Sleight of Mouth language patterns from NLP are among most persuasive linguistic skills you can master. Presented in previous articles has been 22 of the most powerful patterns.

While it’s one thing to understand them and be able to come up with examples on an intellectual level, it’s important to understand that using them effectively in everyday conversations, whether in sales, seduction or to enhance existing relationships, they are far from academic.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that in order to maximize their effectiveness, it is imperative that you never set off the “he’s trying to change my mind” warning in the other person’s mind. Once this happens, the person will be on the defensive, and every pattern and trick you throw at them will only entrench them further in their position.

A good structure, or recipe, to keep in mind when embarking on any covert persuasion is as follows:

1. Through careful elicitation, make sure you understand their objection.
2. Agree with their objection or belief, and show them you truly respect their opinion. At the very least you must internally respect how they came to that conclusion, and how you yourself would come to the same conclusion in the same circumstances.
3. Think of at least three or four different patterns that you could apply to their belief. It doesn’t matter what order, or which patterns.
4. Then simply allow the conversation to flow wherever it goes, and bring up different alternatives as if you just thought of them on the fly. Or as if you remembered a friend or an old roommate who had a different take on things. The trick is for them to stumble on a different way of looking at their problem, limitation or objection themselves.

Fractionation can be a great way to introduce different ideas into the conversation. Fractionation refers to somebody who goes into a hypnotic trance over and over. For example, somebody who visits a therapist for the first time might have a hard time going into trance. With each subsequent visit, however, they will go deeper and deeper, quicker and quicker.

You can use this conversationally with the same effect. Talk about the objection or problem, then talk about the weather. Then talk about your friend through which you can introduce one of these Sleight of Mouth patterns. Then talk about the price of corn or something. Then introduce another pattern. Then talk about some sports team. Back and forth. Each time you return to the objection, with a different angle, they will be more and more ready to accept a different outlook on things.

So how do you practice using these patterns? There are plenty of ways. With friends, in online forums, or just simply get out there and fall on your face a few times.

One great way to help you do this is to keep a Sleight of Mouth Journal. Each day before bed, review the conversations of the day. Find an objection or limiting belief, where you could have used one of these patterns.

Then take a few minutes to imagine what it would have been like if you used the pattern successfully. Imagine yourself delivering the pattern. Imagine the other person feeling really good as they accepted your different model of the world. Imagine getting the sale, or the number, or a friend or partner with a new outlook on life.

After a few weeks of doing this, these patterns will become second nature. And the world will never look the same again.

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Sleight of Mouth language powers are among the most useful language patterns you can learn to affect personal change in others as well as easily overcome objections and obstacles. They have been used from anything from therapy to seduction.

Today’s pattern is the “Decision Frame.” This is based on the idea that when we state a belief or objection, we somehow think that the idea is “out there” somewhere, and it exists independent of us and our thinking.

However, once you delve into some of your own personal beliefs, and take an inventory of the beliefs you hold today compared to five or ten, or even twenty years ago, it becomes clear that all beliefs exist only in our heads.

To use this particular conversational reframe, all you need to do is speak of the belief as if it were a conscious decision made by the person you are speaking with. You don’t to suggest any alternatives, or judgment regarding their belief, as merely playing with the idea that their belief or objection is a result of their own decision making process, a whole new world of possibility will open up to them.

If you are familiar with some of the other sleight of mouth patterns, any one or combination will be much more effective when used immediately after this particular pattern.

Let’s look at some examples

I can’t wake up early because it’s too difficult.

How exactly did you come to this conclusion? Was there ever a time when it was difficult and you still got up on time? How exactly do you measure the difficulty,and make a decision regarding it’s impact on your ability to wake up?

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Did you do a statistically sound study to determine this? Or did somebody you trust and respect tell you this? Are there any published numbers regarding ability to get a job compared to level of education? How many jobs did you apply for and get turned down solely due to your lack of education before you came up with your theory?

I can’t find a girlfriend because I can’t talk to girls.

How many girls did you talk to before you decided that was the reason? When exactly did you come to this conclusion? Do you imagine ever changing your mind any time in the future?

I can’t buy your product, it’s too expensive.

And how exactly did you decide that? It’s important, because our product may very well be over priced. Was there a certain range you had in mind before you left your house today? Or do you base the price on how you feel when you are introduced to a new product or service? How do you feel when you know the time is right to buy something?

I can’t study all these patterns, because they are too difficult.

I’m interested how you came to the conclusion that they are too difficult if you haven’t studied them yet. Did you study one or two of them, and figure the rest were the same? How long do you generally look at something before making the determination that it’s too difficult?

I could never use these patterns in a normal conversation, I would feel too awkward and strange.

Since you’ve never used them before, I’m guessing you’ve felt awkward and strange before, and you think maybe these will produce the same feeling of awkwardness? How did you come to that conclusion? How do you imagine people reacting when you use these particular patterns?

(end examples)

Just by reading the naked text, these patterns can certainly be used without any kindness or obvious concern for the other person’s resourcefulness. It’s important to remember these patterns, and this one in particular, that you aren’t coming from a place of superiority, bent on proving the other person wrong.

It’s much more effective to become purely curious and interested in the other person, and how they formed their beliefs. Then once you get them speaking in terms of decisions and options, you can leave the belief change up to them. People are generally pretty skilled at changing their minds for the better when given an adequate opportunity.

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Without question, Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns are the easiest way to covertly sneak your ideas inside somebody else’s head without any detection whatsoever. When used correctly, they will take your ideas and suggestions as their own, thereby offering no resistance at all. These patterns have been used for everything from sales and seduction to therapeutic belief change and drastically increasing personal resources.

Today’s pattern is a fun one to play with, and is called the “What If Frame.” In this particular reframe, you accept your listeners’s beliefs, and then ask them to imagine what would happen if things were different. Simply by imagining an alternative reality (or what we think of as reality) we can discover untold resources that we didn’t even know existed before.

Before getting into this reframe, a little bit about conditional grammatical structures. (huh?)

Basically there are two types. The first type (first conditionals for all you grammar nerds) is when speaking about an event that is likely to happen, or has a decent chance of happening. This pattern uses “if,” present tense verbs, and the auxiliary verb “will.”

If it rains tonight, I will wear my raincoat.

If I run out of money, I will go to the ATM.

If I eat too much past, I will get gas.

The second type (second conditional for the aforementioned grammar fans) is when something has very little chance of actually happening, or is impossible. This uses “if,” past tense verbs, and the auxiliary verb “would.”

If I saw a UFO, I would grab my camera.

If I ate one million hamburgers, I would be very sick.

If I could slam dunk, I would be very famous.

The reason for bringing this up, is that sometimes using the second conditional is better. Even though few people will consciously discriminate between the first and second conditionals in casual conversation, we pick up on it subconsciously.

When speaking in a “What If” frame mind, using the second conditional can help your listener to fantasize about how things would be if they were different. They will subconsciously pick up that you’re speaking in terms of things that can’t really happen anyway, and they’ll be much more likely go to along with it.

And when they start imagining a different reality, one with much more possibility and resources, their mind will automatically start thinking of ways to get there.

To construct this pattern, simply accept their belief (stated as X causes Y, or X means Y), without arguing, and then playfully talk about how things would be if they were different.

If what things were different? Anything you want. If they didn’t believe that X causes Y, if X caused something else, If X only caused Y in certain circumstances, anything and everything is fine for this. So long as they go along with you in their imagination, this will work like a charm.

Make sure when doing this, not to take on the tone “Yea, if things were different, but they’re not, so we’re stuck.” Try and take on the tone of a little kid who can pretend that some box is a space ship fighting against aliens.

Some examples.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Yea, I can see how that’s one way to look at things. But what if you could? What if there were some way that you could start at a job without a college degree, and then work your way up through the system? What if there really were companies that based their promotions and management positions on the actual work that you did? If those companies did exist, how would you find them?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight.

Yea, lots of people would reject you for that, that’s for sure. But what if there were some people out there who were more concerned with your personality and your ability to communicate and really connect with people? (Notice the presuppositions?) If there were people like that out there, how would you find them, and start a conversation with them? How would you know them if you met them?

I can’t make money because I don’t have very good skills.

Yea, I’m sure it seems that way. But what if you could? What if you already had the skills to make money in some market? If that were true, how would you go about finding them?

I can’t buy your product because it is too expensive.

Yea, a lot of people say that, and I can’t disagree. But what if there were something about this particular product that made you want to buy it regardless of the cost? What if you were to realize that this product/service could help you out so much, it would be worth twice what we’re asking for it? How would you know if that were true?

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too complicated.

Yea, there certainly are a lot of them. But what if there was a way to learn them that made them fun and interesting, some way to imagine how your future would be if you mastered these patterns? How would that make you feel?

I could never use these patterns in real conversation. They’d feel too strange and awkward.

Yea, some of these patterns do sound pretty off the wall. But what if you could use these in a conversation, and nobody would know? What if these were so powerful, that they would send people on an internal search for various new meanings, and they wouldn’t even notice that you said anything strange or different? How cool would that be? How much extra money could you make?

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With the powerful Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns you can easily get inside somebody’s head (without them realizing it) and covertly twist their ideas around to give them a much more resourceful outlook on life. These can be used for destroying limiting beliefs, to drastically improve your sales, and to seduce whomever you please.

Today’s pattern is called the “Both Frame.” The basic idea is that when people express a belief or an objection, it’s set up as either a complex equivalent (X means Y) or a cause and effect (X causes Y). Although often times only one side will be stated, and you’ll have to extract the other side with your intuition based on the context of the conversation.

When people express these statements or ideas, they are usually in an “all or nothing” frame. There is no halfway point. When somebody says that they can’t get a good job because they don’t have a college degree, in their mind they mean that every single job they will get with their education will be a bad one.

If somebody says that being upset makes them eat ice cream, in their mind, anxiety creates one and only one response: Get the bucket of ice cream and the spoon. (Actually that doesn’t sound too bad right now, but I digress).

The idea then is to carefully introduce some kind of “halfway point” so that they have some more responses. When people express an objection or a limiting belief, they are expressing how they are stuck. They have built a rut in their minds, and they can’t think any other way. By introducing more choice, they can experience a new perspective. They can get that, “wow, I never thought of that before” feeling.

To use this conversationally, take the belief or objection at face value, and then wonder out loud about any other possibilities.

Some examples:

I can’t make the basketball team because I’m too short. (ALL assumption = height is the ONLY consideration by the coach).

Is that the first thing the coach checks, is how tall you are? Does he have any other criteria besides height, like teamwork, leadership, hustle, free throw shooting ability, inside shot, outside shot, anything like that?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight. (All or nothing assumption: Other people only care about weight and physical appearance)

Is that the only consideration people have regarding a potential relationship partner? I read this interesting article in Cosmo that said most people have about three or four different things that are important to them, and being in good physical shape is not the most important.

or

(All or nothing assumption: I can’t talk to anybody because it won’t turn into a relationship)

So you don’t want to talk to anybody and maybe be friends unless you are sure from the first minute that you are after them for a lifelong relationship?

I can’t buy your product, because it’s too expensive.

Do you always only look at the price when considering buying something? Have you ever bought something only because of price and later were disappointed? Does value, desire and expected pleasure from owning this product ever come into consideration?

I can’t learn all these language patterns because they are too difficult.

Do you have to learn all of them in one session? Is it possible to learn one this week, and another one next week? Imagine how powerful and persuasive you’d be six months from now!

I could never use these in a conversation, they would sound too awkward and uncomfortable.

(note: In this situation, the person is likely imagining using them for the first time in a high pressure sales situation, or an important point with an important person, like a boss or significant other, where losing an argument would mean a big deal.)

What would happen if you just playfully used these on Skype with somebody that you didn’t really know that well, when talking about something that didn’t really matter?

or

How does it feel to imagine using these with a practice partner, until you feel confident to start using them with others about inconsequential things, so you can better appreciate how powerful they really are?

