there is no more ice cream? What do you do then?

It’s too difficult to lose weight.

Really? Nobody who ever lived has ever lost weight? I wasn’t aware of that. I guess I’d better be careful.

I can’t learn these language patterns, they are too difficult.

If they are too difficult to learn, how did so many books get written about them? Surely those people had to learn them enough to write the books? Maybe they were born knowing all these patterns?

I’ll never be able to use these patterns in a normal conversation, it would seem to weird and unnatural.

So nobody has ever learned a new way to talk? Nobody has ever taken a risk in public or in a social situation? The words that you know now, you knew them right when you were born, and you never went through the natural language learning curve, where you used words incorrectly or strangely? You are a fascinating person. What other talents were you born with?

(end examples)

Be a bit careful with these, as often times when you take away the “out there” hallucination that people hold with their beliefs, they are sometimes forced to confront their own shortcomings.  It can be difficult to accept that other people can do certain things, but you can’t. So people tend to fight tooth and nail to hold on to their “out there” hallucinations about their beliefs.

As with all the other patterns, introduce these conversationally, spaced out enough over time, and allow them to slowly come to their own conclusion about their beliefs.

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When you use Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns, you open up a door to powerful conversational reframing that will allow you to easily and effortlessly overcome any objection and smash any limiting belief with impunity. Never again will you lose an argument or be at a loss for words.

Today’s pattern is called “Values And Criteria Framing,” and is very powerful. First of all, what are values and criteria?

For something specific, like buying a car, a particular criterion may be color, or engine size, or number of seats. For other things like movies, restaurants, housing locations, we all have our own specific criteria based on our own tastes. Personally, I like action movies, Mexican restaurants, and quite neighborhoods, preferably near a school or park.

When we start talking about so called “higher level” criteria, about very important things like life and relationships they start to get very vague.

What’s important to you in a relationship? You’ll likely come up with some descriptions like mutual trust and respect, mutual appreciation, open and honest communication. But what do these terms really mean? How exactly can you measure them. The truth is that you can’t. You can certainly feel when they are true and when they are not. You can certainly see evidence of them. Most of the time you just know if you have them or not.

These are the vague, criteria and values that you can leverage to overcome objections and limiting beliefs.

Whenever you apply these so called “higher level” values and criteria to “lower level” objections or beliefs, they have a tendency to “work downwards,” and effectively re-organize the lower level objection.

For example, somebody buying a product may object that it’s too expensive. What could be some higher level criteria?

Value
Satisfaction
Security

These are hard to define, but are held by most people when they got out shopping for whatever they happen to be looking for. When you apply them to the objection, the objection seems to be much less important.

I can’t buy this product because it’s too expensive.

Yea, I’m sure it feels that way. But when you think about what’s really important, and think about how your decision today will affect your long term satisfaction with whatever product you decide to buy, I wonder if you can’t really see how this product has an incredible amount of value, which can easily give you the security your looking for.

Another example, somebody says that they can’t find a romantic partner because they are overweight.

What are some possible higher level criteria or values?

Connection
Communication
Mutual Respect
Mutual Appreciation

So a possible response may be:

Yea, it does seem tough these days to find “The One.” And when you imagine how wonderful your ideal relationship will be, don’t those feelings of true connection and communication with somebody seem a little bit more important than worrying about a few extra pounds? Isn’t it more important to focus on what’s really important, things like finding mutual respect and appreciation, rather than worrying about the few people who will reject you because of your weight?

How about another:

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too confusing and difficult, let alone use them in a normal conversation.

Yes, learning new things is always difficult, especially when you are learning new ways to communicate with others. What’s really important is how much more resourceful you’ll be once you’ve mastered these patterns, and how you can easily destroy not only your own limiting beliefs, but those of your friends and family as well. And when you think about how useful and effective persuasive communication is in all areas of life, it can make any worries about learning them small in comparison.

A word about criteria.

All of us have a set of criteria that we spend our whole lives trying to fulfill. Whenever you speak with someone regarding their own criteria, treat whatever they say with the utmost respect.

And always use the exact same words they use, with the exact same tonality and emphasis, when describing their own criteria to them. One way these patterns will definitely not work is if you assume you know what their criteria are, and use your assumptions instead of their own information.

This of course requires you set up some rapport, and do some digging to elicit their criteria before you start firing away with these patterns.

You’ll find that when proper rapport, and just a few of their criteria, these particular patterns can be extremely powerful and persuasive.

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When you use Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns, you suddenly have the capability to conversationally reframe arguments, objections, and even beliefs that have been held since childhood. Their power and effectiveness is only limited by your willingness to learn and use them.

Today’s pattern is along the same logical lines as the previous two, but takes things to an extreme. They can easily put something into perspective, removing the sting from any belief or objection.

This pattern is called “Eternity Framing.” You simply take the objection or obstacle, and conversationally move your listener out in time to the end of their life. From this vantage point the argument seems almost silly, and can easily be dealt with back here in the present.

This can work on a personal level as well. Whenever you find yourself facing a seemingly insurmountable problem, simply imagine you are on your death bed looking over your life. Compared to all the things you’ve accomplished, and all the things you will accomplish that you are remembering in your hallucination, the present problems won’t seem so bad.

So basically, you take the person’s objection, accept it at face value, and then casually move them out into the distant future, and have another look at the objection. You can either look back from the future, and make the objection seem small in comparison to everything else, or you can show them what a horrible life they have ahead of them if they persist in hanging on to it.

Let’s take a look at some examples.

When you watch football it means you don’t love me.

Well, maybe you feel that way now, but when we’re in our nineties, and remembering all the wonderful times we’ve had together, and all the ups and downs, I really don’t think football will seem like much of a problem.

I can’t buy this because it’s too expensive.

Yes, I agree. It sure seems that way now. But if you could imagine looking back on this decision in twenty or thirty years, and your in position to really see all the value you’ve received from this product, I think you can safely feel glad to have bought this today.

I’ll never get a good job without a college degree.

Well, when you’re retired, and living off a meager pension of a day laborer, I hope you don’t mind looking back over your life, just above the poverty line, and only being able to afford to buy something nice once in a while, while some of your neighbors, who are also living the good life, will have been comfortably retired for many years.

I just can’t exercise, it’s too difficult.

When you’re laying on your death bed, I hope you don’t mind having given up an extra twenty or so years of life because you decided to take it easy.

Learning these patterns are too difficult. Besides, I could never use these in a real conversation.

Yea, they are difficult. When you look back on reading this blog post when you are in your eighties, I guess you won’t mind having given up the opportunity of a lifetime, one that could have easily earned you extra hundreds of thousands, or perhaps even millions of dollars, over the course of your life. I guess you really like your comfort zone.

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With Sleight of Mouth Language patterns you can easily overcome objections and dismantle limiting beliefs with a few carefully crafted phrases.

Today’s pattern is called “First Outcome Framing,” and invites your listener or conversation partner to think of the results, or eventual outcome, of their particular belief or objection.

Just speaking about it in these terms is sometimes enough to shake it loose. When people express a belief or an objection, they are usually “set in stone,” at least in their mind.

But when we speak in terms of consequences, it somehow allows them to think of their belief or objection that they have a measure of control over.

The structure is fairly simple. You accept their belief at face value, and merely extrapolate out into the future, and get a less than desirable outcome of this particular belief. One that they would likely not want to experience.

This causes them to do a quick, mental double take on their original belief, oftentimes rethinking it. This works great when you follow it up with a couple of other patterns. You can either do this right away, or depending on the conversation and the relationship with the person, you can steer the conversation somewhere else, and then occasionally come back to the belief or objection, and throw another pattern at them.

They’ll have no idea why their objection or limiting belief went up in smoke. They’ll likely feel like they had some kind of divine inspiration or remembered something incredibly important that they didn’t know before.

To make this pattern, just take the belief, and casually wonder out loud what it will lead to, and let them come to their own conclusions. Just make sure that when you are wondering out loud, that the outcome it leads to isn’t all that great. You don’t want to support any objections or limiting beliefs.

A couple examples.

I can’t get a date because I’m no good at talking to boys/girls.

Wow, that’s pretty tough. I suppose just thinking that will keep you from going and talking to somebody that is really cool, and maybe starting a good friendship. I would kind of suck if somebody was waiting for you to go and talk to them, but you decided not to because you think you’re no good at talking to people.

My friend didn’t respond when I said “hi,” so she must be mad at me.

