Sleight of Mouth language patterns from NLP are among most persuasive linguistic skills you can master. Presented in previous articles has been 22 of the most powerful patterns.

While it’s one thing to understand them and be able to come up with examples on an intellectual level, it’s important to understand that using them effectively in everyday conversations, whether in sales, seduction or to enhance existing relationships, they are far from academic.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that in order to maximize their effectiveness, it is imperative that you never set off the “he’s trying to change my mind” warning in the other person’s mind. Once this happens, the person will be on the defensive, and every pattern and trick you throw at them will only entrench them further in their position.

A good structure, or recipe, to keep in mind when embarking on any covert persuasion is as follows:

1. Through careful elicitation, make sure you understand their objection.
2. Agree with their objection or belief, and show them you truly respect their opinion. At the very least you must internally respect how they came to that conclusion, and how you yourself would come to the same conclusion in the same circumstances.
3. Think of at least three or four different patterns that you could apply to their belief. It doesn’t matter what order, or which patterns.
4. Then simply allow the conversation to flow wherever it goes, and bring up different alternatives as if you just thought of them on the fly. Or as if you remembered a friend or an old roommate who had a different take on things. The trick is for them to stumble on a different way of looking at their problem, limitation or objection themselves.

Fractionation can be a great way to introduce different ideas into the conversation. Fractionation refers to somebody who goes into a hypnotic trance over and over. For example, somebody who visits a therapist for the first time might have a hard time going into trance. With each subsequent visit, however, they will go deeper and deeper, quicker and quicker.

You can use this conversationally with the same effect. Talk about the objection or problem, then talk about the weather. Then talk about your friend through which you can introduce one of these Sleight of Mouth patterns. Then talk about the price of corn or something. Then introduce another pattern. Then talk about some sports team. Back and forth. Each time you return to the objection, with a different angle, they will be more and more ready to accept a different outlook on things.

So how do you practice using these patterns? There are plenty of ways. With friends, in online forums, or just simply get out there and fall on your face a few times.

One great way to help you do this is to keep a Sleight of Mouth Journal. Each day before bed, review the conversations of the day. Find an objection or limiting belief, where you could have used one of these patterns.

Then take a few minutes to imagine what it would have been like if you used the pattern successfully. Imagine yourself delivering the pattern. Imagine the other person feeling really good as they accepted your different model of the world. Imagine getting the sale, or the number, or a friend or partner with a new outlook on life.

After a few weeks of doing this, these patterns will become second nature. And the world will never look the same again.

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Sleight of Mouth language powers are among the most useful language patterns you can learn to affect personal change in others as well as easily overcome objections and obstacles. They have been used from anything from therapy to seduction.

Today’s pattern is the “Decision Frame.” This is based on the idea that when we state a belief or objection, we somehow think that the idea is “out there” somewhere, and it exists independent of us and our thinking.

However, once you delve into some of your own personal beliefs, and take an inventory of the beliefs you hold today compared to five or ten, or even twenty years ago, it becomes clear that all beliefs exist only in our heads.

To use this particular conversational reframe, all you need to do is speak of the belief as if it were a conscious decision made by the person you are speaking with. You don’t to suggest any alternatives, or judgment regarding their belief, as merely playing with the idea that their belief or objection is a result of their own decision making process, a whole new world of possibility will open up to them.

If you are familiar with some of the other sleight of mouth patterns, any one or combination will be much more effective when used immediately after this particular pattern.

Let’s look at some examples

I can’t wake up early because it’s too difficult.

How exactly did you come to this conclusion? Was there ever a time when it was difficult and you still got up on time? How exactly do you measure the difficulty,and make a decision regarding it’s impact on your ability to wake up?

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Did you do a statistically sound study to determine this? Or did somebody you trust and respect tell you this? Are there any published numbers regarding ability to get a job compared to level of education? How many jobs did you apply for and get turned down solely due to your lack of education before you came up with your theory?

I can’t find a girlfriend because I can’t talk to girls.

How many girls did you talk to before you decided that was the reason? When exactly did you come to this conclusion? Do you imagine ever changing your mind any time in the future?

I can’t buy your product, it’s too expensive.

And how exactly did you decide that? It’s important, because our product may very well be over priced. Was there a certain range you had in mind before you left your house today? Or do you base the price on how you feel when you are introduced to a new product or service? How do you feel when you know the time is right to buy something?

I can’t study all these patterns, because they are too difficult.

I’m interested how you came to the conclusion that they are too difficult if you haven’t studied them yet. Did you study one or two of them, and figure the rest were the same? How long do you generally look at something before making the determination that it’s too difficult?

I could never use these patterns in a normal conversation, I would feel too awkward and strange.

Since you’ve never used them before, I’m guessing you’ve felt awkward and strange before, and you think maybe these will produce the same feeling of awkwardness? How did you come to that conclusion? How do you imagine people reacting when you use these particular patterns?

(end examples)

Just by reading the naked text, these patterns can certainly be used without any kindness or obvious concern for the other person’s resourcefulness. It’s important to remember these patterns, and this one in particular, that you aren’t coming from a place of superiority, bent on proving the other person wrong.

It’s much more effective to become purely curious and interested in the other person, and how they formed their beliefs. Then once you get them speaking in terms of decisions and options, you can leave the belief change up to them. People are generally pretty skilled at changing their minds for the better when given an adequate opportunity.

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Without question, Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns are the easiest way to covertly sneak your ideas inside somebody else’s head without any detection whatsoever. When used correctly, they will take your ideas and suggestions as their own, thereby offering no resistance at all. These patterns have been used for everything from sales and seduction to therapeutic belief change and drastically increasing personal resources.

Today’s pattern is a fun one to play with, and is called the “What If Frame.” In this particular reframe, you accept your listeners’s beliefs, and then ask them to imagine what would happen if things were different. Simply by imagining an alternative reality (or what we think of as reality) we can discover untold resources that we didn’t even know existed before.

Before getting into this reframe, a little bit about conditional grammatical structures. (huh?)

Basically there are two types. The first type (first conditionals for all you grammar nerds) is when speaking about an event that is likely to happen, or has a decent chance of happening. This pattern uses “if,” present tense verbs, and the auxiliary verb “will.”

If it rains tonight, I will wear my raincoat.

If I run out of money, I will go to the ATM.

If I eat too much past, I will get gas.

The second type (second conditional for the aforementioned grammar fans) is when something has very little chance of actually happening, or is impossible. This uses “if,” past tense verbs, and the auxiliary verb “would.”

If I saw a UFO, I would grab my camera.

If I ate one million hamburgers, I would be very sick.

If I could slam dunk, I would be very famous.

The reason for bringing this up, is that sometimes using the second conditional is better. Even though few people will consciously discriminate between the first and second conditionals in casual conversation, we pick up on it subconsciously.

When speaking in a “What If” frame mind, using the second conditional can help your listener to fantasize about how things would be if they were different. They will subconsciously pick up that you’re speaking in terms of things that can’t really happen anyway, and they’ll be much more likely go to along with it.

And when they start imagining a different reality, one with much more possibility and resources, their mind will automatically start thinking of ways to get there.

To construct this pattern, simply accept their belief (stated as X causes Y, or X means Y), without arguing, and then playfully talk about how things would be if they were different.

If what things were different? Anything you want. If they didn’t believe that X causes Y, if X caused something else, If X only caused Y in certain circumstances, anything and everything is fine for this. So long as they go along with you in their imagination, this will work like a charm.

Make sure when doing this, not to take on the tone “Yea, if things were different, but they’re not, so we’re stuck.” Try and take on the tone of a little kid who can pretend that some box is a space ship fighting against aliens.

Some examples.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Yea, I can see how that’s one way to look at things. But what if you could? What if there were some way that you could start at a job without a college degree, and then work your way up through the system? What if there really were companies that based their promotions and management positions on the actual work that you did? If those companies did exist, how would you find them?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight.

Yea, lots of people would reject you for that, that’s for sure. But what if there were some people out there who were more concerned with your personality and your ability to communicate and really connect with people? (Notice the presuppositions?) If there were people like that out there, how would you find them, and start a conversation with them? How would you know them if you met them?

I can’t make money because I don’t have very good skills.

Yea, I’m sure it seems that way. But what if you could? What if you already had the skills to make money in some market? If that were true, how would you go about finding them?

I can’t buy your product because it is too expensive.

Yea, a lot of people say that, and I can’t disagree. But what if there were something about this particular product that made you want to buy it regardless of the cost? What if you were to realize that this product/service could help you out so much, it would be worth twice what we’re asking for it? How would you know if that were true?

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too complicated.

Yea, there certainly are a lot of them. But what if there was a way to learn them that made them fun and interesting, some way to imagine how your future would be if you mastered these patterns? How would that make you feel?

I could never use these patterns in real conversation. They’d feel too strange and awkward.

Yea, some of these patterns do sound pretty off the wall. But what if you could use these in a conversation, and nobody would know? What if these were so powerful, that they would send people on an internal search for various new meanings, and they wouldn’t even notice that you said anything strange or different? How cool would that be? How much extra money could you make?

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With the powerful Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns you can easily get inside somebody’s head (without them realizing it) and covertly twist their ideas around to give them a much more resourceful outlook on life. These can be used for destroying limiting beliefs, to drastically improve your sales, and to seduce whomever you please.

Today’s pattern is called the “Both Frame.” The basic idea is that when people express a belief or an objection, it’s set up as either a complex equivalent (X means Y) or a cause and effect (X causes Y). Although often times only one side will be stated, and you’ll have to extract the other side with your intuition based on the context of the conversation.

When people express these statements or ideas, they are usually in an “all or nothing” frame. There is no halfway point. When somebody says that they can’t get a good job because they don’t have a college degree, in their mind they mean that every single job they will get with their education will be a bad one.

If somebody says that being upset makes them eat ice cream, in their mind, anxiety creates one and only one response: Get the bucket of ice cream and the spoon. (Actually that doesn’t sound too bad right now, but I digress).

The idea then is to carefully introduce some kind of “halfway point” so that they have some more responses. When people express an objection or a limiting belief, they are expressing how they are stuck. They have built a rut in their minds, and they can’t think any other way. By introducing more choice, they can experience a new perspective. They can get that, “wow, I never thought of that before” feeling.

To use this conversationally, take the belief or objection at face value, and then wonder out loud about any other possibilities.

Some examples:

I can’t make the basketball team because I’m too short. (ALL assumption = height is the ONLY consideration by the coach).

Is that the first thing the coach checks, is how tall you are? Does he have any other criteria besides height, like teamwork, leadership, hustle, free throw shooting ability, inside shot, outside shot, anything like that?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight. (All or nothing assumption: Other people only care about weight and physical appearance)

Is that the only consideration people have regarding a potential relationship partner? I read this interesting article in Cosmo that said most people have about three or four different things that are important to them, and being in good physical shape is not the most important.

or

(All or nothing assumption: I can’t talk to anybody because it won’t turn into a relationship)

So you don’t want to talk to anybody and maybe be friends unless you are sure from the first minute that you are after them for a lifelong relationship?

I can’t buy your product, because it’s too expensive.

Do you always only look at the price when considering buying something? Have you ever bought something only because of price and later were disappointed? Does value, desire and expected pleasure from owning this product ever come into consideration?

I can’t learn all these language patterns because they are too difficult.

Do you have to learn all of them in one session? Is it possible to learn one this week, and another one next week? Imagine how powerful and persuasive you’d be six months from now!

I could never use these in a conversation, they would sound too awkward and uncomfortable.

(note: In this situation, the person is likely imagining using them for the first time in a high pressure sales situation, or an important point with an important person, like a boss or significant other, where losing an argument would mean a big deal.)

What would happen if you just playfully used these on Skype with somebody that you didn’t really know that well, when talking about something that didn’t really matter?

or

How does it feel to imagine using these with a practice partner, until you feel confident to start using them with others about inconsequential things, so you can better appreciate how powerful they really are?

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Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns are powerful linguistic phrases and arguments that can easily obliterate any objection and turn a limiting belief on it’s head. They can be used to improve any persuasive conversation from selling cars to seducing the lover of your dreams.