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Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns are powerful linguistic phrases and arguments that can easily obliterate any objection and turn a limiting belief on it’s head. They can be used to improve any persuasive conversation from selling cars to seducing the lover of your dreams.

Today’s pattern is called “Metaphor Framing.” This is not a pattern per se, but it can be used to deliver any other pattern in manner that is conversational, non confrontational, and deeply effective on a subconscious level.

There are plenty of different definitions for metaphor. He is a brick house, is a metaphor describing some guy, who happens to be very large, in terms of a house.

The movie, “The Day The Earth Stood Still,” (the original version, at least) was a metaphor for the dangers of the cold war.

If you are a fan of Freud, sometimes a cigar is not just a cigar, if you catch my drift. (Just ask Monica Lewinski).

A metaphor, then, is any kind of language, story, or description, that is used to describe something else, without referring to it directly. It allows us to think about one thing in terms of another.

With these patterns, it allows your listener to try on some different ideas regarding their objection of belief, without really having to confront their objection or belief on a conscious level. Often times the belief merely vanishes.

This is how Milton Erickson did most of his amazing work. He would tell story after story about seemingly meaningless things, but when he was done, is clients problems were solved.

My favorite was a boy that came in because he wet the bed. Erickson told him stories about baseball, where it’s important to squeeze the glove just at the right time in order to catch the ball, as well as release just at the right time when you are throwing to home plate all the way from the outfield.

He also told him stories of big factories and valves and shut off switches.

So how do you use a metaphor with these patterns?

Use any of the other patterns, but talk about something completely different, but within the framework of the particular pattern you’d like to deliver.

For example, somebody says, “I can’t get a date because I’m too fat.”

One possible reframe could be that plenty of other overweight people are in happy relationships.

To put it into a metaphor, or a story, you could remind them of the story of Beauty and the Beast, and the moral that the person inside is more important in the relationship. Or tell some story of an old friend you haven’t seen in a while that was really big, but was always surrounded by attractive members of the opposite sex because he or she had such an outgoing and charming personality.

The important thing is to think of a story, and use a character in your story that is representative of the person you are speaking of. You can either have them take on the same objection, with disastrous results, or explain how they found a way around their obstacle and everybody lived happily ever after.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

That reminds me of this neighbor I used to have. He was always grumpy and unhappy. Never got married, never had any kids. Said he couldn’t afford them. He said he never was able to make much money because he barely finished high school. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that our other neighbor, who was the same age as him, was a high school drop out and was making six figures in some company where he started in the mail room and worked his way up.

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too difficult.

I’m glad Moses didn’t have that attitude when God charged him with leading the people out of the desert and into the promised land. The world would have been a much different place than it is today. It’s amazing that they were out there for forty years, living on who knows what, and they still made it to their destination.

I can’t use these patterns with others because it would be too awkward.

I wonder what the world would be like today if St. Paul felt that going into the various cities and preaching the Gospel felt too awkward?

or

I remember reading this poem by Rumi, this ancient Sufi poet. I don’t remember the words exactly, but it described the difference between fire and water. Fire seems to harsh and dangerous, but as soon as you step into it, you are in cool, relaxing water. But water, on the other hand, seems to inviting and peaceful on the outside, but once you step into it you are bathed in anguishing fire. I guess his point was that things that seem difficult on the outside are actually pretty useful and easy once you get past them, while things that seem easy and comfortable can keep you stuck in a living hell without hope for escape.

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Sleight of Mouth is without question the most powerful set of linguistic skills to conversationally destroy objections and obliterate limiting beliefs, oftentimes with your listener unaware of what just hit them.

Today’s pattern is called the “Ecology Frame.” Basically it invites the listener to examine whether or not the particular belief or objection is going to be beneficial for them in long run. It’s deceptively simple to generate, and can have some profound effects on your listener.

Most people assume their beliefs and objections are “out there” in reality, and set in stone. Just by speaking of them in terms of useful or not useful, it can create a feeling of choice with respect to their previously rigid beliefs and objections.

Most don’t even consider that they have the option to adjust their beliefs to produce a more resourceful outlook, so this pattern can bring some refreshing introspection in your listeners.

The way to use this pattern is fairly simple. Just take their belief or objection at face value, speak of it in terms of something they’ve chosen, and wonder out loud if it’s helpful or not to continue to believe this.

So let’s take an example, somebody that says, “It’s too hard to get up and exercise every morning.”

(being difficult causes me to not be able to do it)

First of all, accept their belief, but speak about it in “choice” language:

• So you’ve decided that getting and working out is too difficult?
• How long have you felt that way?
• How long since you’ve made that decision?
• Have you always felt that way?
• When did you choose to feel that way?
• What affected this decision?

Then wonder about the future, and how this belief will either help them or hold them back.

That’s interesting. You’ve said before that you want to get in shape, does thinking that it’s too hard to get up in the morning support your goals of fitting into that dress by summer time? If it doesn’t, have yo thought of a different way that will compensate for this?

Simply by speaking of the belief in these terms, and posing the questions this way will force them to think of their beliefs as personal decisions, rather than something imposed on them by the gods above.

This, of course, will give them the mental wiggle room to not only reevaluate their decision, but to start to see beliefs as actual choices that have consequences, rather than arbitrary truths about reality.

A great pattern to use with this is the Criteria and Values pattern. By showing them their chosen belief will give them something other than what they are trying to achieve, it can have a powerful additive effect (like chocolate and peanut butter).

Some more examples.

I can’t get a job because I don’t have a college degree.

Well, obviously you’d like a good job. I wonder if thinking that you need a college degree will help you or hurt you in the long run. Do you feel more positive about your future if you imagine a big roadblock ahead keeping you from the good stuff because of your lack of education? How does your future look if you imagine that you don’t need a college degree to get a good job?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight.

That’s an interesting way to look at things. If you were at a party, and you saw an attractive person that smiled at you from across the room, does thinking that make it easier or harder to go and talk to them? What would happen if you thought the opposite? Which would you rather choose as your default belief pattern?

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too difficult and complicated.

Yea, lots of people feel that way. Does thinking they are difficult make it seem easier to learn them? I met this guy once that would always decide things were easy to learn before he learned them, so he could learn them easier. He learned a lot, and I’m wondering if that may be a better way to look at things. What do you think?

I could never use these patterns in a normal conversation, it would seem to awkward.

Yea, I can understand that point of view. If you had an opportunity to use one of these patterns, does thinking that it would feel awkward make it seem easier or harder to actually use them? What would happen if you thought it would be fun to use them, how would make you feel?

As The Bard Hath Spake:

“Nothing is good or bad, but our thinking makes it so.”

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Sleight of Mouth Language patterns are little known about but incredibly powerful linguistic tools that you can easily use during normal, everyday conversations with powerful effects. Easily dismantling beliefs and quickly and effectively overcoming objections, these patterns have been used for powerful therapeutic change and incredibly profitable sales techniques.

The focus this article is the “Identity Frame” pattern.

First, a bit about the concept of “identity.”

Many times, most times, we think of ourselves in various tenses of the “be” verb. Functionally, this verb is a linguistic equals sign, equating everything on one side of the equation, with everything on the other.

The simple sentence, “I am happy,” is equating the speaker with the feeling of happiness. Sounds simple and a bit pedantic, but it bears some consideration. Not so bad, but what happens when you don’t do something as well as you’d like, and you say, “I am a failure”? Now it gets a bit trickier. The moment you say that, your subconscious searches our memories and judgments for every other instance that you labeled somebody or something a “failure,” and puts you in that category as well.

Technically speaking, you are nothing. You do things, you think things, you remember things, you feel things, but what you really are is always changing. Even the atoms, molecules and cells that make up your physical body (including the brain you are using to read this and hopefully store some of this information for later use) are always being recycled.

You are a process, a process that is always changing. You can’t be anything.

So how do you use this idea in a conversational reframe?

You could take the two sides of the statement, and equate them as being one in the same. This is similar to the “Allness” frame.

Or you could take whatever belief or objection they are saying, and identify them with that particular belief. It’s a way of showing the person that they really are a lot more resourceful than letting their mind be held captive by some imaginary belief or objection.

For example, somebody says to you “I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.”

What could you identify about that belief, that the listener wouldn’t particularly like to be identified with?

How about:

• Somebody that lets others determine their potential
• Somebody who allows their future to be determined by a set of exams
• Somebody who only follows what the crowd does without much thought
• Somebody who quietly takes their spot in society and hopes for some table scraps from the big kids

To phrase this, it sometimes helps to assume they are the opposite of that identity, and let them prove it by living up to it. It’s tempting to cop an attitude (Oh, you’re on of those people!) but that only puts them on the defensive, which will strengthen their belief, and destroy your rapport.

What? I didn’t think you were the type that allowed some arbitrary rules set up by society to determine their life. I thought you were the kind of guy who made their own luck and did whatever you wanted despite what the so called “experts” said was best. Since when are you letting a bunch of goofball academics who don’t even know you set some imaginary limit on your career and earning potential?

Some others examples.

I can’t play basketball because I’m too short.

You mean there is some kind of height limit on playing basketball? Do the laws of physics change, making it impossible to make a basket if the ball is shot below a certain elevation?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight.

So everybody who doesn’t date is fat? And everybody who is fat can’t get a date? That can’t be true, because I see overweight people in relationships all the time. What would happen if you were skinny in a relationship and then got fat? Would it automatically stop? How does that work? Do you each get some kind of post card in the mail telling you it’s over? Who’s in charge of this system, anyway?

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too hard.

I thought you were the kind of person who likes a challenge, especially when learning something can make you a lot of money, and make it easy to have wonderful relationships. You didn’t give up when you started walking, did you? Unless you parents had to hire some kind of personal walking trainer for you when you were a year old…

I could never use these in a real conversation, it would feel too awkward.

Do you really identify yourself as somebody who never tries anything unless it feels totally comfortable the first time? You’re not one of those people that are afraid to leave the house, and have to wash your hands every fifteen seconds are you? (said in an obvious joking manner, after building a lot of rapport).

I can’t buy your product because it costs too much.

I read this article once about an old lady who hated to spend money. She would even sell the daily newspaper after she read it. She died a rich woman, but she wore the same ugly dress every day, and her kids hated her. You’re not like her, are you? (said in joking manner, after building a lot rapport).

(end examples)

Some of these are bit tough to stand by themselves, so in this case it’s a good idea to throw these reframes out jokingly, and then change the subject, and then come back with another pattern or two.

Even when you change the subject, your listener will have at least in part considered the idea of what it’s like to identify themselves with the belief in such a way. When you come back later with a couple more patterns, it will be much more easier to dismantle their belief or objection.

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Sleight of Mouth Language patterns are incredibly useful for not only covertly dismantling limiting beliefs and objections, but also for drastically increasing the resourcefulness of both yourself and whoever you happen to be using them with.

Today’s pattern is called “Have To Framing.” This particular pattern applies some Cartesian logic and invites the holder of the belief or objection to consider other alternatives.

Cartesian logic was created (or so people say) by some super smart French guy named Rene Descartes a few hundred years ago. You might have heard of him. It basically takes a cause/effect statement, or relationship, and expands on it, like so:

Statement: Doing X causes Y

Applying Cartesian mumbo jumbo gets you these questions:

• What else does X cause?
• What else causes Y?
• What doesn’t cause Y?
• Does X ever not cause Y?
• Does X ever cause the opposite of Y?
• Does Y ever happen without X?
• What would happen if you did X?
• What wouldn’t happen if you did X?
• What would happen if you didn’t do X?
• What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t do X?

When you conversationally bring up these questions about a belief or an objection, it’s almost impossible for your listener to maintain that the belief is some set in concrete law of reality from Heaven.

A great way to introduce these questions is by way of presuppositions. You can presuppose that there are other alternatives by asking what evidence they would see if one of the other Cartesian mumbo jumbo logic phrases were correct.

For example, somebody says “Being stressed makes me angry.”

So you have Stress causes anger.

Some Cartesian statements could be:

What else causes you to get angry?
What doesn’t cause you to get angry?
What else does stress cause you to do?
Does stress ever not make you not angry?