Wow. That’s pretty rough.So how do you treat people that are made at you? I usually get mad right back at them. So are you going to yell at your friend the next time you see her? That wouldn’t be very nice if she just had lots of things on her mind.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Maybe. But I’m sure that you won’t apply to many place if you believe that. And I’m pretty sure you can’t get a good job if you don’t apply anywhere. So I guess you’re right on track. That cool with you?

I can’t learn all these patterns, they’re too many, and they are too difficult.

Wow, that sounds pretty bad. Whenever I think something is too hard, I usually quit to. Do you know how many people are using these patterns to make tons of money in sales? I guess you don’t want that, right?

(end examples)

These particular patterns can sound a bit harsh if said without any judgment whatsoever. It’s important to remember that when you use these, you aren’t looking for an ego boost, or the person to say something like:

“Wow! I never thought of that! You’re so smart! Thanks for convincing me!’

Rather, you are simply throwing some ideas out there, and making it sound as if you are wondering about them yourself. Then leave it up to the listener to come to their own conclusion. (Which happens to be the exact conclusion you want them to.)

So long as you have no problems with your listener keeping their belief or objection, and you are throwing these out in a “Hey, cool if it works for you…” frame, then you should be OK.

Just make sure when they do decide to buy into your idea, you stick around to reap the benefits.

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Sleight of Mouth patterns are incredibly useful linguistic tools to defeat any argument, overcome any limiting belief, or quickly smash any verbal objection that comes your way.

These patterns, when used together (there are 24 of them) will make you a linguistic ninja with a variety of tools to assassinate any argument that comes your way. (Nice metaphor, huh?)

Today’s pattern is called “Counter Example Framing”, and is pretty logical and straightforward. It is powerful enough to be used by itself, but when combined with one or two other patterns, you will virtually unstoppable.

In Counter Example Framing, you take the belief or the objection, and simply find examples where it doesn’t hold up. Frequently when people express beliefs or objections, they are framed in a “All or Nothing” structure, as if they are true for everybody all the time.

When you use a couple of counter examples, it can give them a bit of pause, as they start to realize that it’s really their map that is less than useful, and not reality itself.

Like the other patterns, be very careful when using this one, as you need to be careful of proving the other person “wrong.” Carefully suggest some other alternatives, and let your listener mull them over on their own, and come to their own conclusion (the exact conclusion you want them to come to).

Some examples

I can’t find a date because I’m too fat.

Being fat causes no date. (X causes Y)

So simply show some examples in your life, in their life, in other people’s lives where being overweight didn’t cause any problems.

That boy/girl in biology class likes you.
That big girl who works at the ice cream shop has three or four boyfriends/girlfriends.
So nobody who is over a certain weight can ever get a boyfriend/girlfriend?

I don’t have a college degree, so I can’t get a good job.

Yea, just like Bill Gates.
What about all the rich people that lived before they invented colleges, how did they get good jobs?
You had that awesome job in high school, and you didn’t have a college degree then.
Wait, doesn’t your boss not have a college degree?

Going on a diet and losing weight is hard. (X = Y)

Did you hear about that girl who lost 200 pound to win the love of her crush? She said it was the easiest thing she ever did.
People that exercise say that the endorphins created give them the most incredible feelings of pleasure you could ever experience.

Talking to girls is scary and terrifying. (X = Y)

I know this guy that can’t stop talking to girls. In fact, that’s the main reason he can’t keep a girlfriend for very long. He just loves talking to new people. Do you think it’s hard for him?

Your product is too expensive.

I know what you mean. I actually thought the same thing myself, and got a lot of grief from my wife when I first brought it home. But after we realized just how valuable it was, we were very happy that we decided to buy this.

Learning all these language patterns is difficult and tedious.

I read this book from this guy and he said when he realized how much more money he could make in his business with these patterns, he couldn’t wait to finish work so he could go home and practice. He said all he could think about was money and lots of time off from work as he studied these patterns. Now he’s the company president, and he only works about four months out of the year.

(end examples)

A couple of things may happen when you use these patterns. You might destroy their belief altogether, or you may uncover a deeper belief.

For example, the objection “I can’t meet people because I’m overweight” might not really be about being overweight. Being overweight is likely an excuse, and once you destroy the excuse with these patterns, you’ll uncover the real issue.

The other thing that may come up is you may encounter a belief about the world in general, but after reframing it with this particular pattern, the belief may shift to a belief about the person and his or her capabilities.

“Talking to girls is scary,” a global belief, or a belief about talking to girls in general, may shift to “I can’t talk to girls because I’m too scared.” Which is definitely a step in the right direction, because as long as somebody believes something is “out there” in the world, it can’t be changed.

Once you shift something to the personal level, it can easily be overcome with various other techniques. And often enough, when somebody else can do something, it’s a good enough model to work from to increase personal skill.

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Sleight of Mouth patterns have long been known to easily and covertly destroy any argument or limiting belief that you come up against.

First developed for therapy, they have since been used in sales and persuasion of all kinds. When you have a working knowledge of the Sleight of Mouth Language patterns, you will likely never lose an argument again, and never be at a loss when somebody throws up an objection.

Today’s pattern is called “Reflexively Applying To The Listener,” and is very similar in structure to the “Reflexively Apply To Self” pattern. The only difference is that instead of twisting the belief or objection around and throwing it back at the person saying it, you take the belief or objection and use it with your own examples.

As an added twist, you can apply the objection, or limiting belief to the particular conversation you are having, as your own limitation, so the person you are speaking with can see the objection or belief from another point of view.

Kind of like when somebody is wearing a goofy looking hat, only they don’t know it looks goofy until you take it and put it on yourself.

And like the previous pattern, you can either use this on the Internal State, or the External Behavior, whichever is more convenient.

Some examples.

I can’t succeed in business because I don’t have a college degree.

Well, I know a lot of people that are worth millions without college degrees, but since I don’t have one myself, I guess I’m not smart enough to explain to you how they got really rich.

So let me get this straight, If I come up with a brilliant idea for an invention, one that will easily make the manufacturer a billion dollars, they’ll still ask to see my college degree before they even take a look at the idea? I didn’t know that. I’d better give up on my plans then.

Wait, so the promotion I just got at work, despite not having a college degree, is fake? Why would they do something like that?

I can’t talk to girls because it’s too scary.

I’ve got this great method that will make it super easy to talk to girls, but I’m too scared to tell you.

Wait, talking to girls is scary? I’d better break up with my girlfriend then.

Hold on a second, I can’t do anything that scares me? That sucks. I guess I’d better cancel all my dates next week. I didn’t know that. Thanks for telling me. Wanna go hang out at the library or something?

Whenever I get stressed I eat too much junk food.

Hang on, dude, you’re stressing me out, I need a cheeseburger or I’m going to explode.

Really? I get stressed because I eat so much junk food. Does that mean I need to eat more on top of that? I’m gonna need some bigger pants.

Wait, you’re only supposed to eat junk food when you’re stressed? Damn. I’ve been doing it wrong. I usually hit the gym when I’m stressed. I’d better cancel my membership.

Learning all these language patterns is too hard.

You’re right. I’d better give back all those extra sales commissions I’ve been making.

You’re right. Let me call my boss and tell him that I really don’t want that promotion.

You’re right. I’d better call that model that’s way out of my league, and tell her that our date for next weekend is off. Wanna go hang out at the library or something? I hear they’ve a new fishing magazine.

I can’t buy your product, it’s too expensive.

Yea, it is pretty expensive. I don’t know what’s wrong with all those people that make less money than you that keep on buying it. Maybe they’re bad at math or something.

That’s true. I just hope the people that buy your products feel the same way, otherwise we’d both be out of business.

Yea, I agree, but please don’t tell anybody else. Otherwise I won’t be able to sell as many as I do to people just like you.

(end examples)

Because you are taking the belief on temporarily yourself, you are a lot less likely to offend the other person, so these are pretty good to use in any given situation. Just be careful you don’t go too far, otherwise they’ll think you are mocking them or something.

Just keep it light, and obviously humorous, and these should work pretty well. If you start off with this particular pattern, and then follow it up with one or two more, it should go a long way to completely disintegrating the belief of your listener.

Have fun!

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Sleight of Mouth language patterns are incredibly effective in overcoming objections, turning big issues into non issues, and covertly removing limiting beliefs in yourself or others.

Today’s pattern is called “Reflexively Apply to Self.” Since that definition is about as clear as mud, let’s take a closer look.

In this, the “Self” is the person saying or expressing the objection, belief, or argument that you’d like to easily demolish with your linguistic Jedi skills.