Today’s pattern is called “Metaphor Framing.” This is not a pattern per se, but it can be used to deliver any other pattern in manner that is conversational, non confrontational, and deeply effective on a subconscious level.

There are plenty of different definitions for metaphor. He is a brick house, is a metaphor describing some guy, who happens to be very large, in terms of a house.

The movie, “The Day The Earth Stood Still,” (the original version, at least) was a metaphor for the dangers of the cold war.

If you are a fan of Freud, sometimes a cigar is not just a cigar, if you catch my drift. (Just ask Monica Lewinski).

A metaphor, then, is any kind of language, story, or description, that is used to describe something else, without referring to it directly. It allows us to think about one thing in terms of another.

With these patterns, it allows your listener to try on some different ideas regarding their objection of belief, without really having to confront their objection or belief on a conscious level. Often times the belief merely vanishes.

This is how Milton Erickson did most of his amazing work. He would tell story after story about seemingly meaningless things, but when he was done, is clients problems were solved.

My favorite was a boy that came in because he wet the bed. Erickson told him stories about baseball, where it’s important to squeeze the glove just at the right time in order to catch the ball, as well as release just at the right time when you are throwing to home plate all the way from the outfield.

He also told him stories of big factories and valves and shut off switches.

So how do you use a metaphor with these patterns?

Use any of the other patterns, but talk about something completely different, but within the framework of the particular pattern you’d like to deliver.

For example, somebody says, “I can’t get a date because I’m too fat.”

One possible reframe could be that plenty of other overweight people are in happy relationships.

To put it into a metaphor, or a story, you could remind them of the story of Beauty and the Beast, and the moral that the person inside is more important in the relationship. Or tell some story of an old friend you haven’t seen in a while that was really big, but was always surrounded by attractive members of the opposite sex because he or she had such an outgoing and charming personality.

The important thing is to think of a story, and use a character in your story that is representative of the person you are speaking of. You can either have them take on the same objection, with disastrous results, or explain how they found a way around their obstacle and everybody lived happily ever after.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

That reminds me of this neighbor I used to have. He was always grumpy and unhappy. Never got married, never had any kids. Said he couldn’t afford them. He said he never was able to make much money because he barely finished high school. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that our other neighbor, who was the same age as him, was a high school drop out and was making six figures in some company where he started in the mail room and worked his way up.

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too difficult.

I’m glad Moses didn’t have that attitude when God charged him with leading the people out of the desert and into the promised land. The world would have been a much different place than it is today. It’s amazing that they were out there for forty years, living on who knows what, and they still made it to their destination.

I can’t use these patterns with others because it would be too awkward.

I wonder what the world would be like today if St. Paul felt that going into the various cities and preaching the Gospel felt too awkward?

or

I remember reading this poem by Rumi, this ancient Sufi poet. I don’t remember the words exactly, but it described the difference between fire and water. Fire seems to harsh and dangerous, but as soon as you step into it, you are in cool, relaxing water. But water, on the other hand, seems to inviting and peaceful on the outside, but once you step into it you are bathed in anguishing fire. I guess his point was that things that seem difficult on the outside are actually pretty useful and easy once you get past them, while things that seem easy and comfortable can keep you stuck in a living hell without hope for escape.

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Sleight of Mouth is without question the most powerful set of linguistic skills to conversationally destroy objections and obliterate limiting beliefs, oftentimes with your listener unaware of what just hit them.

Today’s pattern is called the “Ecology Frame.” Basically it invites the listener to examine whether or not the particular belief or objection is going to be beneficial for them in long run. It’s deceptively simple to generate, and can have some profound effects on your listener.

Most people assume their beliefs and objections are “out there” in reality, and set in stone. Just by speaking of them in terms of useful or not useful, it can create a feeling of choice with respect to their previously rigid beliefs and objections.

Most don’t even consider that they have the option to adjust their beliefs to produce a more resourceful outlook, so this pattern can bring some refreshing introspection in your listeners.

The way to use this pattern is fairly simple. Just take their belief or objection at face value, speak of it in terms of something they’ve chosen, and wonder out loud if it’s helpful or not to continue to believe this.

So let’s take an example, somebody that says, “It’s too hard to get up and exercise every morning.”

(being difficult causes me to not be able to do it)

First of all, accept their belief, but speak about it in “choice” language:

• So you’ve decided that getting and working out is too difficult?
• How long have you felt that way?
• How long since you’ve made that decision?
• Have you always felt that way?
• When did you choose to feel that way?
• What affected this decision?

Then wonder about the future, and how this belief will either help them or hold them back.

That’s interesting. You’ve said before that you want to get in shape, does thinking that it’s too hard to get up in the morning support your goals of fitting into that dress by summer time? If it doesn’t, have yo thought of a different way that will compensate for this?

Simply by speaking of the belief in these terms, and posing the questions this way will force them to think of their beliefs as personal decisions, rather than something imposed on them by the gods above.

This, of course, will give them the mental wiggle room to not only reevaluate their decision, but to start to see beliefs as actual choices that have consequences, rather than arbitrary truths about reality.

A great pattern to use with this is the Criteria and Values pattern. By showing them their chosen belief will give them something other than what they are trying to achieve, it can have a powerful additive effect (like chocolate and peanut butter).

Some more examples.

I can’t get a job because I don’t have a college degree.

Well, obviously you’d like a good job. I wonder if thinking that you need a college degree will help you or hurt you in the long run. Do you feel more positive about your future if you imagine a big roadblock ahead keeping you from the good stuff because of your lack of education? How does your future look if you imagine that you don’t need a college degree to get a good job?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight.

That’s an interesting way to look at things. If you were at a party, and you saw an attractive person that smiled at you from across the room, does thinking that make it easier or harder to go and talk to them? What would happen if you thought the opposite? Which would you rather choose as your default belief pattern?

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too difficult and complicated.

Yea, lots of people feel that way. Does thinking they are difficult make it seem easier to learn them? I met this guy once that would always decide things were easy to learn before he learned them, so he could learn them easier. He learned a lot, and I’m wondering if that may be a better way to look at things. What do you think?

I could never use these patterns in a normal conversation, it would seem to awkward.

Yea, I can understand that point of view. If you had an opportunity to use one of these patterns, does thinking that it would feel awkward make it seem easier or harder to actually use them? What would happen if you thought it would be fun to use them, how would make you feel?

As The Bard Hath Spake:

“Nothing is good or bad, but our thinking makes it so.”

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Sleight of Mouth Language patterns are little known about but incredibly powerful linguistic tools that you can easily use during normal, everyday conversations with powerful effects. Easily dismantling beliefs and quickly and effectively overcoming objections, these patterns have been used for powerful therapeutic change and incredibly profitable sales techniques.

The focus this article is the “Identity Frame” pattern.

First, a bit about the concept of “identity.”

Many times, most times, we think of ourselves in various tenses of the “be” verb. Functionally, this verb is a linguistic equals sign, equating everything on one side of the equation, with everything on the other.

The simple sentence, “I am happy,” is equating the speaker with the feeling of happiness. Sounds simple and a bit pedantic, but it bears some consideration. Not so bad, but what happens when you don’t do something as well as you’d like, and you say, “I am a failure”? Now it gets a bit trickier. The moment you say that, your subconscious searches our memories and judgments for every other instance that you labeled somebody or something a “failure,” and puts you in that category as well.

Technically speaking, you are nothing. You do things, you think things, you remember things, you feel things, but what you really are is always changing. Even the atoms, molecules and cells that make up your physical body (including the brain you are using to read this and hopefully store some of this information for later use) are always being recycled.

You are a process, a process that is always changing. You can’t be anything.

So how do you use this idea in a conversational reframe?

You could take the two sides of the statement, and equate them as being one in the same. This is similar to the “Allness” frame.

Or you could take whatever belief or objection they are saying, and identify them with that particular belief. It’s a way of showing the person that they really are a lot more resourceful than letting their mind be held captive by some imaginary belief or objection.

For example, somebody says to you “I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.”

What could you identify about that belief, that the listener wouldn’t particularly like to be identified with?

How about:

• Somebody that lets others determine their potential
• Somebody who allows their future to be determined by a set of exams
• Somebody who only follows what the crowd does without much thought
• Somebody who quietly takes their spot in society and hopes for some table scraps from the big kids

To phrase this, it sometimes helps to assume they are the opposite of that identity, and let them prove it by living up to it. It’s tempting to cop an attitude (Oh, you’re on of those people!) but that only puts them on the defensive, which will strengthen their belief, and destroy your rapport.

What? I didn’t think you were the type that allowed some arbitrary rules set up by society to determine their life. I thought you were the kind of guy who made their own luck and did whatever you wanted despite what the so called “experts” said was best. Since when are you letting a bunch of goofball academics who don’t even know you set some imaginary limit on your career and earning potential?

Some others examples.

I can’t play basketball because I’m too short.

You mean there is some kind of height limit on playing basketball? Do the laws of physics change, making it impossible to make a basket if the ball is shot below a certain elevation?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight.

So everybody who doesn’t date is fat? And everybody who is fat can’t get a date? That can’t be true, because I see overweight people in relationships all the time. What would happen if you were skinny in a relationship and then got fat? Would it automatically stop? How does that work? Do you each get some kind of post card in the mail telling you it’s over? Who’s in charge of this system, anyway?

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too hard.

I thought you were the kind of person who likes a challenge, especially when learning something can make you a lot of money, and make it easy to have wonderful relationships. You didn’t give up when you started walking, did you? Unless you parents had to hire some kind of personal walking trainer for you when you were a year old…

I could never use these in a real conversation, it would feel too awkward.

Do you really identify yourself as somebody who never tries anything unless it feels totally comfortable the first time? You’re not one of those people that are afraid to leave the house, and have to wash your hands every fifteen seconds are you? (said in an obvious joking manner, after building a lot of rapport).

I can’t buy your product because it costs too much.

I read this article once about an old lady who hated to spend money. She would even sell the daily newspaper after she read it. She died a rich woman, but she wore the same ugly dress every day, and her kids hated her. You’re not like her, are you? (said in joking manner, after building a lot rapport).

(end examples)

Some of these are bit tough to stand by themselves, so in this case it’s a good idea to throw these reframes out jokingly, and then change the subject, and then come back with another pattern or two.

Even when you change the subject, your listener will have at least in part considered the idea of what it’s like to identify themselves with the belief in such a way. When you come back later with a couple more patterns, it will be much more easier to dismantle their belief or objection.

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Sleight of Mouth Language patterns are incredibly useful for not only covertly dismantling limiting beliefs and objections, but also for drastically increasing the resourcefulness of both yourself and whoever you happen to be using them with.

Today’s pattern is called “Have To Framing.” This particular pattern applies some Cartesian logic and invites the holder of the belief or objection to consider other alternatives.

Cartesian logic was created (or so people say) by some super smart French guy named Rene Descartes a few hundred years ago. You might have heard of him. It basically takes a cause/effect statement, or relationship, and expands on it, like so:

Statement: Doing X causes Y

Applying Cartesian mumbo jumbo gets you these questions:

• What else does X cause?
• What else causes Y?
• What doesn’t cause Y?
• Does X ever not cause Y?
• Does X ever cause the opposite of Y?
• Does Y ever happen without X?
• What would happen if you did X?
• What wouldn’t happen if you did X?
• What would happen if you didn’t do X?
• What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t do X?

When you conversationally bring up these questions about a belief or an objection, it’s almost impossible for your listener to maintain that the belief is some set in concrete law of reality from Heaven.

A great way to introduce these questions is by way of presuppositions. You can presuppose that there are other alternatives by asking what evidence they would see if one of the other Cartesian mumbo jumbo logic phrases were correct.

For example, somebody says “Being stressed makes me angry.”

So you have Stress causes anger.

Some Cartesian statements could be:

What else causes you to get angry?
What doesn’t cause you to get angry?
What else does stress cause you to do?
Does stress ever not make you not angry?

And then you could stick them in some presuppositions by asking something like follows:

How do you know when stress doesn’t make you angry?

Even if they look at you with a completely blank or confused look, in order to make sense of that sentence, they’ve got to search through their history and see if there actually are any memories of stress not causing anger. Just by searching, they will subconsciously realize that

stress causes anger

is only true sometimes, not all of the time. When they come to that realization, the belief loosens up a bit, and they’ll realize that there are other things to consider.