And then you could stick them in some presuppositions by asking something like follows:

How do you know when stress doesn’t make you angry?

Even if they look at you with a completely blank or confused look, in order to make sense of that sentence, they’ve got to search through their history and see if there actually are any memories of stress not causing anger. Just by searching, they will subconsciously realize that

stress causes anger

is only true sometimes, not all of the time. When they come to that realization, the belief loosens up a bit, and they’ll realize that there are other things to consider.

To generate this pattern, mull over some questions like:

• Do you have to feel that way?
• What would happen if you didn’t believe that?
• How would you know if that wasn’t true?
• What’s it like when that isn’t true?
• What stops you from believing otherwise?
• What would it look like, sound like, feel like, if the opposite were true?

Merely by asking some well phrased questions will send them into a quick trance as they search their memory. They will likely come up with some contradictory evidence of the belief or objection. This would be a great time to hit them with some other patterns to really fry their circuits, er I mean, share with them some other language patterns to help them become more resourceful.

(And naturally, once their previously held beliefs are swirling around their mind like wisps of imaginary smoke, you can lay on some heavy Milton Model patterns and really have some fun.)

Some more examples you say? Sure. I thought you’d never ask.

I can’t get a good job without a college degree.

How would you know if you really didn’t need a college degree to get a good job?

I can’t find somebody special because I’m overweight.

What’s stopping you from finding somebody special despite your concern with your weight?
What would you feel like if you really could find somebody that would accept you just the way you are?
How would you know if you could find somebody that would accept you just the way you are?

I can’t buy your product because it’s too expensive.

What would have to happen in order for you to be convinced that it really was worth the price?
How would you know once you decided that the high price meant it had exceptional value?
Have you ever bought something specifically because it had a high price?

I can’t learn these language patterns because they are too difficult.

How do you know that you don’t already know most of them?
What will feel like if you did master them?
What’s stopping you from thinking they are easy and fun to learn?

I could never use these patterns in a normal conversation.

What would it feel like if you did, and they worked tremendously?
What’s stopping you?
How would you know if that was gone? (Whatever is stopping them)
How would you know if it was actually really easy to use these in a conversation?

(end examples)

The best way, in my experience, is to be as playful as possible when using these particular patterns. If you try and come across as some super smart person sage your wisdom of enlightenment, it usually doesn’t work. If you come across like some amateur psychotherapist trying to help them discover their hidden power, that usually doesn’t work either.

But if you act like a little kid who just discovered that by twisting the handle on the drugstore gumball machine just right gets you a free gumball, and you’re anxious to try and find other ways to get free gumballs, people will usually play along.

Remember, your job, when people whine, ”But what if doesn’t work,” is to say,

“yea, but what if it does work???”

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When you use Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns, those powerful set of linguistic judo that come from NLP, you avail yourself to an incredibly powerful set of skills with which you can quickly and easily overcome any objection, obliterate any limiting belief, and drastically increase the resourcefulness of both yourself and your listener.

The pattern for today is called “Allness Framing,” and is very useful to quickly kill the idea that the belief or objection is “out there,” like some unbreakable law of reality delivered from heaven. In a round about way, it forces the listener to consider that their belief is completely subjective, and therefore malleable.

Basically, you take their belief, apply it to everybody and everything that ever lived, is living, and will live, and ask them if it really makes sense. They will naturally find that others in their same situation or circumstances have a different take on the same events. Since others have come to the same conclusion they have, perhaps their own belief isn’t as true as they once thought it was.

For example, somebody says they can’t get a date because they are overweight. They likely have an idea in their head that overweight people can’t be found attractive by others. You then casually ask them if all the other overweight people share that same belief. Since they obviously don’t, they are forced to reconsider their reason for not finding a date.

Since losing weight is pretty difficult, it can be a huge barrier to success if you feel that your weight is holding you back. Once you realize it’s not your weight, but something else, then that “whatever else” can be a much easier obstacle to overcome.

In some cases, shifting this one belief can be enough.

For example, if they walked into a social gathering, and had the belief “people don’t find overweight people attractive,” they wouldn’t likely be very sociable, and would have difficulty starting conversations.

But if they walked into a social gathering without that belief, or even the opposite, “plenty of people find overweight people attractive,” it could be much easier for them to start a conversation.

You can also apply the Allness Frame to your listener, but throughout their own lives.

For example, somebody says, “I can’t buy this product, it’s too expensive.”

You can ask them if they’d ever bought something before that was “too expensive,” but as it turned out, that particular thing, whatever it was, was well worth the money.

It may not get you the sale right away, but it will likely bring out what may be the “real objection,” such as product features or something else that you can more easily work with.

Some more examples.

I can’t get a college degree because I didn’t get a scholarship.

You mean nobody who gets a scholarship ever gets a scholarship? Wow, that’s pretty rough. I didn’t know that. Wait a minute, I didn’t get a scholarship and I’m getting a college degree. What exactly are you talking about?

Being stressed forces me to eat a pint of ice cream every night.

Ever since you were a kid you’ve been eating ice cream every single time you get stressed? You mean you have a portable freezer in your car, and every time there’s too much traffic, and you may be late to wherever you are going, you pull out the ice cream and start munching away? That’s pretty ingenious of you! But what happens when you are stressed because there is no more ice cream? What do you do then?

It’s too difficult to lose weight.

Really? Nobody who ever lived has ever lost weight? I wasn’t aware of that. I guess I’d better be careful.

I can’t learn these language patterns, they are too difficult.

If they are too difficult to learn, how did so many books get written about them? Surely those people had to learn them enough to write the books? Maybe they were born knowing all these patterns?

I’ll never be able to use these patterns in a normal conversation, it would seem to weird and unnatural.

So nobody has ever learned a new way to talk? Nobody has ever taken a risk in public or in a social situation? The words that you know now, you knew them right when you were born, and you never went through the natural language learning curve, where you used words incorrectly or strangely? You are a fascinating person. What other talents were you born with?

(end examples)

Be a bit careful with these, as often times when you take away the “out there” hallucination that people hold with their beliefs, they are sometimes forced to confront their own shortcomings.  It can be difficult to accept that other people can do certain things, but you can’t. So people tend to fight tooth and nail to hold on to their “out there” hallucinations about their beliefs.

As with all the other patterns, introduce these conversationally, spaced out enough over time, and allow them to slowly come to their own conclusion about their beliefs.

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Conversational reframes are great way to covertly invite your listener to “think outside the box” when facing an objection or limiting belief.

The Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns are specific verbal strategies to use conversational reframes skillfully so any objection, obstacle, or limiting belief you come across doesn’t stand a chance.

The pattern for today is “Model Of The World Framing.” This is based on the idea that “The Map Is Not The Territory.” This truism from NLP holds a lot of weight, and deserves some attention.

We humans move through the world, and collect information through our five senses. Every idea, every thought, every fear about the future or feelings of the past are created with memories involving these five senses.

However, something happens in between the world “outside” and our representation of that world that is constructed in our brains from that sense information.

The data is distorted, deleted, and generalized. This is necessary, since our conscious minds can only handle a few bytes of information a second, but the amount of information constantly being presented to our fives senses runs in the millions or even billions of bytes per second. Our brain has to make some hard choices, and make them in real time.

So what happens?

Our brains are filled up with interpretations of what we really think is “out there.” And these interpretations are often generated by the meaning we give to events. However, most of us don’t see things that way. We don’t feel as if we give meaning to events, we feel as if we discover meaning in events.

By using this particular pattern, the Model of The World Pattern, we invite the listener to question their interpretation of certain events.

Simply by labeling their belief, which they likely assume is absolute set in stone truth, as merely a “model of the world,” it gives them some mental wiggle room to come up with some different interpretations of the same events.

Some ways to help them along these lines is to give some examples of others who see the same events, but don’t draw the same conclusions. Another way is to carefully find out how long they’ve held that particular model. Yet another way is to ask who they learned that particular model from. Speaking in these terms, it makes their belief or objection seem much more pliable and easy to shift around until they find something more resourceful.

Other ways are to use words like “seem, appear, feels like, etc.” to give the belief or objection a subjective frame, rather than a frame of absolute truth.

Some examples.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

That’s an interesting way of looking at things. I’m sure it seems like that right now. Do other people believe the same thing? Do most people that don’t have good jobs that have college degrees believe that? How about people that have good jobs, but don’t have a college degree, what about them? What do you suppose they believe?

I’ll never fall in love because I’m too fat.

You feel like you won’t ever meet somebody if you are overweight? Have you always believed that? Can you remember a time when you didn’t believe that? Do you remember who you learned that from? There are plenty people that are overweight, and happily married. What do you think they feel about finding a partner while being overweight?

My friend is angry at me because she didn’t return my phone call.

Yea, it sucks when somebody doesn’t call you right back. Has that always meant that she was angry with you? Can you remember a time when you knew she wasn’t angry and she still didn’t call you back? What about others? Do other people’s friends not calling them back mean they are angry with them, or could it mean something else? What if you called somebody you didn’t know, and they didn’t call you back, would that mean they were angry with you?

Learning these patterns is difficult. I’ll never be able to use these conversationally.

I met this guy who happens to be a sales rep other night at my Toastmasters club. He said he learned these patterns several years ago, and he’s been easily making six figures ever since. He said this was the best time investment he’d ever made, even more so that his formal college degree. I wonder if he thinks these patterns are difficult and too complicated to use conversationally.

An easy way to practice this pattern is to simply look at things, and practice giving them different meanings. Or find something you think is absolutely true (like ‘math is hard,’ or ‘it’s tough to make money in a down economy’), and find three or four different people (as different from you as possible) and try and guess what they believe regarding this.

Another way is to practice is on Internet forums, where the topics of discussion are easily flammable, like politics, religion, etc. Find some beliefs that people state relatively clearly, and practice using this pattern, either on paper, or actually posting to that particular forum.

Practicing this pattern on your own beliefs will give you an incredible amount of mental flexibility that can serve you very well throughout your entire life, so take some time to get familiar with this.

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When you use Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns, you suddenly have the capability to conversationally reframe arguments, objections, and even beliefs that have been held since childhood. Their power and effectiveness is only limited by your willingness to learn and use them.

Today’s pattern is along the same logical lines as the previous two, but takes things to an extreme. They can easily put something into perspective, removing the sting from any belief or objection.

This pattern is called “Eternity Framing.” You simply take the objection or obstacle, and conversationally move your listener out in time to the end of their life. From this vantage point the argument seems almost silly, and can easily be dealt with back here in the present.

This can work on a personal level as well. Whenever you find yourself facing a seemingly insurmountable problem, simply imagine you are on your death bed looking over your life. Compared to all the things you’ve accomplished, and all the things you will accomplish that you are remembering in your hallucination, the present problems won’t seem so bad.

So basically, you take the person’s objection, accept it at face value, and then casually move them out into the distant future, and have another look at the objection. You can either look back from the future, and make the objection seem small in comparison to everything else, or you can show them what a horrible life they have ahead of them if they persist in hanging on to it.

Let’s take a look at some examples.

When you watch football it means you don’t love me.

Well, maybe you feel that way now, but when we’re in our nineties, and remembering all the wonderful times we’ve had together, and all the ups and downs, I really don’t think football will seem like much of a problem.

I can’t buy this because it’s too expensive.

Yes, I agree. It sure seems that way now. But if you could imagine looking back on this decision in twenty or thirty years, and your in position to really see all the value you’ve received from this product, I think you can safely feel glad to have bought this today.

I’ll never get a good job without a college degree.

Well, when you’re retired, and living off a meager pension of a day laborer, I hope you don’t mind looking back over your life, just above the poverty line, and only being able to afford to buy something nice once in a while, while some of your neighbors, who are also living the good life, will have been comfortably retired for many years.

I just can’t exercise, it’s too difficult.

When you’re laying on your death bed, I hope you don’t mind having given up an extra twenty or so years of life because you decided to take it easy.

Learning these patterns are too difficult. Besides, I could never use these in a real conversation.