And the thing you apply, is their own stated belief. This creates a kind of infinite feedback loop,and sometimes is enough to break the pattern.

When I was a kid, my Dad bought this video camera. You could plug it into the TV, so you could see on TV what you were filming. If you pointed the camera at the TV, you saw an endless stream of smaller and smaller TVs going off into infinity. This is what this pattern will do to the mind of your listener.

So basically, the idea is to take whatever belief they say, and apply that same thinking right back at the belief itself.

For example, if the person says something like:

I don’t have a college degree, so I can never get a good job.

The belief is not having some kind of certificate or training, and that being a limitation of obtaining something deemed worthy and valuable (e.g. a job).

So to throw it back at the belief, you might say something like:

Did you need any special training or courses to come up with that belief? Or did you decide that without any professional assistance?

Or even more abstract:

Did that belief need a college degree to be true and shape the way you look at things, or did it just decide to do that without any “official” approval from some accredited belief creation review board?

Or if somebody says:

I can’t afford your product, it’s too expensive. (Expensive product means I can’t buy it.)

How expensive do you think it is to limit yourself to products based on a cursory review of their immediate benefits without taking a look at the long term value?

Was it affordable to buy that belief that seems to be controlling what you can or can’t do?

Or if somebody says:

I’ll never find true love, I’m just not an interesting person. (Me not being interesting means nobody will ever truly love me.)

Did that belief need to be interesting in order for it to convince you of it’s truth?

Do you truly love that belief enough to let it go, so you can share your uninterestingness with others?

That belief sure isn’t interesting, yet look how much you are attached to it!

Or if somebody says:

My parents were always poor, so I’ll be poor myself.

That belief doesn’t sound like it’s worth very much.

Is being poor very valuable to you?

Did that belief’s parents share similar outlooks as it, or were they completely different?

Keep in mind these particular reframes aren’t particularly logical, and sometimes don’t make a lot of sense. The way they work is by getting the listener to take something that perceived as solid, and written everlastingly in stone to pause and say, “Huh, wait, wha?”

This is often enough to show that their belief isn’t as rock solid as they thought it was. This can either be enough to let the belief or objection die a natural death, or to leave the door wide open for you to throw in some other patterns that can continue to weaken and eventually destroy this old belief or objection.

Usually, it’s best to just keep on talking while you get them in the “wait, huh?” state of mind. Otherwise they might circle their wagons around their belief and dig in for a protracted siege. This will have the opposite effect, as people’s beliefs are strengthened whenever they defend them.

Also, keep in mind to be very careful to not make your listener feel as though you are putting them on the spot, or using their own words or beliefs to insult them. There’s a fine line between coming from a point of curiosity, where you show your listeners beliefs to them in a new and interesting way, and taking them and throwing them back in their faces.

The first way works well, the second only works to make enemies, so be careful.

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Sleight of Mouth is an incredibly useful and powerful language pattern that you can easily use to overcome objections, covertly dismantle beliefs, and drastically expand any map of the world. This of course will give you (or your listener) a glimpse of a world filled with abundant resources rather than lack or limitation.

Today’s pattern is called “Reframe the Internal State.”

As used in therapy, the Internal State, (or IS) is generally used to described the persons internal feelings and judgements about themselves. For example, somebody may say that “I’m a loser.” They don’t say what happened in the outside world, they only describe their judgment about themselves.

In order to reframe this internal state, you allow them to keep their feelings and emotions, but you take the label “Loser,” and redefine it in terms that you are sure they won’t agree with.

Some examples:

I thought a loser was somebody who stayed in bed all day and drank whiskey, is that what you do?

My understanding of loser is somebody who hangs themselves after losing a friendly game of cards.

Losers are adults that immediately start stamping their feet and howling in agony whenever they don’t get their way.

When you combine this with the previously described pattern, Reframing The External Behavior ( or EB ) this can be extremely powerful.

One thing to keep in mind, is these labels “External Behavior,” and “Internal State” were originally coined as they were used in therapeutic settings. However, in the real world, which is “External Behavior,” and which is “Internal State,” can get a big murky, and in the end, isn’t really all that important.

Just keep in the mind that any belief is structured as “X causes Y,” or “X means Y.”

For “X causes Y,” you need to show that “X” doesn’t cause “Y,” it causes something else, or that “Y” isn’t caused by “X,” it’s caused by something else.

Similarly with complex equivalents, “X means Y,” you can simply do the same with both sides of the linguistic equation.

X doesn’t mean Y, it means something else. Or X doesn’t mean Y, something else means Y.

Let’s take a look at some examples, and attack them from both sides of the equation.

Not having a college degree means I can’t get a good job.

From one side:

Not having a college degree means you aren’t locked into your major, and that you can find a job that best suits your abilities, and then learn some really useful real world skills, that are worth a lot more money in the long run.

From the other side:

Being lazy and not continuously sending out resumes and going on job interviews means you can’t get a good job.

Being overweight means I’ll never find a romantic partner.

From one side:

Being overweight means that you have a lot in common with a lot of people, since being overweight is pretty popular these days. And having something in common with somebody is the strongest basis for any relationship.

From the other side:

Staying home and watching TV all weekend means you’ll never find a romantic partner.

Learning all these language patterns is time consuming and difficult.

From one side:

Learning all these language patterns will give you the most versatile, most profitable, and most charismatic set of skills you could possible have. Skills that will keep you well paid regardless of any economic or market conditions.

From the other side:

Going through life without any idea how to elegantly and persuasively get your ideas across to others so that they readily accept your way of thinking is not only time consuming and difficult, but costly as well. Stumbling through life and only blurting out hit or miss statements will certainly make it difficult for you to achieve any kind of financial security.

Keep in mind that the same caveat applies to these two patterns as all the others. Use them with curiosity, and above all, an honest and expressed respect for the other person’s beliefs. Nothing will make you enemies quicker than effectively attacking another’s beliefs from a position of superiority.

Your mission now, if you choose to accept it, is to find as many of these X means Y and X causes Y statements as you can in real life, and practice reframing them from both sides. A great way to practice this is to simply go through the day collecting them, and when you have time, sit down and come up with a couple reframes for each statement.

You can also practice these in Internet forums, and watch the sparks fly.

Pretty soon you’ll able to come up with these in real time, and you’ll really start to get a feel for their power.

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You’re about to learn a set of skills that can instantaneously and obliterate any argument that comes your way, any objection that gets thrown up during a conversation, and any verbal obstacle you find in your path.

These verbal skills are so powerful that you will never lose an argument again, and if you happen to be in sales, you can easily double your closing percentages. They are a small subsection of NLP Language skills, skills that have been developed over the past several years for therapy, sales, and persuasion.

Namely, these are the Sleight Of Mouth NLP Language Patterns. When combined with Linguistic Presuppositions, and the Milton Model, they will give you irresistible powers of persuasion in any situation.

The basic premise behind the power of these skills is that any argument is in the from of either a “Complex Equivalent,” or a “Cause Effect” statement. If you haven’t watched the learning modules on the Milton Model, it would be a good idea to do so before you dive into these.

If you’re chomping at the bit to get to some powerfully persuasive language patterns that can easily destroy any argument, here’s a brief summary.

A complex equivalent is any statement that can be expressed as “X means Y,” or “X is Y.” Think of them as a linguistic equation, with one idea on one side of the equation, another idea on the other side, with the “is,” “means,” “implies,” etc. as the equals sign.

Anytime somebody expresses a limitation in that format, it is ripe for verbal destruction. If you are in sales, that means more money. If you are in a relationship, that means closer and more intimate communication, as you will drastically reduce the self imposed limitations in your partner. (And yourself,for that matter.)

A cause/effect statement is anything stated in the from “X causes Y,” or “X leads to Y,” or “X makes Y happen,” or any variation.

Being able to understand these in everyday speech is critical, and not as easy as it sounds. Most people will only express one half the equation, and you’ve go to be able to extract the other half from the context of the conversation.

You’ve also got to be very careful how you deliver these, as most people will become very defensive of their beliefs, and that’s what you’ll be destroying in many cases. When somebody feels their beliefs are under attack, they can take very personally. If you’re not careful, you can ruin any rapport you’ve developed and quickly find the opposite of your outcome coming true.

There are a total of 22 patterns, and in each subsequent post you’ll learn a new one. Take your time, and soak these up one by one. Once you start to learn these patterns, you ears will hear a whole new level of verbal communication, and you will begin to feel incredibly powerful with your language.