To generate this pattern, mull over some questions like:

• Do you have to feel that way?
• What would happen if you didn’t believe that?
• How would you know if that wasn’t true?
• What’s it like when that isn’t true?
• What stops you from believing otherwise?
• What would it look like, sound like, feel like, if the opposite were true?

Merely by asking some well phrased questions will send them into a quick trance as they search their memory. They will likely come up with some contradictory evidence of the belief or objection. This would be a great time to hit them with some other patterns to really fry their circuits, er I mean, share with them some other language patterns to help them become more resourceful.

(And naturally, once their previously held beliefs are swirling around their mind like wisps of imaginary smoke, you can lay on some heavy Milton Model patterns and really have some fun.)

Some more examples you say? Sure. I thought you’d never ask.

I can’t get a good job without a college degree.

How would you know if you really didn’t need a college degree to get a good job?

I can’t find somebody special because I’m overweight.

What’s stopping you from finding somebody special despite your concern with your weight?
What would you feel like if you really could find somebody that would accept you just the way you are?
How would you know if you could find somebody that would accept you just the way you are?

I can’t buy your product because it’s too expensive.

What would have to happen in order for you to be convinced that it really was worth the price?
How would you know once you decided that the high price meant it had exceptional value?
Have you ever bought something specifically because it had a high price?

I can’t learn these language patterns because they are too difficult.

How do you know that you don’t already know most of them?
What will feel like if you did master them?
What’s stopping you from thinking they are easy and fun to learn?

I could never use these patterns in a normal conversation.

What would it feel like if you did, and they worked tremendously?
What’s stopping you?
How would you know if that was gone? (Whatever is stopping them)
How would you know if it was actually really easy to use these in a conversation?

(end examples)

The best way, in my experience, is to be as playful as possible when using these particular patterns. If you try and come across as some super smart person sage your wisdom of enlightenment, it usually doesn’t work. If you come across like some amateur psychotherapist trying to help them discover their hidden power, that usually doesn’t work either.

But if you act like a little kid who just discovered that by twisting the handle on the drugstore gumball machine just right gets you a free gumball, and you’re anxious to try and find other ways to get free gumballs, people will usually play along.

Remember, your job, when people whine, ”But what if doesn’t work,” is to say,

“yea, but what if it does work???”

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When you use Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns, those powerful set of linguistic judo that come from NLP, you avail yourself to an incredibly powerful set of skills with which you can quickly and easily overcome any objection, obliterate any limiting belief, and drastically increase the resourcefulness of both yourself and your listener.

The pattern for today is called “Allness Framing,” and is very useful to quickly kill the idea that the belief or objection is “out there,” like some unbreakable law of reality delivered from heaven. In a round about way, it forces the listener to consider that their belief is completely subjective, and therefore malleable.

Basically, you take their belief, apply it to everybody and everything that ever lived, is living, and will live, and ask them if it really makes sense. They will naturally find that others in their same situation or circumstances have a different take on the same events. Since others have come to the same conclusion they have, perhaps their own belief isn’t as true as they once thought it was.

For example, somebody says they can’t get a date because they are overweight. They likely have an idea in their head that overweight people can’t be found attractive by others. You then casually ask them if all the other overweight people share that same belief. Since they obviously don’t, they are forced to reconsider their reason for not finding a date.

Since losing weight is pretty difficult, it can be a huge barrier to success if you feel that your weight is holding you back. Once you realize it’s not your weight, but something else, then that “whatever else” can be a much easier obstacle to overcome.

In some cases, shifting this one belief can be enough.

For example, if they walked into a social gathering, and had the belief “people don’t find overweight people attractive,” they wouldn’t likely be very sociable, and would have difficulty starting conversations.

But if they walked into a social gathering without that belief, or even the opposite, “plenty of people find overweight people attractive,” it could be much easier for them to start a conversation.

You can also apply the Allness Frame to your listener, but throughout their own lives.

For example, somebody says, “I can’t buy this product, it’s too expensive.”

You can ask them if they’d ever bought something before that was “too expensive,” but as it turned out, that particular thing, whatever it was, was well worth the money.

It may not get you the sale right away, but it will likely bring out what may be the “real objection,” such as product features or something else that you can more easily work with.

Some more examples.

I can’t get a college degree because I didn’t get a scholarship.

You mean nobody who gets a scholarship ever gets a scholarship? Wow, that’s pretty rough. I didn’t know that. Wait a minute, I didn’t get a scholarship and I’m getting a college degree. What exactly are you talking about?

Being stressed forces me to eat a pint of ice cream every night.

Ever since you were a kid you’ve been eating ice cream every single time you get stressed? You mean you have a portable freezer in your car, and every time there’s too much traffic, and you may be late to wherever you are going, you pull out the ice cream and start munching away? That’s pretty ingenious of you! But what happens when you are stressed because there is no more ice cream? What do you do then?

It’s too difficult to lose weight.

Really? Nobody who ever lived has ever lost weight? I wasn’t aware of that. I guess I’d better be careful.

I can’t learn these language patterns, they are too difficult.

If they are too difficult to learn, how did so many books get written about them? Surely those people had to learn them enough to write the books? Maybe they were born knowing all these patterns?

I’ll never be able to use these patterns in a normal conversation, it would seem to weird and unnatural.

So nobody has ever learned a new way to talk? Nobody has ever taken a risk in public or in a social situation? The words that you know now, you knew them right when you were born, and you never went through the natural language learning curve, where you used words incorrectly or strangely? You are a fascinating person. What other talents were you born with?

(end examples)

Be a bit careful with these, as often times when you take away the “out there” hallucination that people hold with their beliefs, they are sometimes forced to confront their own shortcomings.  It can be difficult to accept that other people can do certain things, but you can’t. So people tend to fight tooth and nail to hold on to their “out there” hallucinations about their beliefs.

As with all the other patterns, introduce these conversationally, spaced out enough over time, and allow them to slowly come to their own conclusion about their beliefs.

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When you use Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns, you open up a door to powerful conversational reframing that will allow you to easily and effortlessly overcome any objection and smash any limiting belief with impunity. Never again will you lose an argument or be at a loss for words.

Today’s pattern is called “Values And Criteria Framing,” and is very powerful. First of all, what are values and criteria?

For something specific, like buying a car, a particular criterion may be color, or engine size, or number of seats. For other things like movies, restaurants, housing locations, we all have our own specific criteria based on our own tastes. Personally, I like action movies, Mexican restaurants, and quite neighborhoods, preferably near a school or park.

When we start talking about so called “higher level” criteria, about very important things like life and relationships they start to get very vague.

What’s important to you in a relationship? You’ll likely come up with some descriptions like mutual trust and respect, mutual appreciation, open and honest communication. But what do these terms really mean? How exactly can you measure them. The truth is that you can’t. You can certainly feel when they are true and when they are not. You can certainly see evidence of them. Most of the time you just know if you have them or not.

These are the vague, criteria and values that you can leverage to overcome objections and limiting beliefs.

Whenever you apply these so called “higher level” values and criteria to “lower level” objections or beliefs, they have a tendency to “work downwards,” and effectively re-organize the lower level objection.

For example, somebody buying a product may object that it’s too expensive. What could be some higher level criteria?

Value
Satisfaction
Security

These are hard to define, but are held by most people when they got out shopping for whatever they happen to be looking for. When you apply them to the objection, the objection seems to be much less important.

I can’t buy this product because it’s too expensive.

Yea, I’m sure it feels that way. But when you think about what’s really important, and think about how your decision today will affect your long term satisfaction with whatever product you decide to buy, I wonder if you can’t really see how this product has an incredible amount of value, which can easily give you the security your looking for.

Another example, somebody says that they can’t find a romantic partner because they are overweight.

What are some possible higher level criteria or values?

Connection
Communication
Mutual Respect
Mutual Appreciation

So a possible response may be:

Yea, it does seem tough these days to find “The One.” And when you imagine how wonderful your ideal relationship will be, don’t those feelings of true connection and communication with somebody seem a little bit more important than worrying about a few extra pounds? Isn’t it more important to focus on what’s really important, things like finding mutual respect and appreciation, rather than worrying about the few people who will reject you because of your weight?

How about another:

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too confusing and difficult, let alone use them in a normal conversation.

Yes, learning new things is always difficult, especially when you are learning new ways to communicate with others. What’s really important is how much more resourceful you’ll be once you’ve mastered these patterns, and how you can easily destroy not only your own limiting beliefs, but those of your friends and family as well. And when you think about how useful and effective persuasive communication is in all areas of life, it can make any worries about learning them small in comparison.

A word about criteria.

All of us have a set of criteria that we spend our whole lives trying to fulfill. Whenever you speak with someone regarding their own criteria, treat whatever they say with the utmost respect.

And always use the exact same words they use, with the exact same tonality and emphasis, when describing their own criteria to them. One way these patterns will definitely not work is if you assume you know what their criteria are, and use your assumptions instead of their own information.

This of course requires you set up some rapport, and do some digging to elicit their criteria before you start firing away with these patterns.

You’ll find that when proper rapport, and just a few of their criteria, these particular patterns can be extremely powerful and persuasive.

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Conversational reframes are great way to covertly invite your listener to “think outside the box” when facing an objection or limiting belief.

The Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns are specific verbal strategies to use conversational reframes skillfully so any objection, obstacle, or limiting belief you come across doesn’t stand a chance.

The pattern for today is “Model Of The World Framing.” This is based on the idea that “The Map Is Not The Territory.” This truism from NLP holds a lot of weight, and deserves some attention.

We humans move through the world, and collect information through our five senses. Every idea, every thought, every fear about the future or feelings of the past are created with memories involving these five senses.

However, something happens in between the world “outside” and our representation of that world that is constructed in our brains from that sense information.

The data is distorted, deleted, and generalized. This is necessary, since our conscious minds can only handle a few bytes of information a second, but the amount of information constantly being presented to our fives senses runs in the millions or even billions of bytes per second. Our brain has to make some hard choices, and make them in real time.

So what happens?

Our brains are filled up with interpretations of what we really think is “out there.” And these interpretations are often generated by the meaning we give to events. However, most of us don’t see things that way. We don’t feel as if we give meaning to events, we feel as if we discover meaning in events.

By using this particular pattern, the Model of The World Pattern, we invite the listener to question their interpretation of certain events.

Simply by labeling their belief, which they likely assume is absolute set in stone truth, as merely a “model of the world,” it gives them some mental wiggle room to come up with some different interpretations of the same events.

Some ways to help them along these lines is to give some examples of others who see the same events, but don’t draw the same conclusions. Another way is to carefully find out how long they’ve held that particular model. Yet another way is to ask who they learned that particular model from. Speaking in these terms, it makes their belief or objection seem much more pliable and easy to shift around until they find something more resourceful.

Other ways are to use words like “seem, appear, feels like, etc.” to give the belief or objection a subjective frame, rather than a frame of absolute truth.

Some examples.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

That’s an interesting way of looking at things. I’m sure it seems like that right now. Do other people believe the same thing? Do most people that don’t have good jobs that have college degrees believe that? How about people that have good jobs, but don’t have a college degree, what about them? What do you suppose they believe?

I’ll never fall in love because I’m too fat.

You feel like you won’t ever meet somebody if you are overweight? Have you always believed that? Can you remember a time when you didn’t believe that? Do you remember who you learned that from? There are plenty people that are overweight, and happily married. What do you think they feel about finding a partner while being overweight?

My friend is angry at me because she didn’t return my phone call.

Yea, it sucks when somebody doesn’t call you right back. Has that always meant that she was angry with you? Can you remember a time when you knew she wasn’t angry and she still didn’t call you back? What about others? Do other people’s friends not calling them back mean they are angry with them, or could it mean something else? What if you called somebody you didn’t know, and they didn’t call you back, would that mean they were angry with you?

Learning these patterns is difficult. I’ll never be able to use these conversationally.

I met this guy who happens to be a sales rep other night at my Toastmasters club. He said he learned these patterns several years ago, and he’s been easily making six figures ever since. He said this was the best time investment he’d ever made, even more so that his formal college degree. I wonder if he thinks these patterns are difficult and too complicated to use conversationally.