Yea, they are difficult. When you look back on reading this blog post when you are in your eighties, I guess you won’t mind having given up the opportunity of a lifetime, one that could have easily earned you extra hundreds of thousands, or perhaps even millions of dollars, over the course of your life. I guess you really like your comfort zone.

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When sufficient skills in Sleight of Mouth Language patterns, you can easily obliterate objections and limiting beliefs without even losing a step in your conversation. Unlike other objection dismantling procedures, these don’t steamroll your listener, using strong arm tactics. Rather, they covertly invite your listener to consider other points of view.

When they do change their mind, and come to the obvious conclusion that their previous belief or objection doesn’t really make much sense, no one will be the wiser.

Today’s pattern is called “Outcome of Outcome Framing.” It’s a step further than the previous pattern, “First Outcome Framing,” as it goes further out into the future.

Kind of like when George Bailey, in the Christmas favorite, “It’s A Wonderful Life,” was invited into a world where he didn’t exist, and decided that jumping off that bridge wasn’t such a good idea after all. He saw how worse off people were for him not having involved himself in their lives.

Similarly, you can conversationally paint a future for your listener, taking their belief as a starting point, and extrapolating out five or ten years into the future.

Sometimes we are comfortable with our beliefs in the present, even if at some level we realize they are limiting, but when we see how our lives will be five or ten years, often enough that is enough to shock us out of our complacency.

The basic structure of this pattern is to simply accept their belief or objection at face value, and then wonder, out loud, where that will lead them in a few years. It can also help if the future you extrapolate to will give them the exact opposite of what they think the belief or objection is doing for them in the present.

Let’s take a look at some examples.

I can’t help eating ice cream when I’m stressed. (X causes Y, Stress causes me to eat ice cream)

Yea, that’s one way to deal with stress. I suppose if you keep it up, eating ice cream like that every other night, you’re going to be a lot heavier in five years. Imagine how stressful that will be, what with all your extra blood pressure and cholesterol that you’ll be carrying around with you along with all that stress.

I can’t talk to girls/boys because I don’t know what to say.

Yea, I totally understand. I think so too sometimes. It’s gonna be embarrassing, ten years from now if somebody sets you up on a blind date, and they ask you when was the last time you dated somebody. They’ll probably think you a bit strange if you say you haven’t been on a date in ten years.

My friend didn’t return my phone call. That means she’s angry with me. (X means Y).

So you aren’t going to call her back? You’re call, man. But just think what it will be like if everybody who doesn’t call you back right away is your enemy all of a sudden. It’s gonna be a lonely world.

I can’t buy your product, it’s too expensive.

Yea, lots of people say that. I wonder about the people that didn’t decide to buy this product if they even realize how much continues value that this product provides for several years, that they’re missing out on, after only making one payment in the beginning.

or

Yea, that’s true. Some of my customers who bought this a few years ago, and are locked into all the free upgrades for life, are really happy they made the decision, before the price went up, just like it does every year.

(Note that in sales situations, it tough to build enough rapport to use this pattern directly, so telling stories about other people along the same lines is often times a good approach.)

Learning these patterns is too hard and complicated.

Yea, most people feel that way. That’s why I’m glad I decided to bite the bullet a couple years ago and really dig into them. Looking back, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I feel sorry for people who’ve known about these patterns for years, but never took the time to learn them. Their lives could be so much better now.

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With Sleight of Mouth Language patterns you can easily overcome objections and dismantle limiting beliefs with a few carefully crafted phrases.

Today’s pattern is called “First Outcome Framing,” and invites your listener or conversation partner to think of the results, or eventual outcome, of their particular belief or objection.

Just speaking about it in these terms is sometimes enough to shake it loose. When people express a belief or an objection, they are usually “set in stone,” at least in their mind.

But when we speak in terms of consequences, it somehow allows them to think of their belief or objection that they have a measure of control over.

The structure is fairly simple. You accept their belief at face value, and merely extrapolate out into the future, and get a less than desirable outcome of this particular belief. One that they would likely not want to experience.

This causes them to do a quick, mental double take on their original belief, oftentimes rethinking it. This works great when you follow it up with a couple of other patterns. You can either do this right away, or depending on the conversation and the relationship with the person, you can steer the conversation somewhere else, and then occasionally come back to the belief or objection, and throw another pattern at them.

They’ll have no idea why their objection or limiting belief went up in smoke. They’ll likely feel like they had some kind of divine inspiration or remembered something incredibly important that they didn’t know before.

To make this pattern, just take the belief, and casually wonder out loud what it will lead to, and let them come to their own conclusions. Just make sure that when you are wondering out loud, that the outcome it leads to isn’t all that great. You don’t want to support any objections or limiting beliefs.

A couple examples.

I can’t get a date because I’m no good at talking to boys/girls.

Wow, that’s pretty tough. I suppose just thinking that will keep you from going and talking to somebody that is really cool, and maybe starting a good friendship. I would kind of suck if somebody was waiting for you to go and talk to them, but you decided not to because you think you’re no good at talking to people.

My friend didn’t respond when I said “hi,” so she must be mad at me.

Wow. That’s pretty rough.So how do you treat people that are made at you? I usually get mad right back at them. So are you going to yell at your friend the next time you see her? That wouldn’t be very nice if she just had lots of things on her mind.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Maybe. But I’m sure that you won’t apply to many place if you believe that. And I’m pretty sure you can’t get a good job if you don’t apply anywhere. So I guess you’re right on track. That cool with you?

I can’t learn all these patterns, they’re too many, and they are too difficult.

Wow, that sounds pretty bad. Whenever I think something is too hard, I usually quit to. Do you know how many people are using these patterns to make tons of money in sales? I guess you don’t want that, right?

(end examples)

These particular patterns can sound a bit harsh if said without any judgment whatsoever. It’s important to remember that when you use these, you aren’t looking for an ego boost, or the person to say something like:

“Wow! I never thought of that! You’re so smart! Thanks for convincing me!’

Rather, you are simply throwing some ideas out there, and making it sound as if you are wondering about them yourself. Then leave it up to the listener to come to their own conclusion. (Which happens to be the exact conclusion you want them to.)

So long as you have no problems with your listener keeping their belief or objection, and you are throwing these out in a “Hey, cool if it works for you…” frame, then you should be OK.

Just make sure when they do decide to buy into your idea, you stick around to reap the benefits.

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Sleight of Mouth Language patterns are extremely useful to easily and quickly defuse limiting beliefs, and overcome objections. When most people come up against an objection, like “I can’t buy that, it’s too expensive,” or “That’s too difficult, I can’t do it,” they stammer, repeat themselves, and somehow hope that saying the same thing over and over again will somehow be persuasive.

With the Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns, you will have 24 different structures to easily dismantle any belief or objection you come across. The are extremely versatile, and can be used in any conversational, therapeutic, or sales situation.

Today’s pattern is very similar to the previous one, “Prior Positive Intention Framing,” only with this one you reframe the prior cause, rather than the intention.

It’s a bit more difficult than reframing an intention, as it’s fairly easy to assume that everybody is working off good intentions, despite the occasional negative behavior that these good intentions can turn into.

Uncovering a prior cause, and reframing it in a positive light is a bit tougher, although it basically works the same way. It gives your listener a much more resourceful perspective, allowing them a little bit more mental wiggle room to overcome their seemingly set-in-stone belief or objection.

Generally speaking, it’s best to put the event, or cause “out there,” in the world, so it’s not personal. Then you can describe their belief as something that was a result of something that was, in some part, not completely in their control. This can help them find more resourceful ways to think about their objection.

This one can sometimes border to accepting excuses, or sometimes even making them for others, as you shall see. However, when you word them carefully, your listeners can accept their prior actions in light of events with a more resourceful outlook.

For example, somebody says, “I can’t get a date, because I’m too fat.”

To put this in “X causes Y,” we get, “Being too fat causes not being able to get a date.”

Now the trick is to think of something that happened, external to them, that they may have framed in some way that wasn’t very useful, which lead to this belief. Then we can reframe that event, use that new “meaning” of the same event to lead to a different belief.

So maybe they were rejected before, by somebody, and they assumed it was because of their weight.

You could easily pull, “being fat means I can’t get a date” from that event, but you could also pull:

• Some people you click with, and some people you don’t.
• Some people aren’t emotionally available for a relationship.
• You have to talk to a lot of people before you find “The One.”

So now you can reframe that initial event, and spin it a slightly different way, so you get a different outcome:

Yea, it’s tough dating. And I know you’ve had experience getting rejected a lot. And that means you’ve talked to a lot of people. And I’m sure you know that some people you just click with, and some people you don’t. But since you are the kind of person who talks to people to find out if you click or not, you’re just the kind of person that is destined to find “The One” sooner or later. I wish we could all be as lucky as you.

How about a sales example?

“I can’t buy your product because it costs too much.”

Expensive product means I can’t buy it.

What would be something “out there” that happened to give them this belief?
Maybe they saw a product, it was out of their price range, and they didn’t buy it.

So from that experience, seeing an expensive product, and not buying it, could lead to the belief, “I can’t buy expensive products.”

But from that same event, seeing an expensive product, you could also get:

• Expensive products have more value.
• Expensive products have more features.
• Expensive products have longer lifetimes.
• Expensive products have better service contracts.

So you could take a previous experience of theirs (or assume one) and describe an expensive product in different terms.

It’s good that you think rationally when buying products. I’m sure you have certain value requirements in the products that you buy. I’m sure you have bought many product that have turned out to be good purchases. Let me give you some more information about this product along those lines that can help you make a better informed decision.

OK, one more.

I can’t learn all these language patterns because they are too complicated.

Prior cause = Previous experience with difficult material, that didn’t turn out so well.
Reframe = You are somebody that isn’t afraid to tackle difficult material, even though you aren’t certain it will turn out so well.

Yea, they can be difficult, and I can tell you’re somebody who has tried things like this before. Other people never try anything unless that are guaranteed an easy success. But since you tackle things and then make up your own mind, you are much more likely to see the absolute power and usefulness of these patterns. In fact, I can’t think of anybody that could master these patterns faster than you could.

A good way to mentally practice this is to simply reframe events, three or four ways, as you see them. Just watch people doing things, things that you would normally judge negatively, and think of different ways to frame that behavior in more positive light.

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Sleight of Mouth language patterns have been used in everything from therapy and sales, to seduction and getting elected (even to President). You can use them in any situation where you find yourself up against a verbal objection, or an expression of limitation based on some model of the world.

Today’s pattern is called “Positive Prior Intention Framing,” and is a bit of a doozy. It may seem a bit presumptuous, as you are assuming you know something about why a person is saying or believing something. But in this case, you are assuming a positive intention, and most people don’t get offended when somebody assumes something about them that’s positive.

The basic structure is like this. Somebody has got this objection, or limitation. That means in their mind, the way they are thinking about something, there is a problem preventing them from getting what they want. Maybe they think they can’t afford a product, or maybe they don’t think they can successfully convince their boss to give them a raise. In their mind, on that particular topic, there is something out of reach, and some big hairy (imaginary) monster keeping them from getting it. Not the best state to be in.

Then you come along, and listen to and understand their (imagined) predicament and come up with a positive reason they have constructed their own predicament. They can mentally step back from the situation, feel more resourceful (as most people will generally agree, at least in part, with the positive assumptions others express about them) and have a much higher likelihood of figuring out their limitation, or coming up with a way around their objection.

Underlying this particular reframes is one of the presuppositions of NLP, namely, that behind every behavior or belief lies a positive intention. People don’t eat too much because they want to get fat, it’s because the food gives them comfort, and seeking comfort is a positive intention. People don’t drop out of college because they want to limit their options, it’s because they fear failure, and avoiding pain is one of the oldest positive intentions of human nature.

To use this conversationally, you’ll need to think of some positive intention, or some possible positive intention behind their stated belief or objection.

• What are they really after?
• What are they protecting themselves from?
• How has this helped them in the past?
• How can this help them now?