Most people, when they speak, simply blurt out a bunch of words, and hope they make sense. By combining presuppositions, the Milton Model, and now these virtually indestructible sleight of mouth patterns, you will be a force to be reckoned with. A Jedi Knight of Communication.

You’ll be amazed how horrible politicians are at getting their point across once you learn just a few of these patterns. While politicians have been known to use a few sleight of mouth patterns (whether they know it or not) they usually only use one or two familiar ones, and they quickly become ineffective, since they use them over and over again.

Your first assignment, should you choose to accept it, is tune your ears to pick up both complex equivalent statements, and cause/effect statements. TV programs, casual conversations with your friends, YouTube videos, or even politician speeches and TV news discussion shows.

Once you get the hang of picking them, up, take your time going through the following posts so you can learn how to dismantle any limiting belief or objection that comes your way.

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Who would you trust with a diet recommendation, your best friend? Or some fast talking guy on TV with a cheap suit and a big belly? Who would you prefer to buy an expensive item from, somebody roughly the same age and gender as you, a well being an alumni of the same school, or somebody that is as different from you as Lady Gaga is from Pavarotti?

In this final installation of the seven magical laws of influence, beautifully described by Cialdini in is oft referenced work, “Influence, Science and Practice,” we’ll take a look at something called “Liking.”

We tend to be much more open to ideas from people that we like, rather than people we don’t like.

Duh.

But what surprised some is not only that some aspects of ‘liking’ are a bit on the politically incorrect side, but also that some are rather easy to fake if you know what you’re doing.

First, as you are reading this, think of one of your good friends. One you’ve had for a while. There was a time when you didn’t know this person. Then you met them. Something clicked, and you decided to hang out together, as friends usually do. Maybe you shared the same experiences, lived in the same neighborhood, liked the same obscure micro brew, or shared a prison cell together.

The first aspect of liking, then, similarity. We like people that are like us. The more you spend time with somebody, the more shared experiences you have, and the more you grow similar by those shared experiences.

This might seem hard to fake, but it’s actually pretty easy. In NLP they teach something called “mirroring and matching.” When you are in a conversation with somebody, matching their body language, tone of voice and speed of speech will do a great deal to persuade them, on an unconscious level, that you are similar to them.

This goes way beyond the transparent, “No Way! You Like cheeseburgers? Me too!”

When you mirror and match the way somebody is sitting, talking, and gesturing, this will quickly create a very strong and unconscious bond. Unless they are specifically on guard against this, they will start to get a strong “feeling” that they really like you for some reason. Top salespeople are keenly aware of this.

Another aspect of liking is physical appearance. Unfortunate, but true. Better looking salespeople make more sales. Taller presidential candidates have a slightly better chance of being elected. Attractive people make for more trusting news anchors. This can enhanced of course, with various clothing and accessories. If you are in sales, or need to persuade somebody, make sure to wear some nice threads, and give yourself a clean shave, or dress attractively with appropriate make up. Leave it to your true friends to deal with the “real you.”

Another aspect of physical appearance is how you carry yourself. In an interesting study on posture, John Molloy did some research that indicates better posture can increase you attractiveness by a full two points. He arranged a double blind study where college students would enter and mingle in bar for a few hours, and purposely hold their posture a certain way. Those that stood up straight with their shoulders back got, on average, two more points (on a scale from 1 to 10) than when they had their shoulders slumped and their heads down.

Even you weren’t born a beauty queen or fit to be on the cover of Men’s Health, there’s plenty you an do to boost your attractiveness.

Another factor in “liking” is association. If people associate good things with you, they will like you. In the presidential debate between Clinton and Dole, whenever Clinton would say words or phrases that had a good chance of evoking good feelings, (like “strong economy,” “security,” “safety,” etc.) he would point to himself. (There’s a reason he got the nickname “Slick Willy”) This is another trick from NLP. By pointing or gesturing toward yourself while saying positive emotion inducing words and phrases, people will start to associate those good feelings with you.

One final aspect of liking is probably the oldest in the book. A genuine, honest compliment. People love hearing compliments, despite how embarrassed they may feel. Compliments on behavior or choices are much more powerful than telling them what lovely eye they have. Just don’t over do it.

How do defend against these?

As always, your conscious, rational mind is your best means of defense. Would you buy the same product or sign up for the same service if the guy selling it was twenty years older than you and smelled like he hadn’t showered in a week? Focus on the product or the idea, rather than the person selling it or delivering the message. This can be incredibly difficult if they are attractive, have done a good job matching your body language, and given you a few genuine, honest compliments.

The best way to make sure you don’t get carried away by these unconscious triggers is to simply have an intention to either buy a certain product at a certain price, or to only shop and not buy anything until you’ve thought it over in the safety of your own home.

And any time you start to feel compelled to do or believe something, when you hadn’t made any plans on doing it, check your instincts for warning signs. If it’s worth doing right this minute, it’ll still be worth doing a week from now.

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The power to persuade has long been a sought after skill. One thing that many erroneously believe is that we instinctively know how to persuade, since we experience being persuaded on a daily basis.

The bad news is that since we are persuaded on an automatic and unconscious level, we don’t have any conscious idea of how it happens.

The good news is that there are scientifically proven techniques and methods to powerfully enhance your ability to not only persuade others, but to resist persuasion yourself.

One powerful law of persuasion is Authority.

Simply stated, any message coming from a person or group in authority carries much more weight than another source.

Authority carries a lot of weight in our minds, as it takes away the responsibility and burden to independently evaluate all the information and come up with our own conclusion. It is a very useful shortcut for our brain.

If our hunter/gatherer ancestors had to stop and have a lengthy meeting every hour when they were out chasing a woolly mammoth, our species wouldn’t have lasted very long. It is deep in our evolutionary history to crave a leader whenever a group assembles.

Social experiments have shown this again and again.

Every social group has an “alpha” or leader. Even in studies with high school students has shown this. Researchers separated the students by social status, and placed them in different cabins. Even in the group that was taken from the those least likely to become leaders, a leader emerged. It would appear that every one of us has the capability for leadership should the need arise.

So it makes sense that when there is a clear leader, or somebody with obvious authority status, we shut down our conscious thinking, and obediently follow.

In a shocking experiment done at a hospital, this was proven to be unsettling true. A “Doctor” would call a nurse, and introduce him self as Dr. So and So. The nurse had never heard of him, but she took him at his word that he was a doctor and therefore an authority figure. The nurses were directed by these “Doctors” (who were actually researchers) to give drugs to patients that would be potentially dangerous. Most of the nurses complied.

Of course, there were other researchers standing by to make sure the nurse never got far, and to explain that it was a social experiment approved by hospital administration. Patients were never in danger.

The nurses, however, were horrified that somebody claiming to be a doctor could so easily persuade them to give potentially life threatening medication to patients.

In what is likely the most horrifying experiment in recent years was done in the fifties.

A “Doctor,” wearing a white lab coat would take recruits, or test subjects, and ask them to participate in a new study that was investigating the effects of punishment and learning.

The subjects would give an electric shock to another participant whenever they got the answer wrong to a math problem.

The real study was to see how much of a “shock” (they were not real, the “subject” was faking it) they would give to the subject, before they quit.

What they found was so horrifying that psychologists agreed never to perform this experiment again. At least in the United States.

Many of the shocks given, if they were real, were enough to kill the subject. The subject, at one point, begged and pleaded for the experiment to end. The researcher merely told the participants to continue. Very few walked away. Most continued to deliver deadly shocks, even when the subject pretended to have heart trouble.

Fellow researchers were terribly dismayed that the normal, average person on the street could deliver deadly electric shocks merely at the word of an authority figure in a white suit.

This experiment was widely used as evidence that humans are one step away from brutal murder, and shed some light on how a whole nation of normal folks like you and me could be persuaded that killing Jews was perfectly normal.

While such extremes are thankfully rare, this particular law of persuasion is everywhere you look. It’s not uncommon for potential jurors to excuse themselves by saying something like “he’s in court so he must be guilty.” In this case it’s the authority of the situation that condemns the defendant before the trial begins.

Doctors, Lawyers, Police Officers, Teachers, all have a responsibility to wield their persuasive power with due diligence, as words spoken can have drastic consequences.

If you are a salesperson, quoting an authority figure can give your product a significant persuasive boost. It’s not uncommon for web sites selling things to have emblems from major networks, and certificates of authenticity to lend authority to their web sites.

If you are interested in defending against this, take a step back, put the message into the mouth of another, less authoritative person, and see how it sounds. As tough as it may be, the best defense against this law of persuasion is to simply think for yourself, and be prepared to go against the crowd that may follow a particular authority figure like sheep to a slaughter.