An easy way to practice this pattern is to simply look at things, and practice giving them different meanings. Or find something you think is absolutely true (like ‘math is hard,’ or ‘it’s tough to make money in a down economy’), and find three or four different people (as different from you as possible) and try and guess what they believe regarding this.

Another way is to practice is on Internet forums, where the topics of discussion are easily flammable, like politics, religion, etc. Find some beliefs that people state relatively clearly, and practice using this pattern, either on paper, or actually posting to that particular forum.

Practicing this pattern on your own beliefs will give you an incredible amount of mental flexibility that can serve you very well throughout your entire life, so take some time to get familiar with this.

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When you use Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns, you suddenly have the capability to conversationally reframe arguments, objections, and even beliefs that have been held since childhood. Their power and effectiveness is only limited by your willingness to learn and use them.

Today’s pattern is along the same logical lines as the previous two, but takes things to an extreme. They can easily put something into perspective, removing the sting from any belief or objection.

This pattern is called “Eternity Framing.” You simply take the objection or obstacle, and conversationally move your listener out in time to the end of their life. From this vantage point the argument seems almost silly, and can easily be dealt with back here in the present.

This can work on a personal level as well. Whenever you find yourself facing a seemingly insurmountable problem, simply imagine you are on your death bed looking over your life. Compared to all the things you’ve accomplished, and all the things you will accomplish that you are remembering in your hallucination, the present problems won’t seem so bad.

So basically, you take the person’s objection, accept it at face value, and then casually move them out into the distant future, and have another look at the objection. You can either look back from the future, and make the objection seem small in comparison to everything else, or you can show them what a horrible life they have ahead of them if they persist in hanging on to it.

Let’s take a look at some examples.

When you watch football it means you don’t love me.

Well, maybe you feel that way now, but when we’re in our nineties, and remembering all the wonderful times we’ve had together, and all the ups and downs, I really don’t think football will seem like much of a problem.

I can’t buy this because it’s too expensive.

Yes, I agree. It sure seems that way now. But if you could imagine looking back on this decision in twenty or thirty years, and your in position to really see all the value you’ve received from this product, I think you can safely feel glad to have bought this today.

I’ll never get a good job without a college degree.

Well, when you’re retired, and living off a meager pension of a day laborer, I hope you don’t mind looking back over your life, just above the poverty line, and only being able to afford to buy something nice once in a while, while some of your neighbors, who are also living the good life, will have been comfortably retired for many years.

I just can’t exercise, it’s too difficult.

When you’re laying on your death bed, I hope you don’t mind having given up an extra twenty or so years of life because you decided to take it easy.

Learning these patterns are too difficult. Besides, I could never use these in a real conversation.

Yea, they are difficult. When you look back on reading this blog post when you are in your eighties, I guess you won’t mind having given up the opportunity of a lifetime, one that could have easily earned you extra hundreds of thousands, or perhaps even millions of dollars, over the course of your life. I guess you really like your comfort zone.

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When sufficient skills in Sleight of Mouth Language patterns, you can easily obliterate objections and limiting beliefs without even losing a step in your conversation. Unlike other objection dismantling procedures, these don’t steamroll your listener, using strong arm tactics. Rather, they covertly invite your listener to consider other points of view.

When they do change their mind, and come to the obvious conclusion that their previous belief or objection doesn’t really make much sense, no one will be the wiser.

Today’s pattern is called “Outcome of Outcome Framing.” It’s a step further than the previous pattern, “First Outcome Framing,” as it goes further out into the future.

Kind of like when George Bailey, in the Christmas favorite, “It’s A Wonderful Life,” was invited into a world where he didn’t exist, and decided that jumping off that bridge wasn’t such a good idea after all. He saw how worse off people were for him not having involved himself in their lives.

Similarly, you can conversationally paint a future for your listener, taking their belief as a starting point, and extrapolating out five or ten years into the future.

Sometimes we are comfortable with our beliefs in the present, even if at some level we realize they are limiting, but when we see how our lives will be five or ten years, often enough that is enough to shock us out of our complacency.

The basic structure of this pattern is to simply accept their belief or objection at face value, and then wonder, out loud, where that will lead them in a few years. It can also help if the future you extrapolate to will give them the exact opposite of what they think the belief or objection is doing for them in the present.

Let’s take a look at some examples.

I can’t help eating ice cream when I’m stressed. (X causes Y, Stress causes me to eat ice cream)

Yea, that’s one way to deal with stress. I suppose if you keep it up, eating ice cream like that every other night, you’re going to be a lot heavier in five years. Imagine how stressful that will be, what with all your extra blood pressure and cholesterol that you’ll be carrying around with you along with all that stress.

I can’t talk to girls/boys because I don’t know what to say.

Yea, I totally understand. I think so too sometimes. It’s gonna be embarrassing, ten years from now if somebody sets you up on a blind date, and they ask you when was the last time you dated somebody. They’ll probably think you a bit strange if you say you haven’t been on a date in ten years.

My friend didn’t return my phone call. That means she’s angry with me. (X means Y).

So you aren’t going to call her back? You’re call, man. But just think what it will be like if everybody who doesn’t call you back right away is your enemy all of a sudden. It’s gonna be a lonely world.

I can’t buy your product, it’s too expensive.

Yea, lots of people say that. I wonder about the people that didn’t decide to buy this product if they even realize how much continues value that this product provides for several years, that they’re missing out on, after only making one payment in the beginning.

or

Yea, that’s true. Some of my customers who bought this a few years ago, and are locked into all the free upgrades for life, are really happy they made the decision, before the price went up, just like it does every year.

(Note that in sales situations, it tough to build enough rapport to use this pattern directly, so telling stories about other people along the same lines is often times a good approach.)

Learning these patterns is too hard and complicated.

Yea, most people feel that way. That’s why I’m glad I decided to bite the bullet a couple years ago and really dig into them. Looking back, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I feel sorry for people who’ve known about these patterns for years, but never took the time to learn them. Their lives could be so much better now.

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With Sleight of Mouth Language patterns you can easily overcome objections and dismantle limiting beliefs with a few carefully crafted phrases.

Today’s pattern is called “First Outcome Framing,” and invites your listener or conversation partner to think of the results, or eventual outcome, of their particular belief or objection.

Just speaking about it in these terms is sometimes enough to shake it loose. When people express a belief or an objection, they are usually “set in stone,” at least in their mind.

But when we speak in terms of consequences, it somehow allows them to think of their belief or objection that they have a measure of control over.

The structure is fairly simple. You accept their belief at face value, and merely extrapolate out into the future, and get a less than desirable outcome of this particular belief. One that they would likely not want to experience.

This causes them to do a quick, mental double take on their original belief, oftentimes rethinking it. This works great when you follow it up with a couple of other patterns. You can either do this right away, or depending on the conversation and the relationship with the person, you can steer the conversation somewhere else, and then occasionally come back to the belief or objection, and throw another pattern at them.

They’ll have no idea why their objection or limiting belief went up in smoke. They’ll likely feel like they had some kind of divine inspiration or remembered something incredibly important that they didn’t know before.

To make this pattern, just take the belief, and casually wonder out loud what it will lead to, and let them come to their own conclusions. Just make sure that when you are wondering out loud, that the outcome it leads to isn’t all that great. You don’t want to support any objections or limiting beliefs.

A couple examples.

I can’t get a date because I’m no good at talking to boys/girls.

Wow, that’s pretty tough. I suppose just thinking that will keep you from going and talking to somebody that is really cool, and maybe starting a good friendship. I would kind of suck if somebody was waiting for you to go and talk to them, but you decided not to because you think you’re no good at talking to people.

My friend didn’t respond when I said “hi,” so she must be mad at me.

Wow. That’s pretty rough.So how do you treat people that are made at you? I usually get mad right back at them. So are you going to yell at your friend the next time you see her? That wouldn’t be very nice if she just had lots of things on her mind.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Maybe. But I’m sure that you won’t apply to many place if you believe that. And I’m pretty sure you can’t get a good job if you don’t apply anywhere. So I guess you’re right on track. That cool with you?

I can’t learn all these patterns, they’re too many, and they are too difficult.

Wow, that sounds pretty bad. Whenever I think something is too hard, I usually quit to. Do you know how many people are using these patterns to make tons of money in sales? I guess you don’t want that, right?

(end examples)

These particular patterns can sound a bit harsh if said without any judgment whatsoever. It’s important to remember that when you use these, you aren’t looking for an ego boost, or the person to say something like:

“Wow! I never thought of that! You’re so smart! Thanks for convincing me!’

Rather, you are simply throwing some ideas out there, and making it sound as if you are wondering about them yourself. Then leave it up to the listener to come to their own conclusion. (Which happens to be the exact conclusion you want them to.)

So long as you have no problems with your listener keeping their belief or objection, and you are throwing these out in a “Hey, cool if it works for you…” frame, then you should be OK.

Just make sure when they do decide to buy into your idea, you stick around to reap the benefits.

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Sleight of Mouth Language patterns are extremely useful to easily and quickly defuse limiting beliefs, and overcome objections. When most people come up against an objection, like “I can’t buy that, it’s too expensive,” or “That’s too difficult, I can’t do it,” they stammer, repeat themselves, and somehow hope that saying the same thing over and over again will somehow be persuasive.

With the Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns, you will have 24 different structures to easily dismantle any belief or objection you come across. The are extremely versatile, and can be used in any conversational, therapeutic, or sales situation.

Today’s pattern is very similar to the previous one, “Prior Positive Intention Framing,” only with this one you reframe the prior cause, rather than the intention.

It’s a bit more difficult than reframing an intention, as it’s fairly easy to assume that everybody is working off good intentions, despite the occasional negative behavior that these good intentions can turn into.

Uncovering a prior cause, and reframing it in a positive light is a bit tougher, although it basically works the same way. It gives your listener a much more resourceful perspective, allowing them a little bit more mental wiggle room to overcome their seemingly set-in-stone belief or objection.

Generally speaking, it’s best to put the event, or cause “out there,” in the world, so it’s not personal. Then you can describe their belief as something that was a result of something that was, in some part, not completely in their control. This can help them find more resourceful ways to think about their objection.

This one can sometimes border to accepting excuses, or sometimes even making them for others, as you shall see. However, when you word them carefully, your listeners can accept their prior actions in light of events with a more resourceful outlook.

For example, somebody says, “I can’t get a date, because I’m too fat.”

To put this in “X causes Y,” we get, “Being too fat causes not being able to get a date.”

Now the trick is to think of something that happened, external to them, that they may have framed in some way that wasn’t very useful, which lead to this belief. Then we can reframe that event, use that new “meaning” of the same event to lead to a different belief.

So maybe they were rejected before, by somebody, and they assumed it was because of their weight.

You could easily pull, “being fat means I can’t get a date” from that event, but you could also pull:

• Some people you click with, and some people you don’t.
• Some people aren’t emotionally available for a relationship.
• You have to talk to a lot of people before you find “The One.”

So now you can reframe that initial event, and spin it a slightly different way, so you get a different outcome:

Yea, it’s tough dating. And I know you’ve had experience getting rejected a lot. And that means you’ve talked to a lot of people. And I’m sure you know that some people you just click with, and some people you don’t. But since you are the kind of person who talks to people to find out if you click or not, you’re just the kind of person that is destined to find “The One” sooner or later. I wish we could all be as lucky as you.

How about a sales example?

“I can’t buy your product because it costs too much.”

Expensive product means I can’t buy it.

What would be something “out there” that happened to give them this belief?
Maybe they saw a product, it was out of their price range, and they didn’t buy it.

So from that experience, seeing an expensive product, and not buying it, could lead to the belief, “I can’t buy expensive products.”

But from that same event, seeing an expensive product, you could also get:

• Expensive products have more value.
• Expensive products have more features.
• Expensive products have longer lifetimes.
• Expensive products have better service contracts.

So you could take a previous experience of theirs (or assume one) and describe an expensive product in different terms.

It’s good that you think rationally when buying products. I’m sure you have certain value requirements in the products that you buy. I’m sure you have bought many product that have turned out to be good purchases. Let me give you some more information about this product along those lines that can help you make a better informed decision.

OK, one more.