Then you phrase in a positive, complimentary way, and carefully show them that they are much more resourceful than they think. Their mood will improve, their outlook will become brighter, and they will discover resources and ideas they hadn’t thought of before (either on their own or with your covert help), and may very well convince themselves of another way around their imagined obstacle or limitation.

Some examples.

Stated limitation:

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Possible positive intentions:

They want to maintain their safety. They don’t want to compete with others they consider “out of their league.” They want to stay with what’s familiar and known. They don’t want to get in over their head. They don’t want to try, and fail.

Possible conversational reframes:

So you want to get a job that’s stable, I can totally understand that. With today’s economy, focusing on maintaining a stable job is an extremely valuable trait to have. Many employers, in fact, are starting to shift their focus on from people with specific qualifications to those that can really focus and learn on the job, in order to create that stability both for the employee, and the employer. You might consider that when sending out your resumes.

Stated limitation:

I can’t find a romantic partner because I’m overweight.

Positive intentions:

Safety, security, emotional stability.

Reframe:

Sure, I can understand that. Nobody likes being rejected. It seems like more and more people these days are looking for somebody with exactly those characteristics. Somebody that is going to commit to something long term, rather than a short time fling.

Stated limitation:

I can’t learn all these language patterns, they are too difficult and time consuming.

Reframe:

Yea, I can relate. I hate studying all kinds of esoteric knowledge that has very little application. There’s only twenty four hours in the day, and you’ve simply got to decide what’s important and what isn’t. It’s good that you recognize that. Most people don’t. One of the reasons I like these patterns so much is that they make your communication so much more efficient, you don’t have to spend all day trying to convince somebody to do something. Just a few minutes is all you need.

(end examples)

A really good way to practice this pattern is to simply observe people you see. You don’t have to look very hard to see people that are engaged in behaviors and conversations that don’t appear to be very useful or healthy. Instead of judging, simply take a step back and imagine three or four different positive intentions behind their behavior.

Just doing this one exercise, even if you don’t bring it to the level of conversational reframes, has the interesting effect of making the world seem a lot less hostile.

And that can brighten your mood considerably.

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Sleight of Mouth patterns are incredibly useful linguistic tools to defeat any argument, overcome any limiting belief, or quickly smash any verbal objection that comes your way.

These patterns, when used together (there are 24 of them) will make you a linguistic ninja with a variety of tools to assassinate any argument that comes your way. (Nice metaphor, huh?)

Today’s pattern is called “Counter Example Framing”, and is pretty logical and straightforward. It is powerful enough to be used by itself, but when combined with one or two other patterns, you will virtually unstoppable.

In Counter Example Framing, you take the belief or the objection, and simply find examples where it doesn’t hold up. Frequently when people express beliefs or objections, they are framed in a “All or Nothing” structure, as if they are true for everybody all the time.

When you use a couple of counter examples, it can give them a bit of pause, as they start to realize that it’s really their map that is less than useful, and not reality itself.

Like the other patterns, be very careful when using this one, as you need to be careful of proving the other person “wrong.” Carefully suggest some other alternatives, and let your listener mull them over on their own, and come to their own conclusion (the exact conclusion you want them to come to).

Some examples

I can’t find a date because I’m too fat.

Being fat causes no date. (X causes Y)

So simply show some examples in your life, in their life, in other people’s lives where being overweight didn’t cause any problems.

That boy/girl in biology class likes you.
That big girl who works at the ice cream shop has three or four boyfriends/girlfriends.
So nobody who is over a certain weight can ever get a boyfriend/girlfriend?

I don’t have a college degree, so I can’t get a good job.

Yea, just like Bill Gates.
What about all the rich people that lived before they invented colleges, how did they get good jobs?
You had that awesome job in high school, and you didn’t have a college degree then.
Wait, doesn’t your boss not have a college degree?

Going on a diet and losing weight is hard. (X = Y)

Did you hear about that girl who lost 200 pound to win the love of her crush? She said it was the easiest thing she ever did.
People that exercise say that the endorphins created give them the most incredible feelings of pleasure you could ever experience.

Talking to girls is scary and terrifying. (X = Y)

I know this guy that can’t stop talking to girls. In fact, that’s the main reason he can’t keep a girlfriend for very long. He just loves talking to new people. Do you think it’s hard for him?

Your product is too expensive.

I know what you mean. I actually thought the same thing myself, and got a lot of grief from my wife when I first brought it home. But after we realized just how valuable it was, we were very happy that we decided to buy this.

Learning all these language patterns is difficult and tedious.

I read this book from this guy and he said when he realized how much more money he could make in his business with these patterns, he couldn’t wait to finish work so he could go home and practice. He said all he could think about was money and lots of time off from work as he studied these patterns. Now he’s the company president, and he only works about four months out of the year.

(end examples)

A couple of things may happen when you use these patterns. You might destroy their belief altogether, or you may uncover a deeper belief.

For example, the objection “I can’t meet people because I’m overweight” might not really be about being overweight. Being overweight is likely an excuse, and once you destroy the excuse with these patterns, you’ll uncover the real issue.

The other thing that may come up is you may encounter a belief about the world in general, but after reframing it with this particular pattern, the belief may shift to a belief about the person and his or her capabilities.

“Talking to girls is scary,” a global belief, or a belief about talking to girls in general, may shift to “I can’t talk to girls because I’m too scared.” Which is definitely a step in the right direction, because as long as somebody believes something is “out there” in the world, it can’t be changed.

Once you shift something to the personal level, it can easily be overcome with various other techniques. And often enough, when somebody else can do something, it’s a good enough model to work from to increase personal skill.

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Sleight of Mouth patterns have long been known to easily and covertly destroy any argument or limiting belief that you come up against.

First developed for therapy, they have since been used in sales and persuasion of all kinds. When you have a working knowledge of the Sleight of Mouth Language patterns, you will likely never lose an argument again, and never be at a loss when somebody throws up an objection.

Today’s pattern is called “Reflexively Applying To The Listener,” and is very similar in structure to the “Reflexively Apply To Self” pattern. The only difference is that instead of twisting the belief or objection around and throwing it back at the person saying it, you take the belief or objection and use it with your own examples.

As an added twist, you can apply the objection, or limiting belief to the particular conversation you are having, as your own limitation, so the person you are speaking with can see the objection or belief from another point of view.

Kind of like when somebody is wearing a goofy looking hat, only they don’t know it looks goofy until you take it and put it on yourself.

And like the previous pattern, you can either use this on the Internal State, or the External Behavior, whichever is more convenient.

Some examples.

I can’t succeed in business because I don’t have a college degree.

Well, I know a lot of people that are worth millions without college degrees, but since I don’t have one myself, I guess I’m not smart enough to explain to you how they got really rich.

So let me get this straight, If I come up with a brilliant idea for an invention, one that will easily make the manufacturer a billion dollars, they’ll still ask to see my college degree before they even take a look at the idea? I didn’t know that. I’d better give up on my plans then.

Wait, so the promotion I just got at work, despite not having a college degree, is fake? Why would they do something like that?

I can’t talk to girls because it’s too scary.

I’ve got this great method that will make it super easy to talk to girls, but I’m too scared to tell you.

Wait, talking to girls is scary? I’d better break up with my girlfriend then.

Hold on a second, I can’t do anything that scares me? That sucks. I guess I’d better cancel all my dates next week. I didn’t know that. Thanks for telling me. Wanna go hang out at the library or something?

Whenever I get stressed I eat too much junk food.

Hang on, dude, you’re stressing me out, I need a cheeseburger or I’m going to explode.

Really? I get stressed because I eat so much junk food. Does that mean I need to eat more on top of that? I’m gonna need some bigger pants.

Wait, you’re only supposed to eat junk food when you’re stressed? Damn. I’ve been doing it wrong. I usually hit the gym when I’m stressed. I’d better cancel my membership.

Learning all these language patterns is too hard.

You’re right. I’d better give back all those extra sales commissions I’ve been making.

You’re right. Let me call my boss and tell him that I really don’t want that promotion.

You’re right. I’d better call that model that’s way out of my league, and tell her that our date for next weekend is off. Wanna go hang out at the library or something? I hear they’ve a new fishing magazine.

I can’t buy your product, it’s too expensive.

Yea, it is pretty expensive. I don’t know what’s wrong with all those people that make less money than you that keep on buying it. Maybe they’re bad at math or something.

That’s true. I just hope the people that buy your products feel the same way, otherwise we’d both be out of business.

Yea, I agree, but please don’t tell anybody else. Otherwise I won’t be able to sell as many as I do to people just like you.

(end examples)

Because you are taking the belief on temporarily yourself, you are a lot less likely to offend the other person, so these are pretty good to use in any given situation. Just be careful you don’t go too far, otherwise they’ll think you are mocking them or something.

Just keep it light, and obviously humorous, and these should work pretty well. If you start off with this particular pattern, and then follow it up with one or two more, it should go a long way to completely disintegrating the belief of your listener.

Have fun!

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Sleight of Mouth language patterns are incredibly effective in overcoming objections, turning big issues into non issues, and covertly removing limiting beliefs in yourself or others.

Today’s pattern is called “Reflexively Apply to Self.” Since that definition is about as clear as mud, let’s take a closer look.

In this, the “Self” is the person saying or expressing the objection, belief, or argument that you’d like to easily demolish with your linguistic Jedi skills.

And the thing you apply, is their own stated belief. This creates a kind of infinite feedback loop,and sometimes is enough to break the pattern.

When I was a kid, my Dad bought this video camera. You could plug it into the TV, so you could see on TV what you were filming. If you pointed the camera at the TV, you saw an endless stream of smaller and smaller TVs going off into infinity. This is what this pattern will do to the mind of your listener.

So basically, the idea is to take whatever belief they say, and apply that same thinking right back at the belief itself.

For example, if the person says something like:

I don’t have a college degree, so I can never get a good job.

The belief is not having some kind of certificate or training, and that being a limitation of obtaining something deemed worthy and valuable (e.g. a job).

So to throw it back at the belief, you might say something like:

Did you need any special training or courses to come up with that belief? Or did you decide that without any professional assistance?

Or even more abstract:

Did that belief need a college degree to be true and shape the way you look at things, or did it just decide to do that without any “official” approval from some accredited belief creation review board?

Or if somebody says:

I can’t afford your product, it’s too expensive. (Expensive product means I can’t buy it.)

How expensive do you think it is to limit yourself to products based on a cursory review of their immediate benefits without taking a look at the long term value?

Was it affordable to buy that belief that seems to be controlling what you can or can’t do?

Or if somebody says:

I’ll never find true love, I’m just not an interesting person. (Me not being interesting means nobody will ever truly love me.)

Did that belief need to be interesting in order for it to convince you of it’s truth?

Do you truly love that belief enough to let it go, so you can share your uninterestingness with others?

That belief sure isn’t interesting, yet look how much you are attached to it!

Or if somebody says:

My parents were always poor, so I’ll be poor myself.

That belief doesn’t sound like it’s worth very much.

Is being poor very valuable to you?

Did that belief’s parents share similar outlooks as it, or were they completely different?

Keep in mind these particular reframes aren’t particularly logical, and sometimes don’t make a lot of sense. The way they work is by getting the listener to take something that perceived as solid, and written everlastingly in stone to pause and say, “Huh, wait, wha?”

This is often enough to show that their belief isn’t as rock solid as they thought it was. This can either be enough to let the belief or objection die a natural death, or to leave the door wide open for you to throw in some other patterns that can continue to weaken and eventually destroy this old belief or objection.

Usually, it’s best to just keep on talking while you get them in the “wait, huh?” state of mind. Otherwise they might circle their wagons around their belief and dig in for a protracted siege. This will have the opposite effect, as people’s beliefs are strengthened whenever they defend them.

Also, keep in mind to be very careful to not make your listener feel as though you are putting them on the spot, or using their own words or beliefs to insult them. There’s a fine line between coming from a point of curiosity, where you show your listeners beliefs to them in a new and interesting way, and taking them and throwing them back in their faces.

The first way works well, the second only works to make enemies, so be careful.