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The Milton Model is an amazingly simple yet powerful set of language patterns that you can easily use to persuade and influence anybody you happen to find yourself in a conversation with.

Today’s pattern is called the “Single Bind.” It is similar to the cause and effect, or the complex equivalent patterns, in that in links two ideas. In the single bind, however, the two ideas are linked only to each other.

For example, if I used the cause and effect pattern to say that if you exercise you will lose weight. This implies that exercise isn’t the only thing that will cause you to lose weight (e.g. proper diet, stress, smoking, etc.), and weight loss isn’t the only thing that results from exercise (e.g. tiredness, injury, etc.)

With a single bind, you link two ideas in such a way that they are only linked to each other. Doing one will necessarily cause the other, and the other is only the cause of the first.

They generally take one of four different forms (X and Y are in the form of present tense verb phrases, like study the Milton model, or realize your power, or understand these concepts):

The more you X, the more you will Y.

The more you X, the less you will Y.

The less you X, the less you will Y.

The less you X, the more you will Y.

You can also use comparative adjectives instead of “the more you X.” For example:

The easier you X, the happier you’ll feel.

The sooner you X, the quicker you’ll Y.

Of course, anytime you are referring to doing less of something, make sure that it’s something where doing less of it is a preferable, like standing in line at the post office.

Some examples:

The more you read this blog the sooner you’ll start to discover that you’re using these patterns on a daily basis.

The sooner you realize that the Milton Model is the easiest and most powerful way to persuade others, the easier it will be to get the things you want out of life, while helping others as well.

The quicker you start to see opportunities for these patterns around you, the more profitable you’ll naturally become.

You can also use this pattern to sneak and idea past your listener’s conscious critic, by putting an extremely desirable idea in the “Y” end of the phrase, and then put the idea you’d like to persuade your listener of in the “X” side.

The sooner you realize this is the best blog in the world, the easier it will be for you to learn powerful techniques here that will allow you to easily persuade others to happily give you whatever you want.

The more you appreciate your own potential, the quicker you’ll find ways to express it in ways you’ve never thought of before.

The sooner you click on the “share” button below, the sooner you’ll skyrocket your levels of Karma, allowing you more charisma and persuasive power than you’d ever thought possible.

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The Milton Model set of language patterns is a fantastic communication strategy that can easily skyrocket your persuasion and influence. Usually referred to as covert hypnosis, it’s a great way to capture and lead the imagination of your listener or audience.

Today’s pattern is called “Building Excitement and Expectation,” and works similar to the way good TV shows leave you “hanging” at the end, so you have to tune in next week.

The basic structure of this pattern is to begin to communicate an idea, and then leave the idea only half spoken. This will generate a great deal of expectation in the listener, as most people loathe unresolved issues on many levels.

There have been a few studies regarding this phenomenon comparing short-term memory and these “open loops,” and they have indicated that short-term memory is significantly boosted when a loop is left open.

Waiters and waitresses were able to remember a vast array of information regarding tables that weren’t “complete” yet, but when the guests finished eating and paid their bill, all of their information was quickly dropped into the subconscious of the waiter or waitress.

There are several ways to create this effect in your listener.

One way is to leave pauses where you normally wouldn’t expect them. People normally put in pauses where they would usually put a period or a comma in a sentence. When you insert pauses in the middle of a sentence, it creates a great deal of interest and expectation in your listeners.

Consider these sentences.

Yesterday, I saw an airplane.
Today, I went to the store.
Last night, I ate spaghetti.

Pretty boring, right? When spoken, most people would put the pauses where the commas are. But consider how they wound when you put the pause between the verb and the noun:

Yesterday, I saw ….an airplane.
Today, I went to ….. the store.
Last night, I ate…..spaghetti.

If you were speaking to somebody, they would automatically pay more attention during the pause.

Another way to do this is to begin telling a story, leading up to a strange or interesting punch line, and then switch before you get there, and tell another story. This is particularly useful when you build up to your punch line with many tension-building adjectives (amazing, fantastic, strange, unbelievable, etc) and say them with a lot of congruence.

For example: (the italicized words are said with increased enthusiasm)

The other day I went into this bookshop. From the outside, it looked like any normal bookstore. But when I went in, man, was I surprised. The stuff they had in there was absolutely amazing, I mean I’d never seen anything like it anywhere. I kind of felt like I was a kid, and I went to the circus for the first time. I didn’t really know what to expect. I mean I knew there was going to be clowns and stuff there, but I had no idea they would have lion tamers, and people doing flips around up in the sky. I was absolutely spellbound the entire time. Ever since then I’d always like the circus….

(end example)

If you’ve ever seen a really good public speaker, somebody that makes a living at it (like any famous comedian) they leave “open loops” like this all through their routine. And when they start to finish up, they simply start closing the loops.

You can leave as many loops as you want, the more the better. When you combine these three:

Effective pauses

Tension building adjectives

Open loops

You’ll go a long way to captivating the attention of almost any audience. And being able to hold the attention of five or six people at party or social gathering is a fantastic skill to have.

To learn many more fantastic skills, check back here often, and please share this site with others.

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The Milton Model set of language patterns and communication strategies is a wonderful set of tools that you can use in virtually any situation where normal conversation is appropriate.

Today’s pattern, “Utilization,” is particularly powerful for many reasons. The basic structure of the utilization pattern, or strategy, is to take whatever information you can get from your listeners or readers, and simply agree with it, validate it, and use it in your conversation in such a way that it supports your idea or suggested course of action.

One of the reasons it’s so powerful it is completely opposite of what traditional persuasion and sales teaches. Old school persuasion and rhetoric teaches to build a strong case on logic, and hammer your listener with so many facts and figures that they have no choice but to agree with you.

Or worse yet is the “hard sell,” where you hammer your poor client with so much enthusiasm and veiled threats and insults (are you smart enough to buy this product? Are you rich enough to buy this product? Do you have the courage to buy this product?) that leave you with an “icky” feeling even if you do buy the product.

When you use utilization, you take whatever your listener or potential client is doing or saying, and agree with it completely, and let them know you totally understand and respect where they’re coming from, and then fold their statements or actions into your “story” and use it to support your case.

A couple of examples.

You are talking to somebody at a party for the first time, and they are showing all the classic signs of disinterest (turning their body away from you, giving you short answers to your questions, making brief but fleeing eye contact with you).

Most people would get discouraged, but since you are learning the secrets of conversational hypnosis and covert persuasion, you may say something like this:

Yea, I know. You’re not that interested in talking to me. That is totally cool. I hate it when you’re at parties and some goof comes up and starts talking to you, and you’re just have to be polite until they leave. It’s like some people just can’t take a hint. (You can point at yourself when you say this.) They just can’t tell that you’re not really interested. It’s like when my sister met her husband. He just kept talking to her, and wouldn’t leave her alone. At first she didn’t really acknowledge him standing there, and finally she figured if she talked to him a little bit he’d go away (you can point to yourself again at this point.) But then when they started talking, she started getting more and more interested in this guy (point to yourself again here), and they started dating, and that was pretty much that. This was about ten years ago, and now they have three kids. Which I have to baby-sit. Little savages. Do you like kids?

(end example)

Or if you are giving a sales presentation, and you can tell you client is not quite ready to by. You ask what they think of you’re product, and they say it’s too expensive, (which usually means they can’t appreciate the value).

Yea, I agree this product is really expensive. It’s definitely more expensive than our competitor’s product. I’ve heard lots of people tell me that, and to tell you the truth, if I were in there shoes, I don’t know if I’d buy this product either, if I only knew what I’d told you so far. But some of our other clients, when they find out about some more benefits that you really don’t notice until you imagine using this product for a year or so, and then they start to really see how this product can really help you. And most of them when they combine that information with all of our extremely flexible payment plans slowly realize that this is valuable far beyond what price you’ll pay for it. And several of our customers from years ago who initially thought it was too expensive are some of our biggest fans now, and consistently give us referrals.

(end example)

You can also use this pattern, or strategy in sales copy. You’ll need to figure out what some common objections there are for your particular product or industry, and then pace them, agree with them, and then turn them around so that they support the idea of purchasing your product.

This can be particularly powerful, and significantly increase your sales, if you place these “utilizations” within your sales copy right about where the objections start to crop up.

One way to do this is through customer testimonies. Simply do a poll of satisfied customers, and ask for specific feedback regarding certain objections. How they think of the product now vs. how they thought of it before they bought it. How the product is performing compared to what their expectations are, etc.