I can’t learn all these language patterns because they are too complicated.

Prior cause = Previous experience with difficult material, that didn’t turn out so well.
Reframe = You are somebody that isn’t afraid to tackle difficult material, even though you aren’t certain it will turn out so well.

Yea, they can be difficult, and I can tell you’re somebody who has tried things like this before. Other people never try anything unless that are guaranteed an easy success. But since you tackle things and then make up your own mind, you are much more likely to see the absolute power and usefulness of these patterns. In fact, I can’t think of anybody that could master these patterns faster than you could.

A good way to mentally practice this is to simply reframe events, three or four ways, as you see them. Just watch people doing things, things that you would normally judge negatively, and think of different ways to frame that behavior in more positive light.

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Sleight of Mouth language patterns have been used in everything from therapy and sales, to seduction and getting elected (even to President). You can use them in any situation where you find yourself up against a verbal objection, or an expression of limitation based on some model of the world.

Today’s pattern is called “Positive Prior Intention Framing,” and is a bit of a doozy. It may seem a bit presumptuous, as you are assuming you know something about why a person is saying or believing something. But in this case, you are assuming a positive intention, and most people don’t get offended when somebody assumes something about them that’s positive.

The basic structure is like this. Somebody has got this objection, or limitation. That means in their mind, the way they are thinking about something, there is a problem preventing them from getting what they want. Maybe they think they can’t afford a product, or maybe they don’t think they can successfully convince their boss to give them a raise. In their mind, on that particular topic, there is something out of reach, and some big hairy (imaginary) monster keeping them from getting it. Not the best state to be in.

Then you come along, and listen to and understand their (imagined) predicament and come up with a positive reason they have constructed their own predicament. They can mentally step back from the situation, feel more resourceful (as most people will generally agree, at least in part, with the positive assumptions others express about them) and have a much higher likelihood of figuring out their limitation, or coming up with a way around their objection.

Underlying this particular reframes is one of the presuppositions of NLP, namely, that behind every behavior or belief lies a positive intention. People don’t eat too much because they want to get fat, it’s because the food gives them comfort, and seeking comfort is a positive intention. People don’t drop out of college because they want to limit their options, it’s because they fear failure, and avoiding pain is one of the oldest positive intentions of human nature.

To use this conversationally, you’ll need to think of some positive intention, or some possible positive intention behind their stated belief or objection.

• What are they really after?
• What are they protecting themselves from?
• How has this helped them in the past?
• How can this help them now?

Then you phrase in a positive, complimentary way, and carefully show them that they are much more resourceful than they think. Their mood will improve, their outlook will become brighter, and they will discover resources and ideas they hadn’t thought of before (either on their own or with your covert help), and may very well convince themselves of another way around their imagined obstacle or limitation.

Some examples.

Stated limitation:

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Possible positive intentions:

They want to maintain their safety. They don’t want to compete with others they consider “out of their league.” They want to stay with what’s familiar and known. They don’t want to get in over their head. They don’t want to try, and fail.

Possible conversational reframes:

So you want to get a job that’s stable, I can totally understand that. With today’s economy, focusing on maintaining a stable job is an extremely valuable trait to have. Many employers, in fact, are starting to shift their focus on from people with specific qualifications to those that can really focus and learn on the job, in order to create that stability both for the employee, and the employer. You might consider that when sending out your resumes.

Stated limitation:

I can’t find a romantic partner because I’m overweight.

Positive intentions:

Safety, security, emotional stability.

Reframe:

Sure, I can understand that. Nobody likes being rejected. It seems like more and more people these days are looking for somebody with exactly those characteristics. Somebody that is going to commit to something long term, rather than a short time fling.

Stated limitation:

I can’t learn all these language patterns, they are too difficult and time consuming.

Reframe:

Yea, I can relate. I hate studying all kinds of esoteric knowledge that has very little application. There’s only twenty four hours in the day, and you’ve simply got to decide what’s important and what isn’t. It’s good that you recognize that. Most people don’t. One of the reasons I like these patterns so much is that they make your communication so much more efficient, you don’t have to spend all day trying to convince somebody to do something. Just a few minutes is all you need.

(end examples)

A really good way to practice this pattern is to simply observe people you see. You don’t have to look very hard to see people that are engaged in behaviors and conversations that don’t appear to be very useful or healthy. Instead of judging, simply take a step back and imagine three or four different positive intentions behind their behavior.

Just doing this one exercise, even if you don’t bring it to the level of conversational reframes, has the interesting effect of making the world seem a lot less hostile.

And that can brighten your mood considerably.

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Sleight of Mouth patterns are incredibly useful linguistic tools to defeat any argument, overcome any limiting belief, or quickly smash any verbal objection that comes your way.

These patterns, when used together (there are 24 of them) will make you a linguistic ninja with a variety of tools to assassinate any argument that comes your way. (Nice metaphor, huh?)

Today’s pattern is called “Counter Example Framing”, and is pretty logical and straightforward. It is powerful enough to be used by itself, but when combined with one or two other patterns, you will virtually unstoppable.

In Counter Example Framing, you take the belief or the objection, and simply find examples where it doesn’t hold up. Frequently when people express beliefs or objections, they are framed in a “All or Nothing” structure, as if they are true for everybody all the time.

When you use a couple of counter examples, it can give them a bit of pause, as they start to realize that it’s really their map that is less than useful, and not reality itself.

Like the other patterns, be very careful when using this one, as you need to be careful of proving the other person “wrong.” Carefully suggest some other alternatives, and let your listener mull them over on their own, and come to their own conclusion (the exact conclusion you want them to come to).

Some examples

I can’t find a date because I’m too fat.

Being fat causes no date. (X causes Y)

So simply show some examples in your life, in their life, in other people’s lives where being overweight didn’t cause any problems.

That boy/girl in biology class likes you.
That big girl who works at the ice cream shop has three or four boyfriends/girlfriends.
So nobody who is over a certain weight can ever get a boyfriend/girlfriend?

I don’t have a college degree, so I can’t get a good job.

Yea, just like Bill Gates.
What about all the rich people that lived before they invented colleges, how did they get good jobs?
You had that awesome job in high school, and you didn’t have a college degree then.
Wait, doesn’t your boss not have a college degree?

Going on a diet and losing weight is hard. (X = Y)

Did you hear about that girl who lost 200 pound to win the love of her crush? She said it was the easiest thing she ever did.
People that exercise say that the endorphins created give them the most incredible feelings of pleasure you could ever experience.

Talking to girls is scary and terrifying. (X = Y)

I know this guy that can’t stop talking to girls. In fact, that’s the main reason he can’t keep a girlfriend for very long. He just loves talking to new people. Do you think it’s hard for him?

Your product is too expensive.

I know what you mean. I actually thought the same thing myself, and got a lot of grief from my wife when I first brought it home. But after we realized just how valuable it was, we were very happy that we decided to buy this.

Learning all these language patterns is difficult and tedious.

I read this book from this guy and he said when he realized how much more money he could make in his business with these patterns, he couldn’t wait to finish work so he could go home and practice. He said all he could think about was money and lots of time off from work as he studied these patterns. Now he’s the company president, and he only works about four months out of the year.

(end examples)

A couple of things may happen when you use these patterns. You might destroy their belief altogether, or you may uncover a deeper belief.

For example, the objection “I can’t meet people because I’m overweight” might not really be about being overweight. Being overweight is likely an excuse, and once you destroy the excuse with these patterns, you’ll uncover the real issue.

The other thing that may come up is you may encounter a belief about the world in general, but after reframing it with this particular pattern, the belief may shift to a belief about the person and his or her capabilities.

“Talking to girls is scary,” a global belief, or a belief about talking to girls in general, may shift to “I can’t talk to girls because I’m too scared.” Which is definitely a step in the right direction, because as long as somebody believes something is “out there” in the world, it can’t be changed.

Once you shift something to the personal level, it can easily be overcome with various other techniques. And often enough, when somebody else can do something, it’s a good enough model to work from to increase personal skill.

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Sleight of Mouth patterns have long been known to easily and covertly destroy any argument or limiting belief that you come up against.

First developed for therapy, they have since been used in sales and persuasion of all kinds. When you have a working knowledge of the Sleight of Mouth Language patterns, you will likely never lose an argument again, and never be at a loss when somebody throws up an objection.

Today’s pattern is called “Reflexively Applying To The Listener,” and is very similar in structure to the “Reflexively Apply To Self” pattern. The only difference is that instead of twisting the belief or objection around and throwing it back at the person saying it, you take the belief or objection and use it with your own examples.

As an added twist, you can apply the objection, or limiting belief to the particular conversation you are having, as your own limitation, so the person you are speaking with can see the objection or belief from another point of view.

Kind of like when somebody is wearing a goofy looking hat, only they don’t know it looks goofy until you take it and put it on yourself.

And like the previous pattern, you can either use this on the Internal State, or the External Behavior, whichever is more convenient.

Some examples.

I can’t succeed in business because I don’t have a college degree.

Well, I know a lot of people that are worth millions without college degrees, but since I don’t have one myself, I guess I’m not smart enough to explain to you how they got really rich.

So let me get this straight, If I come up with a brilliant idea for an invention, one that will easily make the manufacturer a billion dollars, they’ll still ask to see my college degree before they even take a look at the idea? I didn’t know that. I’d better give up on my plans then.

Wait, so the promotion I just got at work, despite not having a college degree, is fake? Why would they do something like that?

I can’t talk to girls because it’s too scary.

I’ve got this great method that will make it super easy to talk to girls, but I’m too scared to tell you.

Wait, talking to girls is scary? I’d better break up with my girlfriend then.

Hold on a second, I can’t do anything that scares me? That sucks. I guess I’d better cancel all my dates next week. I didn’t know that. Thanks for telling me. Wanna go hang out at the library or something?

Whenever I get stressed I eat too much junk food.

Hang on, dude, you’re stressing me out, I need a cheeseburger or I’m going to explode.

Really? I get stressed because I eat so much junk food. Does that mean I need to eat more on top of that? I’m gonna need some bigger pants.

Wait, you’re only supposed to eat junk food when you’re stressed? Damn. I’ve been doing it wrong. I usually hit the gym when I’m stressed. I’d better cancel my membership.

Learning all these language patterns is too hard.

You’re right. I’d better give back all those extra sales commissions I’ve been making.

You’re right. Let me call my boss and tell him that I really don’t want that promotion.

You’re right. I’d better call that model that’s way out of my league, and tell her that our date for next weekend is off. Wanna go hang out at the library or something? I hear they’ve a new fishing magazine.

I can’t buy your product, it’s too expensive.

Yea, it is pretty expensive. I don’t know what’s wrong with all those people that make less money than you that keep on buying it. Maybe they’re bad at math or something.

That’s true. I just hope the people that buy your products feel the same way, otherwise we’d both be out of business.

Yea, I agree, but please don’t tell anybody else. Otherwise I won’t be able to sell as many as I do to people just like you.

(end examples)

Because you are taking the belief on temporarily yourself, you are a lot less likely to offend the other person, so these are pretty good to use in any given situation. Just be careful you don’t go too far, otherwise they’ll think you are mocking them or something.

Just keep it light, and obviously humorous, and these should work pretty well. If you start off with this particular pattern, and then follow it up with one or two more, it should go a long way to completely disintegrating the belief of your listener.

Have fun!

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Sleight of Mouth language patterns are incredibly effective in overcoming objections, turning big issues into non issues, and covertly removing limiting beliefs in yourself or others.

Today’s pattern is called “Reflexively Apply to Self.” Since that definition is about as clear as mud, let’s take a closer look.

In this, the “Self” is the person saying or expressing the objection, belief, or argument that you’d like to easily demolish with your linguistic Jedi skills.

And the thing you apply, is their own stated belief. This creates a kind of infinite feedback loop,and sometimes is enough to break the pattern.

When I was a kid, my Dad bought this video camera. You could plug it into the TV, so you could see on TV what you were filming. If you pointed the camera at the TV, you saw an endless stream of smaller and smaller TVs going off into infinity. This is what this pattern will do to the mind of your listener.

So basically, the idea is to take whatever belief they say, and apply that same thinking right back at the belief itself.