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Sleight of Mouth is an incredibly useful and powerful language pattern that you can easily use to overcome objections, covertly dismantle beliefs, and drastically expand any map of the world. This of course will give you (or your listener) a glimpse of a world filled with abundant resources rather than lack or limitation.

Today’s pattern is called “Reframe the Internal State.”

As used in therapy, the Internal State, (or IS) is generally used to described the persons internal feelings and judgements about themselves. For example, somebody may say that “I’m a loser.” They don’t say what happened in the outside world, they only describe their judgment about themselves.

In order to reframe this internal state, you allow them to keep their feelings and emotions, but you take the label “Loser,” and redefine it in terms that you are sure they won’t agree with.

Some examples:

I thought a loser was somebody who stayed in bed all day and drank whiskey, is that what you do?

My understanding of loser is somebody who hangs themselves after losing a friendly game of cards.

Losers are adults that immediately start stamping their feet and howling in agony whenever they don’t get their way.

When you combine this with the previously described pattern, Reframing The External Behavior ( or EB ) this can be extremely powerful.

One thing to keep in mind, is these labels “External Behavior,” and “Internal State” were originally coined as they were used in therapeutic settings. However, in the real world, which is “External Behavior,” and which is “Internal State,” can get a big murky, and in the end, isn’t really all that important.

Just keep in the mind that any belief is structured as “X causes Y,” or “X means Y.”

For “X causes Y,” you need to show that “X” doesn’t cause “Y,” it causes something else, or that “Y” isn’t caused by “X,” it’s caused by something else.

Similarly with complex equivalents, “X means Y,” you can simply do the same with both sides of the linguistic equation.

X doesn’t mean Y, it means something else. Or X doesn’t mean Y, something else means Y.

Let’s take a look at some examples, and attack them from both sides of the equation.

Not having a college degree means I can’t get a good job.

From one side:

Not having a college degree means you aren’t locked into your major, and that you can find a job that best suits your abilities, and then learn some really useful real world skills, that are worth a lot more money in the long run.

From the other side:

Being lazy and not continuously sending out resumes and going on job interviews means you can’t get a good job.

Being overweight means I’ll never find a romantic partner.

From one side:

Being overweight means that you have a lot in common with a lot of people, since being overweight is pretty popular these days. And having something in common with somebody is the strongest basis for any relationship.

From the other side:

Staying home and watching TV all weekend means you’ll never find a romantic partner.

Learning all these language patterns is time consuming and difficult.

From one side:

Learning all these language patterns will give you the most versatile, most profitable, and most charismatic set of skills you could possible have. Skills that will keep you well paid regardless of any economic or market conditions.

From the other side:

Going through life without any idea how to elegantly and persuasively get your ideas across to others so that they readily accept your way of thinking is not only time consuming and difficult, but costly as well. Stumbling through life and only blurting out hit or miss statements will certainly make it difficult for you to achieve any kind of financial security.

Keep in mind that the same caveat applies to these two patterns as all the others. Use them with curiosity, and above all, an honest and expressed respect for the other person’s beliefs. Nothing will make you enemies quicker than effectively attacking another’s beliefs from a position of superiority.

Your mission now, if you choose to accept it, is to find as many of these X means Y and X causes Y statements as you can in real life, and practice reframing them from both sides. A great way to practice this is to simply go through the day collecting them, and when you have time, sit down and come up with a couple reframes for each statement.

You can also practice these in Internet forums, and watch the sparks fly.

Pretty soon you’ll able to come up with these in real time, and you’ll really start to get a feel for their power.

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Most people, when they come up across an obstacle, or even worse, an objection, quickly fold and give up. Some try for the “hard sell” and continue to hammer away with the same statements (albeit slightly reworded) over and over hoping their poor listener will somehow change their mind, if only to shut them up.

But you, Dear Reader, will soon have the skills to not only overcome and literally obliterate any objection that comes up, but to deliver them in such a way that it will be the listener themselves that decides on the new way of thinking, often times without even suspecting it was you that loosened up their mind, allowing for new beliefs to get in there in the first place..

This is the power of the Sleight of Mouth patterns, the third of which is described in this here article.

The pattern for today is called “Reframing External Behavior,” and is a favorite of politicians. I’m sure you’ll begin to recognize it more and more after you get familiar with it.

Many beliefs, as expressed in the linguistic formulas of cause/effect and complex equivalent, are made up of an Internal State, and an External Behavior. Usually expressed like so:

• Internal State causes External Behavior

• External Behavior causes Internal State

• Internal State is (=) External Behavior

The trick is to take the External Behavior, and show that it means something other (and hopefully more beneficial) than the limitation that your listener thinks it does.

Let’s say your friend says:

“I’m not good at sports, so I don’t want to play.” To translate into an easy to disassemble cause and effect we get:

“I’m no good at sports so I won’t enjoy playing.”

So to reframe the “External Behavior,” or not enjoying playing, you might suggest to them that it’s not how well they do that brings pleasure from playing sports, it’s merely the competition.

How about another one: (External Behavior = EB)

Not getting a raise means my boss doesn’t like me. (EB = not getting a raise)

To reframe the External Behavior (boss doesn’t like me) you might say that your boss not liking you would be firing you, or something worse. Or you might suggest some other reasons they didn’t get the raise. Reasons that are beyond the boss’ control.

I gained ten kilos, that means I’m a loser. (EB = gaining weight)

Gaining ten kilos doesn’t mean you’re a loser, it is evidence that you are highly skilled at changing your body weight. All you need to do now is to put in the effort to change it in the other direction.

Making money is difficult. (EB = making money)

Making money is easy, just take a look at all the rich people there are in the world. In fact, there are many more rich people today than there were a hundred years ago.

Your product is too expensive, I can’t afford it. (EB = expensive product)

It’s not too expensive, it offers an incredible amount of value that will actually save you money in the long run compared to our competitor. Especially when you consider that you get free upgrades for life, something that no other company can offer.

My long commute every morning leaves me angry and frustrated when I arrive at work.(EB = long commute)

Actually, your long commute is a perfect time to listen to books on tape, or other self development CD programs that can drastically enhance your earning potential. This will make you more marketable, as well as allow you to earn a hire income so that you can live and work wherever you want.

Learning all these new language patterns takes too much effort. (EB = learning new language patterns)

Actually, learning these language patterns will give you an incredible edge in any area of life, allowing you to easily earn more money, become astoundingly persuasive, and gain substantially more personal power, which in the long run will save you much more effort than had you not taken the time to learn these unbelievably powerful patterns.

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This article is one in a series of training modules on Sleight of Mouth, an extraordinarily powerful set of linguistic tools that you can easily use to quickly defeat any argument, destroy any limiting belief in yourself or others, and overcome any imagined obstacle or objection that you come across.

In short, these language pattern will give you a tenth degree black belt in verbal Judo.

There are 24 patterns in all, and today’s pattern is called “Specificity,” or “Chunking Down.” This pattern won’t usually work on its own (although it does on occasion), but it is very powerful in ‘loosening up’ the mind of your listener, and give you some mental wiggle room to get in their and move ideas and beliefs around.

The basic structure is to ask questions in order to elicit more specific elements of the belief. Recall that these need to be in the form of “X causes Y,” or “X means Y” in order for these patterns to be most effective. It can sometimes be tricky to tease these out of your listener, especially if you are covertly or conversationally changing their beliefs.

Let’s look at some examples. Say a friend of yours says something like, “I don’t have a college degree. I’ll never get good job.” Or more likely, you will on the subject of high paying jobs, and they’ll simply say “Yea, but I don’t have a college degree.”

The implied complex equivalent, (X means Y) is:

Not having a college degree means ( = ) getting a decent job is impossible.

First of all, notice that the statement is framed as an established truth , and not only for the individual(e.g. getting a job is impossible, vs. I can’t get a job). This takes the pressure of him or her, and makes it a little bit easier to look at this belief more objectively.

In order to get more specific, (or to “chunk down” to use NLP lingo) simply ask questions for more details. Questions like:

• What degrees do you need?
• What jobs require what degrees?
• What kind of degrees? (Bachelors, Masters, PhD)
• What exactly is a decent job?
• How exactly do you know this?
• What information did you use to come to this conclusion?
• If I had to come up with the same belief, what would I have to imagine? What part of my past would I have to remember?
• Did somebody tell you this?
• Did you read about this somewhere?
• How exactly did you come to believe this?
• What age group does this hold true for?
• How do you know this is true? What pictures, sounds, feelings do you generate?
• Could you teach me how to reproduce those same exact sounds, feelings, etc?

This sounds like you’d be giving the person the third degree, so it’s best to ask these from a frame of genuine curiosity. As if you find the idea intriguing, but you haven’t made up your mind yet.

If you sound at all confrontational, or as if you’ve already made up your mind, the other person will shut down and go into defensive mode fairly quickly. To see this in action, go to any online forum, and hunt around until you find somebody expressing a limiting belief like this.

If you show up unannounced, and start firing off questions like the above, you’ll make an enemy real quick.

The trick is to ask the questions, and show no indication that you think the answers are right or wrong, or silly. Remain neutral, and curious. The idea is to expand the other persons idea of their own belief while feeling safe enough to talk about it.

Sometimes, if you can develop enough rapport, and refrain from ‘proving the person wrong,’ this can go to great lengths to weaken the belief so that it dies a natural death later on.

The most fundamental thing to keep in mind when using these patterns is to let go of any need to “take credit” for changing the persons belief. Your goal should be to covertly convince them to change their belief on their own, and honestly believe it was due to their own skills of introspection.

Your mission, then, if you choose to accept it, is to find some heavily trafficked forums regarding touchy issues (loveshack is a great one) and get some practice getting people to get more specific about their beliefs.

Just realize that more often than not, you’ll get a “Who the HELL are YOU?!” response. That’s OK. In this stage of your learning, it’s sufficient to just get a handle on the operational use of these patterns. Once you are more fluent with them, you can go back and practice using them with more elegance and finesse.

Have fun.

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You’re about to learn a set of skills that can instantaneously and obliterate any argument that comes your way, any objection that gets thrown up during a conversation, and any verbal obstacle you find in your path.

These verbal skills are so powerful that you will never lose an argument again, and if you happen to be in sales, you can easily double your closing percentages. They are a small subsection of NLP Language skills, skills that have been developed over the past several years for therapy, sales, and persuasion.

Namely, these are the Sleight Of Mouth NLP Language Patterns. When combined with Linguistic Presuppositions, and the Milton Model, they will give you irresistible powers of persuasion in any situation.

The basic premise behind the power of these skills is that any argument is in the from of either a “Complex Equivalent,” or a “Cause Effect” statement. If you haven’t watched the learning modules on the Milton Model, it would be a good idea to do so before you dive into these.

If you’re chomping at the bit to get to some powerfully persuasive language patterns that can easily destroy any argument, here’s a brief summary.

A complex equivalent is any statement that can be expressed as “X means Y,” or “X is Y.” Think of them as a linguistic equation, with one idea on one side of the equation, another idea on the other side, with the “is,” “means,” “implies,” etc. as the equals sign.

Anytime somebody expresses a limitation in that format, it is ripe for verbal destruction. If you are in sales, that means more money. If you are in a relationship, that means closer and more intimate communication, as you will drastically reduce the self imposed limitations in your partner. (And yourself,for that matter.)

A cause/effect statement is anything stated in the from “X causes Y,” or “X leads to Y,” or “X makes Y happen,” or any variation.

Being able to understand these in everyday speech is critical, and not as easy as it sounds. Most people will only express one half the equation, and you’ve go to be able to extract the other half from the context of the conversation.

You’ve also got to be very careful how you deliver these, as most people will become very defensive of their beliefs, and that’s what you’ll be destroying in many cases. When somebody feels their beliefs are under attack, they can take very personally. If you’re not careful, you can ruin any rapport you’ve developed and quickly find the opposite of your outcome coming true.

There are a total of 22 patterns, and in each subsequent post you’ll learn a new one. Take your time, and soak these up one by one. Once you start to learn these patterns, you ears will hear a whole new level of verbal communication, and you will begin to feel incredibly powerful with your language.