If your readers can see real testimony from real customers that show they had the same concerns before buying, yet are now happy and satisfied customers, that can go a long way toward increasing your sales.

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Today’s pattern from the Milton Model set of language patterns, what is likely the most useful and persuasive set of language patterns and communication strategies, is the “Embedded Question.”

Embedded questions are very similar to embedded commands, in that you take a short, imperative phrase, (e.g. Use These Patterns) and embed them within a larger phrase, marking them of with a change in tonality or gestures.

With embedded questions, you embed them inside a question, rather than a statement like with embedded commands.

This can be more powerful for a couple of reasons. One reason is when you use commands, you can use them any way you like. Quoting other people, telling a story about something that happened to you before, or anything else you can think of. So long as you slip the command in there somewhere, and mark it off correctly, you’re good to go.

When you use them that way, you usually need to use quite a few of them to start to get some “movement” in the other persons mind. It is entirely possible to be talking about baseball, and giving commands that are leading the person to lose weight, or something else completely unrelated. When done this way, the commands, and the actions they generate, will usually be a hundred percent unconscious.

In the above example, the person might decide a day or so later to go on a diet, and may think it has to do with something completely different than your conversation.

However, sometimes you’d like to use these to get quicker and more direct results, with more participation from your listener.

Here’s where embedded questions come in.

You simply structure the question so you’re asking the person to think or consider or imagine something along the same lines as your theme. Then simply embed the command within the question. That way you are talking to them, on two different levels, conscious and unconscious, about the same general idea.

This can be extremely powerful. Basically you’re asking them a question on a conscious level, and giving them the command within the question to help them come up with the answer that you want them to.

Some examples. (Commands in bold)

Can you imagine the possibilities when you start to use these patterns on a regular basis?

Do you understand the significance of these patterns?

Can you become curious about how many different ways you can use these patterns?

Do you appreciate yourself, and all the potential you really have?

Can you understand the power that these patterns offer when you incorporate them into you daily conversations?

Can you understand how much easier it is to lose weight with exercise compared to all those nonsense commercials you see on late night TV?

Do you understand the value of dollar cost averaging to help you get rich in the stock market over time?

Can you feel compelled to not only read this blog every day, but to click the “share” button below to help others to learn these powerful patterns?

Are you beginning to understand how you can use these patterns every day for fun and profit?

Remember whenever you say the “command” part, change your tonality so it’s slightly different than the rest of the sentence, and also mark it off with gestures, or anything else you can think of.

Now, can you imagine the fun you’ll have when you try these patterns with your friends to make them feel really good whenever they’re around you?

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The Milton Model is a powerful set of language patterns and communication strategies that can powerfully boost your communication skills so that you can easily and conversationally persuade others.

Today’s pattern is one of my favorites (and a favorite of many others) because it is both very simple, and very powerful. It doesn’t require a lot of practice before you can use this conversationally with your friends.

The pattern is called “Embedded Commands,” and is just like the name says. You can a command phrase, and embed it inside of a longer sentence. When done correctly, it will be taken as a direct command by the subconscious of your listener and will have a dramatic influential effect.

First off, what is a command? In terms of English Grammar it is an imperative. The first word must be a verb, and should be followed by no more than three other words.

Some examples:

Eat dinner.
Sit down.
Watch my cat.
Buy my product.
Become interested.
Like me.
Agree with me.
Find this useful.

In order for a command to be said correctly, you should say it with a downward tone. Flat tones are for statements, phrases ending in upward tones are for questions, and phrases ending in downward tones are for commands.

Then you take your command, and put it in a sentence. The great thing about this is that the sentence can be about anything. You can talk about something else, and throw the command in there, like so (the bold part is the command):

My friend says that when he decides to sit down and read the paper, he enjoys eating breakfast at the same time.

When you’re ready to eat dinner, let me know and I’ll order a pizza.

Some people when they come into this shop, they are so impressed that they decide to buy my product right away, others not so fast.

The other day I was shopping for a computer just like this, and the salesperson looked me and told me how easy it was to become interested in these computers because they have so many useful features.

Also, it helps to mark them off with something other than simple tonality. You a pause slightly before and after the command phrase, you can tilt your head slightly (as Milton Erickson was known to do) when saying the command phrase. You can keep a certain hand gesture reserved for when you do command phrases.

The key is to be consistent with how you mark out these command phrases. That way the listeners subconscious will see a pattern, and they will be much more effective.

A good strategy for using these commands is to chain them. Think of what the situation will be when you first start talking to somebody, and think of what the eventual outcome you’d like, that is, think of what action you’d like them to take after your conversation. Then build a chain of commands starting with something easy to do, like “sit down,” and slowly lead to the final command, like “buy this product,” or “subscribe to my video,” or “give me your number.”

For example (at a sales meeting):

Please, come in. You can sit down in that chair over there, or this one. I know, I have all these different magazines here. Some people need to read them and relax before they get comfortable, it gives them an easy way to relax, so they can think about what they want to do. I’ve been in this business a long time, and every potential customer is different. Some people come in here as a first stop, others come in when they are ready to make a decision. It’s interesting, though, that most people find a way to become curious about our products, because they can be used for so many things. And I’ve found that some people after they get curious, they really start to like our products. Of course those that were already able to make a decision are usually ready to buy today. But like I said, every customer is different. If you want to buy today, that’s great, I just want to make sure you feel comfortable, so that you can make the right decision, now.

(end example)

A great way to practice this is to take any text, newspaper, novel, advertisement, whatever, and underline or highlight all the phrases that are in the command form, and that are four words or less. Then simply read through the text, out loud, and read the command words with the command tonality, and by marking them off somehow.

You’ll find that the more you use these, the more effect you’ll have, and it will become easier and easier to persuade others.

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Here’s a great way to virtually guarantee that people will pay attention to you when you are speaking, as it effectively drowns out any stray thoughts that may crop up in their minds. It’s called the “Selection Restriction Violation,” and is part of the Milton Model set of language patterns and communication strategies.

Basically what it is a violation of well-formed English, as understood by native speakers. It doesn’t break any grammatical rules, so it makes sense, it just sounds strange, even though the underlying meaning is clear. It’s an excellent way to sparse up an otherwise dull sentence.

What you do is give something, (or someone) an attribute that is not normally associated with that thing or person, and use that imaginary attribute to get your point across.

For example, what attributes does a chair have? The material it’s constructed from, the color, the size, the price, the store where you bought it. Whenever you give a chair an attribute not in that list, people will have to pause briefly and check to make sure they understand what you are saying. This pausing and checking will only take half a second or less and will be done internally (although you will usually see an interesting look on their face), so it will get rid of all those stray thoughts people usually have while listening to people speak.

So if you break your chair, the normal way to express your anger or frustration is to say, “I’m angry at my chair.” Some may say, “I’m angry at my stupid chair.” Which is a well-used example, as chairs cannot have intelligence.

Some other ways to say it are:

My chair is upset with me because I broke it.
My chair is angry with me because I abused it.
My chair is depressed, because it failed me, and I have to buy a better one.

This still gets the message across, but will give your listener a bit of a pause to make sure they understand what you are saying.

Some other examples.

Hey, look over there! –> Hey throw your eyes over there!
I’m hungry. –>   My stomach is lonely.
I’m thirsty. –>  I need to water my throat.
We’re late.  –>  They clock is telling us to leave.
Think about this. –> Rest your mind on this.
She’s beautiful. –>  Her body/face has hijacked my attention.
I’m hungry. –> My stomach is lonely.
It was delicious. –> My mouth was very happy.
I don’t know. –> My brain is on strike.

Another way to use these is use sense words (see, feel, hear, touch, taste, etc) in ways they aren’t normally used.

That idea doesn’t smell right.
I need to listen to my thoughts and see if I get any answers.
Let me touch base with my memories and see if I can come up with something.
This sounds delicious (while eating food).

A good way to practice these is to simply listen to other people talk, and while they are talking take some of their statements and reword them using the selection restriction violation to make them sound more interesting and hypnotic. After while you’ll be able to think of them yourself while your speaking, and you will become a much more interesting conversationalist than you already are.

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The Milton Model is a wonder set of language tools that you can use in virtually any situation where communication is involved.

Today’s pattern is called “Pacing Current Experience,” and is a great one to start off with.

It simply involves saying things that must be true about the current experience of your listener.

For example, when I write “As you read this…” I know this absolutely must be true about your current experience. What else do I know about you? You can speak English, as this is in English, you have a connection to the Internet, as this is accessible only on the Internet, you are reading on a device that is connected to the Internet.