For example, if the person says something like:

I don’t have a college degree, so I can never get a good job.

The belief is not having some kind of certificate or training, and that being a limitation of obtaining something deemed worthy and valuable (e.g. a job).

So to throw it back at the belief, you might say something like:

Did you need any special training or courses to come up with that belief? Or did you decide that without any professional assistance?

Or even more abstract:

Did that belief need a college degree to be true and shape the way you look at things, or did it just decide to do that without any “official” approval from some accredited belief creation review board?

Or if somebody says:

I can’t afford your product, it’s too expensive. (Expensive product means I can’t buy it.)

How expensive do you think it is to limit yourself to products based on a cursory review of their immediate benefits without taking a look at the long term value?

Was it affordable to buy that belief that seems to be controlling what you can or can’t do?

Or if somebody says:

I’ll never find true love, I’m just not an interesting person. (Me not being interesting means nobody will ever truly love me.)

Did that belief need to be interesting in order for it to convince you of it’s truth?

Do you truly love that belief enough to let it go, so you can share your uninterestingness with others?

That belief sure isn’t interesting, yet look how much you are attached to it!

Or if somebody says:

My parents were always poor, so I’ll be poor myself.

That belief doesn’t sound like it’s worth very much.

Is being poor very valuable to you?

Did that belief’s parents share similar outlooks as it, or were they completely different?

Keep in mind these particular reframes aren’t particularly logical, and sometimes don’t make a lot of sense. The way they work is by getting the listener to take something that perceived as solid, and written everlastingly in stone to pause and say, “Huh, wait, wha?”

This is often enough to show that their belief isn’t as rock solid as they thought it was. This can either be enough to let the belief or objection die a natural death, or to leave the door wide open for you to throw in some other patterns that can continue to weaken and eventually destroy this old belief or objection.

Usually, it’s best to just keep on talking while you get them in the “wait, huh?” state of mind. Otherwise they might circle their wagons around their belief and dig in for a protracted siege. This will have the opposite effect, as people’s beliefs are strengthened whenever they defend them.

Also, keep in mind to be very careful to not make your listener feel as though you are putting them on the spot, or using their own words or beliefs to insult them. There’s a fine line between coming from a point of curiosity, where you show your listeners beliefs to them in a new and interesting way, and taking them and throwing them back in their faces.

The first way works well, the second only works to make enemies, so be careful.

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If you’d like to develop irresistible skills of destroying any objection that comes your way or conversationally dismantling any limiting belief in yourself and others, keep reading.

This is a continuation in a series on the Sleight Of Mouth Patterns, which when used together can give you incredible skills of linguistic acrobatics, easily allowing you to carefully and respectfully dismantle any argument that is presented to you.

Today’s pattern is the Sequencing Strategy, and is very similar to the Chunking Down strategy. In with this strategy, you carefully walk with the other person through their map of the world to uncover exactly how they come across the belief, and what ingredients are put in, and in what order.

For example, if you were to ask somebody how to bake a cake, they’d give you a recipe, which is basically a sequential list of instructions together with a list of ingredients.

With this sleight of mouth strategy, you simply do the same thing with their belief. It’s important to keep in mind that with this particular strategy, all you’re doing is information gathering. The fun stuff like re-framing and out-framing and counter-framing comes later.

This is just to get a handle on the exact mental recipe they use to construct the belief. Needless to say, this requires a great deal of rapport. People are very defensive when it comes to their beliefs, even if they are beliefs that they admit that they’d like to change. It’s very difficult for most people to separate themselves from their beliefs. So when you attempt to dismantle their beliefs, it’s easy to take it very personally.

One way to do this is to become incredibly curious. Ask them how they know the belief is true, or how the belief comes up. For example, you can have a belief that “Dogs are dangerous,” but you don’t go around every day constantly thinking that dogs are dangerous. This particular belief only becomes operational when you run across a dog.

So get them to imagine a time when the belief was real. How did it feel? Where did they feel it? How did the feeling start? Was it sudden, or did it grow slowly? What external sensory information did they see or hear that triggered the belief?

For example, somebody might say that they can’t speak in public. Digging a little bit further through friendly conversation, you might uncover the following complex equivalents:

Speaking in Public is (=) Dangerous.

or

Public Speaking = Danger

So find out when do they feel that that belief is true? While watching people speak on TV? If something was dangerous then it may be scary to watch. Maybe it begins when they imagine themselves speaking. Then they may bring up a memory they had in third grade when they forgot a school speech and everybody laughed. Then they might remember losing a debate in college on the debate club.

These memories might create a tight sensation in their stomach, which may remind them of all the other times they were nervous and afraid. All this added together makes up a recipe for:

Public Speaking = Danger

Try to get them to describe it so that you can experience the same thing. Go through it with them, do whatever they do, and imagine and feel whatever they imagine and feel. If they recall a miserable time during show and tell in first grade, come up with your memory that is the closest match.

You’ll find that often times, this is enough to at least loosen the belief up so it doesn’t have as much power. Most people, when stating beliefs, think of them in terms of “out there.” When you get them to go through how the belief exerts its power, step by step, they sometimes get the idea (on their own of course) that they themselves are creating the belief.

When that happens, your work is done.

However, there are plenty more patterns you can use to completely obliterate any belief for good.

Stay tuned.

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You’re about to learn a set of skills that can instantaneously and obliterate any argument that comes your way, any objection that gets thrown up during a conversation, and any verbal obstacle you find in your path.

These verbal skills are so powerful that you will never lose an argument again, and if you happen to be in sales, you can easily double your closing percentages. They are a small subsection of NLP Language skills, skills that have been developed over the past several years for therapy, sales, and persuasion.

Namely, these are the Sleight Of Mouth NLP Language Patterns. When combined with Linguistic Presuppositions, and the Milton Model, they will give you irresistible powers of persuasion in any situation.

The basic premise behind the power of these skills is that any argument is in the from of either a “Complex Equivalent,” or a “Cause Effect” statement. If you haven’t watched the learning modules on the Milton Model, it would be a good idea to do so before you dive into these.

If you’re chomping at the bit to get to some powerfully persuasive language patterns that can easily destroy any argument, here’s a brief summary.

A complex equivalent is any statement that can be expressed as “X means Y,” or “X is Y.” Think of them as a linguistic equation, with one idea on one side of the equation, another idea on the other side, with the “is,” “means,” “implies,” etc. as the equals sign.

Anytime somebody expresses a limitation in that format, it is ripe for verbal destruction. If you are in sales, that means more money. If you are in a relationship, that means closer and more intimate communication, as you will drastically reduce the self imposed limitations in your partner. (And yourself,for that matter.)

A cause/effect statement is anything stated in the from “X causes Y,” or “X leads to Y,” or “X makes Y happen,” or any variation.

Being able to understand these in everyday speech is critical, and not as easy as it sounds. Most people will only express one half the equation, and you’ve go to be able to extract the other half from the context of the conversation.

You’ve also got to be very careful how you deliver these, as most people will become very defensive of their beliefs, and that’s what you’ll be destroying in many cases. When somebody feels their beliefs are under attack, they can take very personally. If you’re not careful, you can ruin any rapport you’ve developed and quickly find the opposite of your outcome coming true.

There are a total of 22 patterns, and in each subsequent post you’ll learn a new one. Take your time, and soak these up one by one. Once you start to learn these patterns, you ears will hear a whole new level of verbal communication, and you will begin to feel incredibly powerful with your language.

Most people, when they speak, simply blurt out a bunch of words, and hope they make sense. By combining presuppositions, the Milton Model, and now these virtually indestructible sleight of mouth patterns, you will be a force to be reckoned with. A Jedi Knight of Communication.

You’ll be amazed how horrible politicians are at getting their point across once you learn just a few of these patterns. While politicians have been known to use a few sleight of mouth patterns (whether they know it or not) they usually only use one or two familiar ones, and they quickly become ineffective, since they use them over and over again.

Your first assignment, should you choose to accept it, is tune your ears to pick up both complex equivalent statements, and cause/effect statements. TV programs, casual conversations with your friends, YouTube videos, or even politician speeches and TV news discussion shows.

Once you get the hang of picking them, up, take your time going through the following posts so you can learn how to dismantle any limiting belief or objection that comes your way.

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The power to persuade has long been a sought after skill. One thing that many erroneously believe is that we instinctively know how to persuade, since we experience being persuaded on a daily basis.

The bad news is that since we are persuaded on an automatic and unconscious level, we don’t have any conscious idea of how it happens.

The good news is that there are scientifically proven techniques and methods to powerfully enhance your ability to not only persuade others, but to resist persuasion yourself.

One powerful law of persuasion is Authority.

Simply stated, any message coming from a person or group in authority carries much more weight than another source.

Authority carries a lot of weight in our minds, as it takes away the responsibility and burden to independently evaluate all the information and come up with our own conclusion. It is a very useful shortcut for our brain.

If our hunter/gatherer ancestors had to stop and have a lengthy meeting every hour when they were out chasing a woolly mammoth, our species wouldn’t have lasted very long. It is deep in our evolutionary history to crave a leader whenever a group assembles.

Social experiments have shown this again and again.

Every social group has an “alpha” or leader. Even in studies with high school students has shown this. Researchers separated the students by social status, and placed them in different cabins. Even in the group that was taken from the those least likely to become leaders, a leader emerged. It would appear that every one of us has the capability for leadership should the need arise.

So it makes sense that when there is a clear leader, or somebody with obvious authority status, we shut down our conscious thinking, and obediently follow.

In a shocking experiment done at a hospital, this was proven to be unsettling true. A “Doctor” would call a nurse, and introduce him self as Dr. So and So. The nurse had never heard of him, but she took him at his word that he was a doctor and therefore an authority figure. The nurses were directed by these “Doctors” (who were actually researchers) to give drugs to patients that would be potentially dangerous. Most of the nurses complied.

Of course, there were other researchers standing by to make sure the nurse never got far, and to explain that it was a social experiment approved by hospital administration. Patients were never in danger.

The nurses, however, were horrified that somebody claiming to be a doctor could so easily persuade them to give potentially life threatening medication to patients.

In what is likely the most horrifying experiment in recent years was done in the fifties.

A “Doctor,” wearing a white lab coat would take recruits, or test subjects, and ask them to participate in a new study that was investigating the effects of punishment and learning.

The subjects would give an electric shock to another participant whenever they got the answer wrong to a math problem.

The real study was to see how much of a “shock” (they were not real, the “subject” was faking it) they would give to the subject, before they quit.

What they found was so horrifying that psychologists agreed never to perform this experiment again. At least in the United States.

Many of the shocks given, if they were real, were enough to kill the subject. The subject, at one point, begged and pleaded for the experiment to end. The researcher merely told the participants to continue. Very few walked away. Most continued to deliver deadly shocks, even when the subject pretended to have heart trouble.

Fellow researchers were terribly dismayed that the normal, average person on the street could deliver deadly electric shocks merely at the word of an authority figure in a white suit.

This experiment was widely used as evidence that humans are one step away from brutal murder, and shed some light on how a whole nation of normal folks like you and me could be persuaded that killing Jews was perfectly normal.

While such extremes are thankfully rare, this particular law of persuasion is everywhere you look. It’s not uncommon for potential jurors to excuse themselves by saying something like “he’s in court so he must be guilty.” In this case it’s the authority of the situation that condemns the defendant before the trial begins.

Doctors, Lawyers, Police Officers, Teachers, all have a responsibility to wield their persuasive power with due diligence, as words spoken can have drastic consequences.

If you are a salesperson, quoting an authority figure can give your product a significant persuasive boost. It’s not uncommon for web sites selling things to have emblems from major networks, and certificates of authenticity to lend authority to their web sites.

If you are interested in defending against this, take a step back, put the message into the mouth of another, less authoritative person, and see how it sounds. As tough as it may be, the best defense against this law of persuasion is to simply think for yourself, and be prepared to go against the crowd that may follow a particular authority figure like sheep to a slaughter.

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You can dramatically increase your powers of persuasion with the simple application of some incredibly effective but not widely well known laws of persuasion and influence. These are not esoteric theories thought up by ivory tower professors, these are hard and fast rules proven time and time again by social experiments on the street.