Most people, when they speak, simply blurt out a bunch of words, and hope they make sense. By combining presuppositions, the Milton Model, and now these virtually indestructible sleight of mouth patterns, you will be a force to be reckoned with. A Jedi Knight of Communication.

You’ll be amazed how horrible politicians are at getting their point across once you learn just a few of these patterns. While politicians have been known to use a few sleight of mouth patterns (whether they know it or not) they usually only use one or two familiar ones, and they quickly become ineffective, since they use them over and over again.

Your first assignment, should you choose to accept it, is tune your ears to pick up both complex equivalent statements, and cause/effect statements. TV programs, casual conversations with your friends, YouTube videos, or even politician speeches and TV news discussion shows.

Once you get the hang of picking them, up, take your time going through the following posts so you can learn how to dismantle any limiting belief or objection that comes your way.

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If you want to quit smoking, the best way is to tell everybody you know that you will quit this Friday. If you want to lose weight, the best way is to promise your close friends and relatives that you’ll be down to a certain weight by a certain time. If your boss wants to guarantee you’ll finish that report by next Wednesday, he’ll make you commit to it at the weekly meeting, so that everybody can hear.

The persuasive power of Commitment and Consistency is just as powerful as the other laws, but a bit more subtle. This law requires the persuader to elicit some kind of behavior or action from the person they are trying to persuade. It isn’t as passive as the other laws, yet it is just as powerful.

In his book “Influence, Science and Practice,” Dr. Cialdini demonstrated this beautifully. Several researchers canvassed few blocks in a residential neighborhood. They asked if they could place a small, non-controversial, discreet sign in one of their windows facing the street. They sign said something obvious like “be careful in the street” or something.

Then they canvassed the same neighborhood a few weeks later, only this time they asked people to put up a rather large, ugly sign in their front yard.

The people that had previously allowed a small sign in their windows were overwhelmingly accepting of a much larger, uglier sign. Those had rejected the small sign also rejected the big sign.

To demonstrate that they weren’t simply sorting the neighborhoods for people that liked signs, they first went through a neighborhood, and only asked to put up the big, ugly sign. Virtually everyone soundly rejected the idea.

In order to put up big signs, it helped significantly to find people willing to put up small signs. Once the small signs were up, and there proverbial foot was in the door, the larger signs were much more acceptable.

Some psychologists believe that this stems from the idea of cognitive dissonance. We don’t like truths that contradict what we believe about ourselves, so we tend to ignore them.

In the case of the small sign acceptors, they created an image of themselves as somebody who accepts a sign on their property.

Later, when the big sign request came in, in order to maintain their identity, they had to accept it.

Whenever we say or proclaim something in public, we are effectively making a statement about who we are and what we intend to do. When something happens in the future, we will tend to act in a way that is congruent with our previous statements.

Another powerful example.

Studies have been done on jury trials. When the defense and prosecutors have finished,the trial goes to jury. They retire to the jury room to work amongst themselves whether the defendant is guilty or innocent.

Frequently, they will take a “straw vote,” meaning they will get everybody’s gut instincts before they start to argue the particulars.

Cases where people state their belief in the defendant’s guilt or innocence out loud tend to last three times longer than when they write “guilty” or “not guilty” anonymously on a slip of paper.

When they commit their opinions for the other jurors to hear, they are much less likely to later change their opinion.

In “High Probability Selling,” by Jacques Werth, he demonstrates a particularly powerful sales method. The sales person is consistently asking the client “If this happens, what are you going to do?” Along the sales presentation.

For example, if the client says he wants to pay over sixty months, with no down payment, the sales person would say, “If I could get you a deal for nothing down and payable over sixty months, what would you do?”

Once the client says what he or she would do, they are effectively applying the law of Commitment and Consistency on themselves, and literally convincing themselves to buy the product.

This can be very powerful if you are a manager and would like to motivate your employees. Give them a positive label, and get their buy in. Once they publicly agree with that label,they will do everything they can to maintain it. Labels such as being creative, working together well as a team, or pushing to meet a deadline will be greatly enhanced by the application of this law of influence.

A powerful story (albeit it a bit old fashioned and having a slightly religious angle) illustrating this is the tale of Johnny Lingo. A wealthy, local trader in the Polynesian islands comes in one day to buy a wife. They are all shocked to find that not only has he chosen who is considered the ugliest girl on the island, he pays many many more cows that they think she’s worth. (While he is negotiating with her father, the other island women are bragging how many cows their husbands paid for them).

Fast forward a couple of years, and Mrs. Johnny Lingo is the most beautiful, gracious and noble women on the entire set of islands.

The moral of the story is to give people a positive imagine, and they will live up to it. If you give anybody a positive imagine, they will almost certainly agree with it, especially if there is physical proof (like eight cows in the transaction) and a public ceremony.

The take away from this to twofold.

If you want to improve yourself, or do something particular beneficial for yourself, tell as many people as you can. Tell them in positive terms what you will be doing, whether it be losing weight, getting a degree, passing a test or asking out a girl. This will have a powerful effect on your motivation. Be as specific as possible.

If you want to avoid committing to something you may later regret, be very careful about stating your intentions of the future. Reserve the right to withhold any commitments until you’ve given your conscious mind adequate time to think it over.

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The Milton Model is likely the most persuasive set of language patterns every designed, and can go a long ways in drastically increasing your influence and charisma in almost any situation.

But like with any tool, these can be misused. They were designed to be used in a therapy setting, where the listener was there explicitly to get rid of some kind of emotional problem. So they were very open to listening to the words of a powerful therapist to induce positive personal change.

But what happens when you are on the receiving end of these, and you feel as though you are being persuaded against your will? What happens when you are somewhat interested in buying product, but you really haven’t made up your mind yet? Is there a way to defend against them so you don’t go home with a product (or person) that you otherwise wouldn’t have?

Yes there is. The antidote to the Milton Model is the Meta Model. The Meta Model asks for specifics where the Milton Model is vague.

The Meta Model is a fantastic tool to get clarity in any situation where there is vagueness, but in this post we’ll look at it solely as an antidote for the Milton Model.

Anytime you hear a vague statement, there is something left out according to:

Who
When
How
Why
What
Which
Where

So all you need to do is to ask for specifics along these lines. Let’s go through some examples, along the lines of “dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market.”

Milton Model:

Many people believe that dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market.

Meta Model:

Which people? How did they come to that conclusion? What other methods did they try?

Milton Model:

It has been proven for many years that dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market.

Meta Model:

Proven how? By what methods? Proven by who? Against what standards? How many years?

Milton Model:

You can make money with dollar cost averaging.

Meta Model:

How much money? How long will it take? Has anyone ever lost money using dollar cost averaging?

Milton Model:

The more you study dollar cost averaging, the easier you’ll make money.

Meta Model:

Is there any other way to make money other than dollar cost averaging?
Has anyone made money in dollar cost averaging without studying?
Has anyone studied dollar cost averaging and lost money?

The basic structure of the Meta Model is to pinpoint whatever is vague, or whatever is left out, and ask for specifics. A fantastic way to get used to doing this is listen to any political speech, or read any Op/Ed piece in the newspaper or online, and see how many vague statement there are.

A vague statement, a statement that doesn’t specify the why, how, who, when, etc, is usually referred to a Meta Model violation. You’ll soon find that politicians, marketers, preachers, and persuaders or all kinds make their living through Meta Model violations.

Just be careful, though. While the Meta Model is a fantastic tool for uncovering specific information, it can be incredibly confrontational. Use caution when using it, and try not to use it on your friends. Only on salespeople you’d like to go away in hurry.

To see how antagonistic this is, go to any online forum where religion or politics is being discussed, and call out any Meta Model violations you see, from both sides of the argument. You’ll soon be the most hated member of the forum.

Most often, people use vague language not because they are consciously using the Milton Model for persuasion and influence, but because they really aren’t sure how to back up their opinions with facts or information. So when you use the Meta Model, most people will take it as a personal attack.

However, in other situations, when having an argument with a close friend or partner, the Meta Model, when used with kindness and compassion can be a great tool to find out what the problems or issues really are, so you can work through them and improve your relationship.

More information on how to use it in a positive light will be treated in a different post.

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The Milton Model is widely recognized as the most comprehensive set of language patterns that you can use in your daily conversations for powerful influence and persuasion.

Today’s pattern is called “Compound Suggestions.” It’s a great way to “sneak” a suggestion past the conscious critic of your listener, so that automatically take it as true without question.

The way to construct it is to make a statement, either by itself or set up with one or more other language patterns, and then follow it up with a statement that is going to be automatically perceived as true.

These true statements can be general truths, specific truths about the listener that you’ve already verified, or tag questions.

While the listener is unconsciously, (or consciously) pondering the first suggestion, you quickly make the second, obviously true statement. The truth of the second statement will bleed over to the first statement and will make it much easier for the listener to accept as true.

Some examples.

Exercise is the best way to lose weight, and staying healthy is important.

Here, “exercise is the best way to lose weight,” is the persuasive message, while “staying healthy is important,” is the general truth.

Dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market, and having enough money is very important.

So the persuasive idea is “dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market,” and “having enough money is important,” is the generally true statement.

To make this even more powerful, you can dress up your persuasive statements with as many other language patterns as you like, just so long as you finish your statement with something that is true.

Back to the “exercise is the best way to lose weight” example:

Many people have discovered that exercise is the best way to lose weight not only because it’s the most effective, but also because you don’t have to worry so much about counting calories or any other of that stuff. And being in shape is really important.

Idea = dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market.

Expert money manager that have been around for a long time keep coming back again and again to the simple truth that basic, dollar cost averaging is the best and easiest way to make money in the stock market. And having enough money in your future is important, isn’t?

More and more people are starting to discover that by not only reading this blog on a daily basis, but also sharing it with others through the various bookmarking services available can drastically increase your ability to influence and persuade others, giving you the skills to increase your income and be more charismatic. And it’s good to improve yourself, isn’t it?

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The Milton Model is a fantastic set of language patterns that you can easily use to persuade and influence others through simple conversations. Today’s pattern is called “I’m Not Going To Tell You,” and is very simple, yet very powerful, as it can set up the right frame of mind in your listener for an effective persuasive communication.

When you say, “I’m not going to tell you,” the listener goes into a quick mini trance. Since you say you aren’t going to tell them anything, their mind switches off its conscious critic, or judge of what is being said. Whenever we are listening to somebody speak, unless it’s a close friend or family member, we are at least on some level, questioning everything they say to make sure it’s valid and not dangerous. This usually happens subconsciously, and when people are violating any imagined safety, we usually get an “icky” feeling when speaking with them.

When you say “I’m not going to tell you,” however, the implication is that it is completely up to the listener to accept or reject the next idea, and that takes the pressure off, and the listener switches into a kind of “what if” thinking that allows them to consider other possibilities

Some examples:

I’m not going to tell you to participate in this investment seminar.

I’m not going to tell you to lose weight with exercise.

I’m not going to tell you to practice these patterns on a regular basis with all your friends and watch in amazement at what happens.

You can also follow up your statement with many other language patterns. For example you can talk about some other people that have decided to take your suggested course of action and have had fantastic results.

I’m not going to tell you to exercise to lose weight. Even though many people have found that exercise really is the best way to lose weight, and they’ve saved a lot of stress and money over goofy diet programs and herbal remedies that don’t work, in the end it’s your decision to decide whether or not you’re going to lose weight.

I’m going to tell you to enroll in our online investment seminar until you are absolutely ready. Most of the tens of thousands of people who have made a considerable amount of money through our systems also needed some time to decide whether or not this is the right investment plan for you.

I’m not going to tell you to read this blog on a daily basis, as you are very busy and need to budget your time wisely. Most people who have decided to read this blog daily after deciding that the information presented her is priceless and can earn you a considerable amount of wealth and happiness also have time constraints. So it’s important to choose wisely, here.