So when I write:

There you are, using your device, it may be a computer, or an iPhone, or a netbook or something, reading this words, and thinking those thoughts. As you look at your screen, and these words that are on your screen…

It has a very high probability of being true. In and of itself, this pattern won’t do much, but it is a great way slowly lead into other patterns that require more of a “leap of faith” on the part of your listener. A great way to follow this is with the “mind reading pattern.”

There you are, using your device, it may be a computer, or an iPhone, or a netbook or something, reading this words, and thinking those thoughts. As you look at your screen, and these words that are on your screen, you may be wondering about how you can use the Milton Model to increase your own personal happiness, in a way, that’s right, for you. And as you think about that, you may be curious as to how many other people have been able to study and learn these patterns, and how long it took them to make a great deal of improvement simply through the use of these patterns.

You can use this virtually anywhere.

At the beginning of a meeting:

So there you are, waiting for this meeting to start, holding the reports that were handed out earlier…

At the beginning of a sales call.

So here we are, sitting here, looking at these brochures of product X, which you called to ask me about yesterday, and asked if I could come to your home and help you decide whether or not this is a product that can really benefit you…

At the beginning of a conversation at a social gathering.

Wow. Lots of people here. Looks like a few came with a date, and a few came with a group of friends, and this place seems to be big enough to hold everybody, I heard that they close at 2 A.M….

At the beginning of a jury trial (to the jurors, in case you are a defense or prosecuting attorney).

So here we are, in this courtroom. You’ve come here today instead of doing the things you normally do on a Tuesday. You are sitting in two rows, six in front, and six in back. The Judge has given you strict rules to follow. You have all agreed to follow those rules. My client has been accused of murder. There was enough evidence for the police to arrest him. He is sitting right over there, listening to me speak, had hoping that I can convince you that he is innocent…

A really great way to practice this pattern is to go to Starbucks, or any other place where you can sit comfortably for an hour or so, and just watch people. Pick somebody that is sitting, and give them a good look for about five seconds. (Don’t be weird though!) Then just write down in a notebook three or four things that are absolutely true about their experience, and phrase them as if you are starting a conversation with them.

For extra practice, you can follow up with the Mind Reading pattern, and come up with some ideas that they are likely thinking based on the situation.

Remember, the more you practice, the easier this will be to do conversationally, without thinking.

Have Fun!

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The Milton Model is a fantastic set of language patterns and communication strategies that you can use to conversationally hypnotize your friends, increase your sales, or just improve the overall effectiveness of your communication.

Today’s pattern is the “Lack of Referential Index” pattern, and is very simple, and very hypnotic. It causes your listener or reader to “go inside” and fill in the blanks with their own experiences, imaginations, and guesses.

The referential index that you are deleting in this pattern is a specific group of people or things. Normally, when refer to a specific group or a specific person, we first name them, and then later refer to them in the conversation with a pronoun. I saw John, and he said “hi.” The “John” is the referential index, and the “he” is the pronoun that refers back to it once the referential index has been identified.

When you use a pronoun without first identifying the referential index, the listener will have to guess or make assumptions about who you are referring to. And whenever somebody guesses or makes assumptions, they are filling in the blanks based on their own experience. And when they do that, they are supporting your ideas with their own imaginations.

Frequently words like “one,” and “people,” can do the job well.

Some examples:

One can learn these patterns very quickly.
One can become more influential with only a couple of these patterns.
One can easily double their sales revenue by simple application of these patterns.

People can learn new things easily.
People can find ways to improve themselves that they weren’t aware of before.

Since I haven’t said who “one” is or who “people” are, then you’ve got to come up with your own imaginations, which means you are tacitly agreeing with these ideas, supported by your own imaginations.

Another way to use these is to actually specific a couple of people, or groups, and then use only one pronoun later. When you do this, your listener will have to figure out which person you are referring to. This takes up brain processing time, as well as allowing them to choose whichever one suits them the best. In order to do that, they’ve actually got to process all possibilities.

I saw speaking with my cousin Julia yesterday about my niece, Rebecca. We were talking and Rebecca walked into the room, which was strange because she was supposed to be at ballet practice. So anyway, the three of us were standing there, and she said that she wanted to get some ice cream, but she said that the ice cream shop had closed down. Something to do with termites. After that they got into a big argument about which ice cream flavor was best, so I left. I prefer chocolate, and they don’t.

In the above example, some of the pronouns are clear, and some aren’t. For the ones’ that aren’t you’ve got to “try them out” with each person to see which one makes the most sense.

This pattern is also responsible for the infamous “they,” that seem to know everything.

(They say you should always learn more, and reading this blog on a daily basis is a great example.)

When you use this with “one,” or “people,” it’s a great, quick way to deliver an idea that will likely be accepted by your listener without too much questioning. When use this with simple pronouns that don’t clearly refer to any one particular previously mentioned noun, you can create some pretty good hypnotic effects, setting up your listener to receive some pretty good ideas.

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The Milton Model set of language patterns and communication strategies is a fantastic way to easily and naturally persuade and influence others. Many find that these are also great party tricks, as they can spin somebody’s mind in all kinds of fun and different directions.

Today’s pattern is the “Unspecified Verb” pattern. It is based on the principle that whenever you leave something vague or unspecified, the listener will need to fill in the blanks (usually unconsciously) with their own experience and imaginations in order to make sense of your statement.

By using unspecified verbs, this is very powerful. An unspecified verb is whenever you use a verb, in any tense, where anything about the verb is left out, or left to be filled in the listener. The doer, or agent, how the action was performed, etc.

For example, if I say:

“Many people have used the Milton Model language patterns with great success,” there is a lot left out. Which people? How did they use these patterns? What kind of success? How long did it take to achieve success?

Because the sentence itself sounds true enough, you will need to fill in the blanks with your own experience, or your own guesses. And these guesses will naturally be congruent with our experience, and what you want to achieve in life.

Somebody that wants to become the greatest salesman the world has ever seen will naturally imagine somebody using these skills for sales. Somebody that wants to be known as an irresistible lady-killer will naturally imagine using these language patterns for seduction. Somebody that has a private counseling practice will imagine people using these skills to help others overcome emotional problems and limitations.

You can even construct even more vague sentences, leaving your listener with more freedom on how they fill in the blanks.

For example:

Many people have found that they already have the resources inside them, and simply by discovering them, they can achieve all they want in life.

How have they found the resources?
What are these resources?
How did they discover them?
How did they achieve what they wanted in life?
Who are these people?

All of these questions will be quickly and unconsciously filled in by the listener, who will find all kinds of examples of how they can make this true in their own life.

When you drop a statement like this in a broader, more general discussion of self-improvement, they will use whatever information you give them to imagine themselves achieving the results that you want.

Consider the following:

The Milton model is a great set of language tools that have helped many people achieve the success they dream about in life. Many have discovered that they already have all the resources they need, and can go on to achieve all they want in life. Financial success, emotional and relationship success, as well as spiritual and personal enlightenment are just some ways people have found this to be true.

So I started off talking about the Milton Model, the I alluded to finding your own resources and successfully applying then I mentioned a few vague examples in case the listener or reader was having trouble coming up with which areas of life they’d like success in.

The underlying, or implied idea, is that by studying and learning the Milton Model, you will unlock your potential and create success in all areas of your life. How you actually do that, and get there, is up to you.

Not bad, huh?

Another way people use these patterns is for some sly marketing. Talk about a vague result many people have received, and then talk about your product without actually mentioning it in a cause-effect relationship. The listener will link two in his or her mind in a way that makes sense to them.

For example:

Many people have discovered that with the right method, they can easily lose the weight they want, and keep it off. We here at ACME diet produce several products that can help you along in your weight loss goals.

I never said that those “many people” used ACME products, nor that ACME products ever produced successful weight loss. But that is certainly implied in the statement above.

Be careful, though. In my personal opinion, that is a bit overdone in today’s marketing, which means that people are accustomed to it, so it may not be as effective as it used to be. But that might be my own personal bias.

If you are a marketer of any sort, it pays to try everything, and simply use what works best.

Another good way to use this pattern is to use yourself as the cause to the implied effect. Politicians are great at doing this.

Talk to any person at length and get them thinking in positive terms by using a lot of unspecified verbs, and they will start to associated the “how” with you, since you’ve been standing there talking to them for a few minutes.

Pretty slick, eh?

Since you’ve read this far, you’re likely aware how you can apply this in your daily life to the benefit of yourself and others. I’m sure you can understand that, right?