The law of persuasion you’ll be learning today is Comparison and Contrast. This is a simple rule that has been applied to
salespeople, real estate agents, and government ministers of propaganda for incredibly massive results of compliance and dramatic increases in income.

This law affects how you view one item, or idea when compared to another. When viewed against something similar, the idea or thing in question is viewed much differently than when viewed alone. There’s the old joke (that pre-dates email circulated jokes) about the kid who wrote a letter home from school. He’d gotten a girl pregnant, wrecked his car, accidentally set fire to his dormitory, and accidentally killed the school mascot. He ended the letter by saying, “just kidding, but I really did fail maths.” The idea being that failing maths was much less horrible when compared to all those other things.

This has been proven in studies with university students. They held their hands in a bucket of water, and then guessed the temperature. They took data from several students, got an average, and then repeated the experiment. Only this time they had them hold their other hand in a bucket of cold water. Again they took several data points from several students. Next they repeated the experiment, only the other hand was now placed in a bucket of warm, almost hot water (they didn’t want them to hurt themselves.)

The results were as you would expect, in light of the compare and contrast law of influence. With their other hands in hot water, they underestimated the temperature in the test bucket. With their other hand in cold water, they overestimated the temperature in the test bucket.

More proof.

A restaurant served several bottles of wine. The most expensive bottle was $80. They sold very few. Then a marketing expert suggested they add another bottle at significantly higher price. Over $200. That’s all they did. They didn’t increase advertising, the wait staff didn’t suggest buying wine any more than they did before. The mere presence of a much higher priced bottle of wine made the 80 dollar bottle seem like a bargain in comparison. Sales went through the roof.

Countless retailers have noticed this phenomenon. They have an old product, that sells at a certain rate. They introduce a new product, which is new and improved, and costs more. They naturally expect people to buy the new product, which a few do. But they old product suddenly jumps in sales.

Why?

Two reasons. One is that it looks a lot cheaper now, that there is a more expensive product sitting next to it. Secondly, the law of scarcity is now in play, as a new product presupposes that the old product is being phased out, and won’t be around much longer.

Combining any two of these laws together can give you an incredible persuasive edge.

Real estate agents have been known to use this law in a way that borders on the unethical. The real estate company maintains a house that is in not such good shape, and in not such a good part of town. The new clients come in, and ask to see houses within certain budget.

Guess which house they see first?

The broken down house in a not so good neighborhood. And it happens to be right at their price range. Of course, the next house they see is only a little higher than what they wanted to pay, but it’s so much nicer! It’s a bargain!

Just like any particular art of persuasion and method of influencing people, there are ethical ways, and unethical ways to apply them.

If you happen to be selling things, then it may be a good idea to keep around a much more expensive product, or display one on your web site in order to boost sales of the more inexpensive one.

If you are persuading someone of an idea, give them two choices. The one you’d really like them to choose, or one that sounds absolutely horrible, expensive, painful, and complicated.

If you are on the receiving end of a persuasion, this one can be hard to dodge, as it usually comes in unexpected. The best defense would be to take as much time to weigh the pros and cons of your decision, to give your conscious mind a fighting chance against these ancient human hot buttons. In the case of the wine, it may be a good idea to decide how much you want to drink wine, and how much you’re willing to pay before you take a gander at the wine list.

If you’ve been reading this articles, then you might be starting to see these laws in effect everywhere you look, which they are. Once you get a handle on all seven of them, you’ll open up a hold new world of persuasion, both on the persuading side, and on the defensive side.

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There are few things that work more to create a unconscious desire to buy or acquire something that scarcity. Even though
scarcity is the oldest trick in the book when it comes to sales, it still works. Any time something is in limited supply, or the time is
scarce, in the form of an impending end to a sale, buying desire can quickly reach feverish pitches.

Why is this? Is this some ancient form of mind control or conversational hypnosis? Is this massive brainwashing on a collective
scale? Some believe that we are trained by governments and industry to become attached to things that we can’t have, so that
we’ll continually be in a buying state of mind.

It’s actually the other way around. For hundreds of thousands of years, Mother Nature, or God, has been programming humans
through evolution to react strongly whenever scarcity rears its head.

Imagine this situation. You have a group of a hundred or so primitive humans. They are largely nomadic, and agriculture is a
thing in the distant future. They have to hunt for every meal. When somebody comes back with a particularly large catch, say a
giraffe, its time to eat, as they don’t know how long it will be until they catch another giraffe.

Now imagine two different genetic makeups. One is a person who takes his time eating, doesn’t push to the front of the line, and
passively waits his turn. The other is a person that when valuable resources show up, he steps on toes, pushes others out of the
way, and gets what he wants.

Which one of these pair do you think will be more likely to pass on his genes? Remember, to mind of a primitive human, an
attractive member of the opposite sex is also a resource. Men fight between each other for the best women, and women fight
between each other for the best men.

So here we are hundreds of thousands of years later. We’ve build cathedrals, sent men to the moon, and create beautiful works of
art that have lasted millennia. Yet deep within us all is that drive to “get it before somebody else does.”

There are plenty of ways that savvy markets use this aspect of the human condition. There are plenty of ways to imply scarcity
about any given situation. Time running out is a scarcity of time. If you receive special information, that is not given to the
general public, that information is trusted much more, as it triggers the scarcity response.

Even waiters, when they use the law of reciprocity when they casually mention to a customer that the fresh fish isn’t all that
fresh, can greatly leverage the effect simply by prefacing their statement with, “I don’t tell this to everybody…” This powerfully
combines the power of scarcity (scarce information) with the power of reciprocity (free, useful information).

When something is on sale, and there are only a few of them left, there is a powerful combination of scarcity and social proof.
Scarcity because the item is limited, and social proof because everybody else wants it. Is it any wonder that every year on Black
Friday (the Friday after Thanksgiving when all the sales start in the U.S.) there are many injuries, and sometimes even deaths due
to stampeding crowds after a discounted X Box?

It is all to easy to succumb to these ancient evolutionary hot buttons. One way to defend against the law of scarcity is to ask
yourself a few questions:

Did I plan to purchase this, or is this an impulse buy?
Could I get a better one someplace else?
Would I be better of waiting for the next model? (As many people should have asked with the recent iPhones).
Would I be so incredibly determined to buy this if there were an unlimited supply and nobody else wanted one?

Sure, it’s tough to think rationally when evolutionary programming kicks it, but if you want to avoid mindlessly following the
crowd, your rational mind is all you’ve got.

If you in sales, you should be applying scarcity every chance you get. Scarcity of time. Scarcity of product. Scarcity of
information. All of these will increase buying temperature of your potential clients, and can make you a lot more money.

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There is a proven law in the world of persuasion that is so effective, it allowed a cultish religious group to go from barely scraping by to raking in millions of dollars a year in donations. So much so that this particular organization was later busted for tax evasion.

This simple law has also been shown by waiters and waitresses in the know to drastically increase the amount of their tips, merely adding a few extra words during the time in which they take their customers order.

Even cultures are based around this law. Ridley, in his book “The Origins of Virtue,” described this as “gift giving as a weapon.”

What is this powerful tool? This irresistible law of influence that it has been used, even by you?

Reciprocity.

The aforementioned religious group was the Hare Krishnas. Before they discovered this law, they would simply ask people for donations in the airports. Most people wouldn’t give them the time of day.

But then they switched their tactics. They gave a small flower to their “mark,” and then asked them for a small donation. It’s important to understand they way they gave it to them.

Giving a flower, and asking for a donation sounds similar to a “you scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours kind of arrangement,” but the way the exchange happened, it was anything but.

The flower was first given, as a gift. No strings, no expressions of future expectation. Simply, “Here, this flower is for you.” Then they would ask if they could possible get a small donation.

They made no statement about the flower, or even motioned towards the flower. The two incidents, the giving of the flower, and the asking for the donation, were treated completely separately.

Once they Krishnas started handing out flowers, they money started coming in.

In a famous experiment described in Cialdini’s “Influence, Science and Practice,” this was shown experimentally several times.

It was set up with two people, A and B. Then a third person came in, C. B and C were in a room, looking at pictures, and writing down their impressions. C thought that A was doing an experiment, and B and C were participating in the experiment.

However, C was the only test subject, with A and B in on the game.

Half the time, B would disappear momentarily. He came back with two cokes, and gave one to C.

But all of the time, B would ask C if he would buy some raffle tickets for his kids baseball club (or some other club.)

The times that B gave C a coke a few minutes before asking, C bought a raffle ticket over 70% of the time.

The times that B didn’t give C a coke, he bought one less than 30% of the time.

A great way to use this law of influence if you are a waiter or waitress, is to give your customers some “inside information.” The apple pie isn’t so fresh, or the fish is actually frozen. They’ll appreciate the advice, and when it comes time to tip, they’ll be more generous. Reciprocity in action.

One thing to keep in mind, is that the feeling of reciprocity does have a shelf life. It generally dies very quickly, so if you are going to apply this law, keep in mind a couple things.

Don’t ask for the favor too soon after you did something nice. Then it will appear to obvious and underhanded. But if you wait too long, the effect will die out.

If you are on the receiving end, there’s not much you can do. Simply refusing a request, after you’ve accepted a gift is a hard thing to do. The best bet is to simply beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

Studies have shown that the more personalized, and unique a gift or favor is, the more effect it will have.

Buying a beautiful woman a drink at a bar may be a step in the right direction, but it won’t likely have any strong effect of reciprocity. Unless of course you do it in a personal and unique way. I suppose you could spy on her and watch what she’s drinking, and eavesdrop so you can learn her name, and then show up, call her by name, and give her her favorite drink, but that would probably be too creepy.

This works best in established relationships. If you get to know a person, and really get to know their likes and dislikes, then giving a personalized, unique gift can have tremendous effects.

The best salespeople are the ones that develop genuine relationships with their clients, and really pay attention to what they have to say.

Getting an automated email on your birthday is one thing, but sending a hand written note on a card, that speaks to who you really are will put you ahead of the pack.

This is one automatic hot button that you should be aware of in today’s world where we are seemingly surrounded by marketers. Pay attention to the giver, not the gift. What do they want? Do you know they well? Would you feel comfortable granting them a favor in the future?

As the saying goes, nothing is more expensive than a free gift.

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We humans fancy ourselves as highly evolved animals that have rational minds, advanced language, arts, society, culture and a host of other advanced technologies. We don’t like to think of ourselves as irrational creatures that are at the mercy of ancient evolutionary hot buttons.

The truth about us, however, is that we are far more susceptible to seemingly innocuous external factors than we’d care to admit.

There have been seven demonstrated elements, or influence hot buttons, that we, unfortunately, have a hard time resisting. When they are effectively combined, either by design or by accident, they can cause us to buy useless gadgets like pet rocks, or go bezerk and follow a dictator and stand by while millions of innocents are put to death.

It also caused our ancestors to live long enough to reproduce, and pass on their genes that made them susceptible to this kind of influence to us.

This can be good news if you are a salesperson, or in need of some skills of influence. It helps to know what these are so you can both use them to persuade others, and to defend against them when you find yourself doing or buying something that you wouldn’t normally do.

This article will be a brief overview of these six elements, and each one in particular will receive further examination in a further post.

All six of these are described by Dr. Robert Cialdini, PhD, in his book “Influence, Science and Practice.” It is a must read no matter your profession or position in life.

These are not theories, based on some esoteric branch of psychology. These are laws of influence that have been ascertained by careful, scientifically designed social experimentation.

These Laws of Influence are as follows:

Reciprocity

When somebody does something for you, you will feel an unconscious desire to repay the favor. This can be exploited when somebody gives you something that you don’t really want, or need, and then later asks you for a favor. When this happens, it is almost impossible to reject the request.

Authority

The more authority somebody has, the more persuasive their message will be. If some homeless guy on the street tells you to buy gold, you’ll likely ignore him. However, if Warren Buffet buys a 15 second TV commercial, and tells you to buy gold, there will be a lot of people buying gold. Same message, different source.

Social Proof

Safety in numbers. When in doubt, look to the crowd for guidance. Humans are highly social animals, and depend largely on the group in order to make our decisions. Much more than we’d like to admit. If you see one guy standing on the corner staring up at the sky, you’ll look at the guy and wonder what’s wrong with him. If you see ten guys standing there looking up in the sky, you’ll stare up into the sky.