I’m not going to tell you to click the “share” button, as that would be a bit presumptuous. I really have no idea if you’ve found this blog interesting, or if you think that the Milton Model can be used in your daily conversation to get fantastic results. I’ll let you decide whether you want to click the “share” button so that others can benefit from this free information as well.

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The Milton Model set of language patterns is a fantastic communication strategy that can easily skyrocket your persuasion and influence. Usually referred to as covert hypnosis, it’s a great way to capture and lead the imagination of your listener or audience.

Today’s pattern is called “Building Excitement and Expectation,” and works similar to the way good TV shows leave you “hanging” at the end, so you have to tune in next week.

The basic structure of this pattern is to begin to communicate an idea, and then leave the idea only half spoken. This will generate a great deal of expectation in the listener, as most people loathe unresolved issues on many levels.

There have been a few studies regarding this phenomenon comparing short-term memory and these “open loops,” and they have indicated that short-term memory is significantly boosted when a loop is left open.

Waiters and waitresses were able to remember a vast array of information regarding tables that weren’t “complete” yet, but when the guests finished eating and paid their bill, all of their information was quickly dropped into the subconscious of the waiter or waitress.

There are several ways to create this effect in your listener.

One way is to leave pauses where you normally wouldn’t expect them. People normally put in pauses where they would usually put a period or a comma in a sentence. When you insert pauses in the middle of a sentence, it creates a great deal of interest and expectation in your listeners.

Consider these sentences.

Yesterday, I saw an airplane.
Today, I went to the store.
Last night, I ate spaghetti.

Pretty boring, right? When spoken, most people would put the pauses where the commas are. But consider how they wound when you put the pause between the verb and the noun:

Yesterday, I saw ….an airplane.
Today, I went to ….. the store.
Last night, I ate…..spaghetti.

If you were speaking to somebody, they would automatically pay more attention during the pause.

Another way to do this is to begin telling a story, leading up to a strange or interesting punch line, and then switch before you get there, and tell another story. This is particularly useful when you build up to your punch line with many tension-building adjectives (amazing, fantastic, strange, unbelievable, etc) and say them with a lot of congruence.

For example: (the italicized words are said with increased enthusiasm)

The other day I went into this bookshop. From the outside, it looked like any normal bookstore. But when I went in, man, was I surprised. The stuff they had in there was absolutely amazing, I mean I’d never seen anything like it anywhere. I kind of felt like I was a kid, and I went to the circus for the first time. I didn’t really know what to expect. I mean I knew there was going to be clowns and stuff there, but I had no idea they would have lion tamers, and people doing flips around up in the sky. I was absolutely spellbound the entire time. Ever since then I’d always like the circus….

(end example)

If you’ve ever seen a really good public speaker, somebody that makes a living at it (like any famous comedian) they leave “open loops” like this all through their routine. And when they start to finish up, they simply start closing the loops.

You can leave as many loops as you want, the more the better. When you combine these three:

Effective pauses

Tension building adjectives

Open loops

You’ll go a long way to captivating the attention of almost any audience. And being able to hold the attention of five or six people at party or social gathering is a fantastic skill to have.

To learn many more fantastic skills, check back here often, and please share this site with others.

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The Milton Model set of language patterns and communication strategies is a wonderful set of tools that you can use in virtually any situation where normal conversation is appropriate.

Today’s pattern, “Utilization,” is particularly powerful for many reasons. The basic structure of the utilization pattern, or strategy, is to take whatever information you can get from your listeners or readers, and simply agree with it, validate it, and use it in your conversation in such a way that it supports your idea or suggested course of action.

One of the reasons it’s so powerful it is completely opposite of what traditional persuasion and sales teaches. Old school persuasion and rhetoric teaches to build a strong case on logic, and hammer your listener with so many facts and figures that they have no choice but to agree with you.

Or worse yet is the “hard sell,” where you hammer your poor client with so much enthusiasm and veiled threats and insults (are you smart enough to buy this product? Are you rich enough to buy this product? Do you have the courage to buy this product?) that leave you with an “icky” feeling even if you do buy the product.

When you use utilization, you take whatever your listener or potential client is doing or saying, and agree with it completely, and let them know you totally understand and respect where they’re coming from, and then fold their statements or actions into your “story” and use it to support your case.

A couple of examples.

You are talking to somebody at a party for the first time, and they are showing all the classic signs of disinterest (turning their body away from you, giving you short answers to your questions, making brief but fleeing eye contact with you).

Most people would get discouraged, but since you are learning the secrets of conversational hypnosis and covert persuasion, you may say something like this:

Yea, I know. You’re not that interested in talking to me. That is totally cool. I hate it when you’re at parties and some goof comes up and starts talking to you, and you’re just have to be polite until they leave. It’s like some people just can’t take a hint. (You can point at yourself when you say this.) They just can’t tell that you’re not really interested. It’s like when my sister met her husband. He just kept talking to her, and wouldn’t leave her alone. At first she didn’t really acknowledge him standing there, and finally she figured if she talked to him a little bit he’d go away (you can point to yourself again at this point.) But then when they started talking, she started getting more and more interested in this guy (point to yourself again here), and they started dating, and that was pretty much that. This was about ten years ago, and now they have three kids. Which I have to baby-sit. Little savages. Do you like kids?

(end example)

Or if you are giving a sales presentation, and you can tell you client is not quite ready to by. You ask what they think of you’re product, and they say it’s too expensive, (which usually means they can’t appreciate the value).

Yea, I agree this product is really expensive. It’s definitely more expensive than our competitor’s product. I’ve heard lots of people tell me that, and to tell you the truth, if I were in there shoes, I don’t know if I’d buy this product either, if I only knew what I’d told you so far. But some of our other clients, when they find out about some more benefits that you really don’t notice until you imagine using this product for a year or so, and then they start to really see how this product can really help you. And most of them when they combine that information with all of our extremely flexible payment plans slowly realize that this is valuable far beyond what price you’ll pay for it. And several of our customers from years ago who initially thought it was too expensive are some of our biggest fans now, and consistently give us referrals.

(end example)

You can also use this pattern, or strategy in sales copy. You’ll need to figure out what some common objections there are for your particular product or industry, and then pace them, agree with them, and then turn them around so that they support the idea of purchasing your product.

This can be particularly powerful, and significantly increase your sales, if you place these “utilizations” within your sales copy right about where the objections start to crop up.

One way to do this is through customer testimonies. Simply do a poll of satisfied customers, and ask for specific feedback regarding certain objections. How they think of the product now vs. how they thought of it before they bought it. How the product is performing compared to what their expectations are, etc.

If your readers can see real testimony from real customers that show they had the same concerns before buying, yet are now happy and satisfied customers, that can go a long way toward increasing your sales.

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Today’s Milton Model pattern, that fantastic set of language patterns that you can easily use to persuade and influence others, is called “Covering All Ranges Of Possibilities.”

This pattern is great because it does a couple of things. It gives your listener, or reader a great deal of choice, so it never feels like they are being pressured into anything. The good news for you is that all choices will lead to your outcome, so this pattern can create a true win-win scenario.

Similar to the “Double Bind” pattern, this one gives several choices leading to the same outcome.

Do you want pay in cash?

Not so good

Do you want to pay in cash or credit?

Better, double bind, either choice leads to your outcome.

Well, we have many different ways for you to make this product yours. Some of our customers prefer to pay directly with cash, while others can use credit, either their own, or through our finance department, which has very competitive rates. Others can choose our six or twelve month installment plan, which allows you to take the product home today with only a few dollars deposit. Which one sounds easiest to you?

The idea is that, hopefully, somewhere in all those choices is something your listener will think is easy and automatic. The thing about giving people choices is that everybody has their own background and preferences, so what may seem like an easy choice to one particular person, may not be so easy or acceptable to the next person.

So it pays to think ahead of time how to phrase your ideas so that your listener can have as many things to choose from as possible. One thing people like is choice, and nobody likes having choices or options taken away. The more choices you give your listener, the better.

Another thing to consider is that your listener may really want to believe what you are saying, or take the action that you are suggesting, but perhaps they’ve never experienced anything like this before, and nothing in their history is giving them any idea of how to proceed. By giving them so many choices, you are helping to make it easy for them.

A couple more examples.

You want to persuade your friend to start exercising.

I just read this article in a fitness magazine, and they were saying how exercise really is the most important thing for consistent health and weight loss. And it got me thinking of all the different was you could exercise. I mean, some people get up early in the morning and go for walk, others get up and do some kind of body weight exercises. If you drive around here at lunchtime you’ll see lots of people out jogging on their lunch break. Many others go to the gym and squeeze in a workout on their lunch break. I even talked tot his one guy who said that instead of taking the elevator up to his office every day, he walks up eight flights of stairs.
Of course you can always do some walking at night, or stop by the gym on the way home.

(end example)

You want to go to dinner, but you’re not sure if your spouse/partner will want to.

When I was driving home from work today, I saw a bunch of people lined up outside that Mexican restaurant over on Fifth Street. I got me thinking how many restaurants and eateries there are where we live. I mean, there’s gotta be at least ten Italian places around here, and three or four Mexican restaurants. Not to mention all the Chinese food places and Sushi shops all over the place. They even have those ready made salads at the supermarket that you can eat on those tables they have set up for that. Which place sounds good for dinner tonight?

(end example)

There’s been plenty of research that indicates that the more choices people have (up to a point) the easier it will be to make a decision.

So, now, you can either use this information to help other people to decide, or you can simply use it to increase your sales if you happen to be in sales, or you could even try this online in Internet forums and see how much more persuasive you’d become. You could even use this pattern at parties with your friends, and see how much more charismatic you become when you’re using these patterns on a regular basis.

It’s up to you.

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Today’s pattern from the Milton Model set of language patterns, what is likely the most useful and persuasive set of language patterns and communication strategies, is the “Embedded Question.”

Embedded questions are very similar to embedded commands, in that you take a short, imperative phrase, (e.g. Use These Patterns) and embed them within a larger phrase, marking them of with a change in tonality or gestures.

With embedded questions, you embed them inside a question, rather than a statement like with embedded commands.

This can be more powerful for a couple of reasons. One reason is when you use commands, you can use them any way you like. Quoting other people, telling a story about something that happened to you before, or anything else you can think of. So long as you slip the command in there somewhere, and mark it off correctly, you’re good to go.

When you use them that way, you usually need to use quite a few of them to start to get some “movement” in the other persons mind. It is entirely possible to be talking about baseball, and giving commands that are leading the person to lose weight, or something else completely unrelated. When done this way, the commands, and the actions they generate, will usually be a hundred percent unconscious.

In the above example, the person might decide a day or so later to go on a diet, and may think it has to do with something completely different than your conversation.

However, sometimes you’d like to use these to get quicker and more direct results, with more participation from your listener.

Here’s where embedded questions come in.

You simply structure the question so you’re asking the person to think or consider or imagine something along the same lines as your theme. Then simply embed the command within the question. That way you are talking to them, on two different levels, conscious and unconscious, about the same general idea.

This can be extremely powerful. Basically you’re asking them a question on a conscious level, and giving them the command within the question to help them come up with the answer that you want them to.

Some examples. (Commands in bold)

Can you imagine the possibilities when you start to use these patterns on a regular basis?

Do you understand the significance of these patterns?

Can you become curious about how many different ways you can use these patterns?

Do you appreciate yourself, and all the potential you really have?

Can you understand the power that these patterns offer when you incorporate them into you daily conversations?

Can you understand how much easier it is to lose weight with exercise compared to all those nonsense commercials you see on late night TV?

Do you understand the value of dollar cost averaging to help you get rich in the stock market over time?

Can you feel compelled to not only read this blog every day, but to click the “share” button below to help others to learn these powerful patterns?

Are you beginning to understand how you can use these patterns every day for fun and profit?

Remember whenever you say the “command” part, change your tonality so it’s slightly different than the rest of the sentence, and also mark it off with gestures, or anything else you can think of.

Now, can you imagine the fun you’ll have when you try these patterns with your friends to make them feel really good whenever they’re around you?

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