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The Milton Model is a powerful set of language patterns modeled after Milton Erickson, the greatest hypnotist who ever lived.

Today’s pattern is called “Universal Qualifiers.” This refers to words or phrases that imply that something holds true, all the time, in all cases, or for all people. Many times people reflexively use this in a negative sense, as in:

You never tell me you love me.

You’re always late.

All Politicians are liars.

Obviously these are not true, even in the slightest, but they have a dramatic effect on the mind of the listener. When you use them in a positive way, they can be just as effective, and powerfully remove any doubt.

The simple way to create this pattern is to choose the idea you’d like to present, state it in such a way that it is universally true.

For example

Idea = exercise is the best way to lose weight.

Everybody that has started any consistent weight loss plan has always experienced some benefit.

This particular sentence has the added feature that “some benefit” is vague, making it even harder to argue with the idea that exercise will benefit anybody who tries it.

Idea = our product is fantastic

Everybody benefits from our product. In fact, nobody that has bought our product has rated it less than eighty percent satisfaction in our follow up surveys.

Idea = Milton Model Language patterns are powerful and effective

Everybody that has taken the time to learn and practice these language patterns has found them to be powerfully effective in all social situations.

Everybody that has learned these patterns has found some benefit.

You will always get results when you learn something new, and the Milton Model language patterns are no exception.

You can also use this to overcome objections when you are selling something.

Everybody that has eventually bought this product had those very same objections, but then everybody who decided to go ahead and buy the product anyway quickly realized that the objections were really nothing more than normal pre-sale jitters, as they all found this product extremely useful, much more useful and beneficial than they had previously thought.

Everyone that has made the decision to read this blog on a daily basis has found a plethora of useful information to go out and apply the very day you read this for immediate and enormous benefit.

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There have been many psychologists and philosophers over the years that have claimed that the brain is nothing more than a cause/effect creator, creating imagined relationships between events in the outside world.

While this may not be entirely accurate, it is true to a certain extent. Seeing one thing, and seeing something else happen in the same order a couple of times, and then developing a cause/effect belief about the pair of event is a huge time saver when it comes to cerebral processing power.

For example, if you were a caveman, and smelled a distinctive odor just before seeing a tiger, you’d certainly remember those two events as linked, so that in the future you’d be able to run quickly away at the same smell, instead of waiting to see if it meant tiger.

This powerful brain process can be used effectively in persuasion. In the Milton Model, “Cause and Effect” is a power linguistic tool. It can be used several ways.

You can phrase your idea as some kind of cause, and use a generally desired event or condition as the effect.

Buying my product will cause you to be very happy.

Participating in this investment program will cause you to become wealthy.

Participating in this exercise program will cause you to lose weight.

You could also turn it around, and lead with the desirable effect, and then imply the cause to the positive effect.

If you really want to be successful, you should study these language patterns.

If you’d like to easily lose weight, you should exercise every morning.

If you want to have a comfortable retirement, you should start investing now.

If you’d like to enjoy your grandchildren growing up, you should quit smoking.

You can also link an increase in one event or condition to an increase in another state or condition, by using “the more…the more”

The more you exercise, the more weight you’ll lose

The more you study, the smarter you’ll become.

The less you watch TV, the more free time you’ll have.

Another way to make these sound a bit less obvious is phrase them other than “X causes Y,” as this can be easy to refute with a simple “no it doesn’t.”

Another way to say “X causes Y” is:

X leads to Y

X can make Y a real possibility

X is naturally followed by Y

You can also soften it up even more (and therefore making them harder to argue with) by quoting some other group, either real or vague.

Many people have discovered that exercise naturally leads to easy weight loss.

More and more people are starting to realize that the sooner you start with dollar cost averaging, the easier you’re retirement will be.

It’s been proven time and time again that by learning conversational use of the Milton Model, you’ll easily become the most persuasive speaker that anyone has ever come in contact with.

And of course, as I’m sure you’ve realized by now, that the more you read this blog, the easier it will be to do just that.

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For those of you who have heard of Milton Erickson, and would like to learn precisely the same language patterns he used to cure his patients of all kinds of emotional (and sometimes physical) troubles, you’ve come to the right place.

Over the next month or so, I’ll be posting, in detail, the secrets behind his seemingly magical language patterns that allowed him to talk his clients out of their problems in as little as a few minutes.

For those of you who haven’t heard of Milton Erickson, he’s likely the greatest hypnotist to ever walk the face of the earth. He developed his own style of hypnosis, which is now commonly referred to as “conversational hypnosis,” or “covert hypnosis.”

The other kind of hypnosis, which you have likely seen on TV, or perhaps as a stage show, is referred to as “direct,” or “authoritative” hypnosis. This involves telling the subject that you are going to hypnotize them, getting their consent, and then having them close their eyes, count down from ten, etc.

Conversational hypnosis is just what it sounds like. A normal conversation, talking about this or that, but done skillfully, it can have profound effects.

Often times Erickson would tell his clients long winded stories that seemingly went nowhere, and jumped around from story to story, but they were carefully crafted metaphors, filled with powerful language patterns, that guided the patients subconscious to find the inner resources he or she needed to overcome his or her problem.

One of my favorite case studies was when a kid came to see him, with a problem of bed-wetting. Erickson started talking about baseball, and how when you catch the ball you have to “squeeze” at the right time, and when you throw the ball you have to “release” just at the precise moment.

The kid was entertained, enthralled, mesmerized, and when he left Erickson’s office that day, he never wet the bed again.

Richard Bandler, and John Grinder, the two “founders” or “inventors” of NLP are the one that painstakingly studied Erickson’s work, and transcripts of his therapy sessions, and codified all of his language patterns.

Each day or so I’ll post a video and a short article explaining a particular language pattern. All in all, there are 30 or 35, depending on how you group them together.

To get a feel for how powerful they are, if you’ve read my recent series on presuppositions (which are twenty eight patterns in and of themselves), they are only ONE category in Erickson’s magical language patterns. One out of about 30.

So check back here whenever you get a chance, and whenever you hear a pattern that sounds interesting, try it out on some of your friends, and see what happens.

The best attitude to take with these is to simply have fun with them, and see what happens. They can be fantastic party tricks.

For those of you that are into sales or any other kinds of professional persuasion, it would be a good idea to write out each pattern several times to really burn it into your brain. Many of these patterns work just as well in writing as speaking, so these (as well as the previously covered presuppositions) are fantastic for copywriting, or writing text on your web pages if you are an Internet marketer.

So you can look forward to some mind bending language patterns that will give you an incredible amount of conversational power.

All for free.

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This is the final article in the series on linguistic presuppositions, those powerful language patterns that you can use to conversationally persuade others.

There won’t be any new patterns here, just a couple of tips on how to practice them so you can quickly become proficient and start using them in your daily conversations without even thinking about them.

The best way to think of learning these, or any other language pattern, is to treat them like a sport, or a foreign language. The only real way to become proficient is to drill them like you would any new martial arts move.

The best way to drill linguistic presuppositions is to write them out, longhand. The best way to do that is to take an idea that you would like to focus on, and for each of the twenty eight presuppositions, write at least ten or twenty sentences involving that particular presupposition, and your chosen idea.

This will take some time, so give yourself a few weeks to really practice these so you can become proficient. It may seem like a lot of work, but the opportunities that will present themselves once you master these patterns will more than make up for it.

What I usually do is to get an empty notebook, head on over to Starbucks, and sit and write for an hour or so on the weekends, or thirty minutes here or there whenever I have time.

You’ll find a couple of interesting things happening. Firstly, you’ll start using these in your conversations and writings without really thinking about them.

Second, you’ll notice other people’s communication takes on a whole new depth of meaning. You’ll be able to listen to a couple having a conversation and know exactly what is going on below the surface.

You’ll develop a kind of X-ray communication, where you’ll be able to see below the surface structure of the communication of others and read their intentions like never before.

Even if you never plan on using these for persuasion, by writing them out and training your ears to hear them in the words and communications of others is well worth the effort. You’ll literally be able to read others like a book, and will find yourself with a whole new level of social communication skills.

A great way to have some fun with these patterns is to go online into any of the millions of forums out there and use these patterns to argue your point, whatever that may be.

If you really want to develop some mental flexibility, argue both sides of an issue, either on different forums, or with different user names. By arguing both sides of an issue you’ll really develop the intellectual elasticity that will be unbeatable when it comes to persuasion.

Of course, if you have any questions or comments, please drop me a comment and I’ll respond accordingly.

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