Scarcity

The scarcer something is, the more valuable it is. If you go to the DVD store, and there are fifty copies of the latest movie, it may seem interesting, it may not. But if all fifty copies save one have been rented out, you’ll be much more inclined to rent the one that’s left before you miss your chance.

Comparison and Contrast

Our judgments on the value or other attribute of something is largely influenced if it is compared to something similar. That fifty-dollar bottle of wine may seem too expensive, but not when the only other bottle of wine on the menu is $350.

Commitment and Consistency

We are much more likely to follow through with an action, or hold to an opinion, when we make a public statement to that effect. Jury trials where each juror actually verbally states his or her vote last much longer than jury trials that use the secret ballot system. Once people make a public statement of opinion, they are generally resistant to change it.

Liking

We are much more prone to believe an idea or suggestion when it comes from somebody we identify with, or like on a personal level. Waiters who discreetly tell the customers which menu items are overpriced receive much higher tips. The customers feel they are getting special, personal treatment.

Stay tuned for an in depth look at each influence factor. You’ll learn how to use them in sales and persuasion, and defend against them in life.

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The Milton Model set of language patterns and communication strategies is a wonderful set of tools that you can use in virtually any situation where normal conversation is appropriate.

Today’s pattern, “Utilization,” is particularly powerful for many reasons. The basic structure of the utilization pattern, or strategy, is to take whatever information you can get from your listeners or readers, and simply agree with it, validate it, and use it in your conversation in such a way that it supports your idea or suggested course of action.

One of the reasons it’s so powerful it is completely opposite of what traditional persuasion and sales teaches. Old school persuasion and rhetoric teaches to build a strong case on logic, and hammer your listener with so many facts and figures that they have no choice but to agree with you.

Or worse yet is the “hard sell,” where you hammer your poor client with so much enthusiasm and veiled threats and insults (are you smart enough to buy this product? Are you rich enough to buy this product? Do you have the courage to buy this product?) that leave you with an “icky” feeling even if you do buy the product.

When you use utilization, you take whatever your listener or potential client is doing or saying, and agree with it completely, and let them know you totally understand and respect where they’re coming from, and then fold their statements or actions into your “story” and use it to support your case.

A couple of examples.

You are talking to somebody at a party for the first time, and they are showing all the classic signs of disinterest (turning their body away from you, giving you short answers to your questions, making brief but fleeing eye contact with you).

Most people would get discouraged, but since you are learning the secrets of conversational hypnosis and covert persuasion, you may say something like this:

Yea, I know. You’re not that interested in talking to me. That is totally cool. I hate it when you’re at parties and some goof comes up and starts talking to you, and you’re just have to be polite until they leave. It’s like some people just can’t take a hint. (You can point at yourself when you say this.) They just can’t tell that you’re not really interested. It’s like when my sister met her husband. He just kept talking to her, and wouldn’t leave her alone. At first she didn’t really acknowledge him standing there, and finally she figured if she talked to him a little bit he’d go away (you can point to yourself again at this point.) But then when they started talking, she started getting more and more interested in this guy (point to yourself again here), and they started dating, and that was pretty much that. This was about ten years ago, and now they have three kids. Which I have to baby-sit. Little savages. Do you like kids?

(end example)

Or if you are giving a sales presentation, and you can tell you client is not quite ready to by. You ask what they think of you’re product, and they say it’s too expensive, (which usually means they can’t appreciate the value).

Yea, I agree this product is really expensive. It’s definitely more expensive than our competitor’s product. I’ve heard lots of people tell me that, and to tell you the truth, if I were in there shoes, I don’t know if I’d buy this product either, if I only knew what I’d told you so far. But some of our other clients, when they find out about some more benefits that you really don’t notice until you imagine using this product for a year or so, and then they start to really see how this product can really help you. And most of them when they combine that information with all of our extremely flexible payment plans slowly realize that this is valuable far beyond what price you’ll pay for it. And several of our customers from years ago who initially thought it was too expensive are some of our biggest fans now, and consistently give us referrals.

(end example)

You can also use this pattern, or strategy in sales copy. You’ll need to figure out what some common objections there are for your particular product or industry, and then pace them, agree with them, and then turn them around so that they support the idea of purchasing your product.

This can be particularly powerful, and significantly increase your sales, if you place these “utilizations” within your sales copy right about where the objections start to crop up.

One way to do this is through customer testimonies. Simply do a poll of satisfied customers, and ask for specific feedback regarding certain objections. How they think of the product now vs. how they thought of it before they bought it. How the product is performing compared to what their expectations are, etc.

If your readers can see real testimony from real customers that show they had the same concerns before buying, yet are now happy and satisfied customers, that can go a long way toward increasing your sales.

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This is an article in a series on linguistic presuppositions, those powerfully effective language patterns that you can use conversationally to persuade your listeners and readers.

Today’s pattern is called the “Spurious Not,” and is similar in structure to both the rhetorical question pattern and the negative question pattern.

You can use it as follows. Take any negative question, separate the contraction (e.g. aren’t you à are you not) and simply make the question. When you separate the “not” out like that, it takes a little bit more brain processor time to make sense of the question.

If you’ve ever see a TV show when the lawyer had some poor witness on the stand, and kept firing away with questions like:

“Were you not there that night that…”
“Did you not see the defendant…”
“Are you not aware that you are under oath?”

These are intended to throw the witness off guard, and make them more susceptible to tell the truth, (or less resistant to cover something up) or in the case of les than ethical attorney’s, answer the questions in a way that throws their client in a better light, or confuses the jury, so that they will have a harder time coming back with a verdict against the attorney’s client.

In order to persuade, it’s best to phrase these like you are asking a question of yourself, and then follow up with a more “leading” statement.

Idea = exercise is the best way to lose weight

I wonder if you are not already aware that exercise is the best way to lose weight, because when you realize that you can save a lot of money by not buying all those diet pills and mail order meal plans.

I wonder if you are not already aware that many people have already discovered that exercise is not only the best way to lose weight, but also a great way to improve the quality of your sleep and boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Idea = dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market

I wonder if you are not already aware that dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market, and can save you lots of time and worry.

I wonder if you are not already aware of many people who are now happily retired simply because they decided before that the simplest and most effective way to consistently make money in the stock market is through simple, dollar cost averaging.

Idea = presuppositions are a great way to persuade people

I wonder if you are not becoming more and more aware that with these simple language patterns, you can easily persuade your friends and family to vastly improve their lives by opening up a world of possibility around them.

I wonder if you are not starting to realize that presuppositions are not only a powerfully effective way to conversationally persuade others, but they will make it virtually impossible for others to manipulate you, as you will be able to clearly see their intentions beneath their language.

I wonder if you are not already seeing the benefit of not only reading this blog on a daily basis, but also of emailing a link to all your friends, so they too can benefit from these powerful language patterns?

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Today’s lesson on linguistic presuppositions, those powerful language patterns that you can use to easily and powerfully persuade others, is another doozy.

Logically, then send the listener in a quick time distortion combined with what in sales they call the “takeaway.” Then, all of a sudden, there they are in the present with a huge opportunity to get what they seemingly just lost, and all they have to do is to believe whatever it is you are trying to persuade them!

Sounds cool, right?

The pattern today is called the Counterfactual Conditional Clause, or clauses that are in the Subjunctive Tense. Both mean talking about something that isn’t true, as if it were.

If I were tall, I would play basketball.

If I saw a UFO, I would take a picture.

The actual definition of the Subjunctive is rather vague. The basic definition is talking about something as if it were true, even though it is unlikely that it is.

The way to use this in persuasion is take the idea you’d like to persuade your listener of, put it into a conditional clause, put it in the subjunctive, or counterfactual voice, and finally, put it in the past tense.

For example, first lets create a conditional clause:

If I go out to dinner, I’ll eat chicken. (Eating chicken is dependent upon going out to dinner.)

Now we put it in the subjunctive, or counterfactual voice:

If I went out to dinner, I’d eat chicken. (Eating chicken is dependent on going out to dinner, but it’s not likely to happen.)

Now put it in the past tense.

If I had gone out to dinner, I could have eaten chicken. Since it’s in the past tense, all my chances of eating chicken are gone, so I feel like I’ve missed out on something.

For persuasion, lets use the previously used examples:

Idea = exercise is the best way to lose weight

If you had started a simple exercise program a month ago, you could have lost about ten pounds by now.

Hearing this makes it sound as if the person in question has missed out on losing ten pounds. And since losing something of value is highly persuasive, they would be much more likely to start an exercise program than if we’d said:

If you exercise, you’ll lose weight.

Idea = dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market

If you had started a simple dollar cost averaging program five years ago, with only as little as 50 dollars a month, you could have generated a huge bank account by now, which could have given you an easy cushion against any unemployment that may come the future.

Now it sounds like we’re really missing the boat, and we’d better sign up for whatever investment plan is offered to us, so we can get back that money that we didn’t make in the first place. We don’t even question the idea that dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market.

Now just imagine now, how powerfully persuasive you’d be today if only you’d started studying these amazing language patterns only a couple years ago.

You could have been able to influence more people, close more sales, and been the center of attention at every social gathering. Just talking to people could have been an interesting experiment in covert mind control, as you would have had the power by now to walk up to any stranger, any place, and strike up a simple conversation and within moments literally having them eat out of your hands.

Not only that, but you would have been impervious to manipulation, as you could have been able to see people with less than noble intentions a mile away, and would have quickly been able to dismantle their efforts at verbally tricking you.

What you do now, of course, is up to you. But some people decide that learning these patterns is a skill that can powerfully influence all areas of your life to affect positive changes in the lives of others.

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Linguistic presuppositions are incredibly powerful language patterns that you can use to easily persuade others through simple conversation. This is another article in a series of how to do just that.

Today’s pattern is the use of “Change Of Time Verbs and Adverbs.” These are very powerful because they can be used to conversationally invoke the power of time distortion. This is a powerful hypnotic technique.

To get how powerful this is, think of something your purchased, something that you are very happy with, but were a bit reluctant to plot down your credit card or sign the contract. But then something happened when you took whatever it was into your possession. You started thinking about all the cool ways you could enjoy whatever it was you just bought. There was a quick mental shift from worry to excitement.

When you use time distortion, you can create this mental shift rather easily. If you’ve ever undergone hypnosis for some personal change work, they sometimes do something called “future pacing.” You imagine yourself out in the future, with your problem solved, and imagine how much better life is. You can then take those positive feelings from a hallucinated future and bring them back in the present to help create the change your after.

Kind of like the “Planet of the Apes” series of movies. The talking apes came back to the present from the future, left a talking ape baby, who started the whole race of talking apes. There was no future without the present, but there was no present with the visit from the future.

When you use time distortion, you bring back good feelings from the future, on the other side of whatever obstacle you are facing, back into the present to create the future that you just imagined.

You can use this conversationally with words like “Begin, Stop, End, Continue, Start, Proceed, Already, Yet, Still..” etc.

For example, when I want to convince somebody that exercise is the best way to lose weight, I can say something like the following:

Once you realize that exercise is the best way to lose weight, you will continue to enjoy many other benefits such as better sleep, higher self-esteem, and even better posture.

Many people have already discovered that exercise is the best way to lose weight, and they are continuing to reap the benefits.

When you start to exercise on a daily basis, you will continue to be surprised at just what an effective method it is to lose weight.

Similarly, with dollar cost averaging being a good way to make money in the stock market:

When you start a dollar cost averaging program with our firm, you’ll begin to understand, as so many others have already done, that this is without question the best way to consistently make money in the stock market.

Despite the many people that have already grown their accounts through simple dollar cost averaging, there are still people who haven’t yet discovered this powerful investment strategy.

Now, I’m not sure what your exact plans are for persuasion. Maybe you’ve already decided how you are going to use these powerful patterns, or maybe you are beginning to understand that this is just the tip of the iceberg as far as how versatile and powerful these patterns can become for you.

Whatever you do decide to use these for, you will continue to amaze yourself with just how skillfully you already know how to use them. In fact, you’ve perhaps already begun to notice yourself using these patterns in more and more amazing ways.

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