Sleight of Mouth language patterns from NLP are among most persuasive linguistic skills you can master. Presented in previous articles has been 22 of the most powerful patterns.

While it’s one thing to understand them and be able to come up with examples on an intellectual level, it’s important to understand that using them effectively in everyday conversations, whether in sales, seduction or to enhance existing relationships, they are far from academic.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that in order to maximize their effectiveness, it is imperative that you never set off the “he’s trying to change my mind” warning in the other person’s mind. Once this happens, the person will be on the defensive, and every pattern and trick you throw at them will only entrench them further in their position.

A good structure, or recipe, to keep in mind when embarking on any covert persuasion is as follows:

1. Through careful elicitation, make sure you understand their objection.
2. Agree with their objection or belief, and show them you truly respect their opinion. At the very least you must internally respect how they came to that conclusion, and how you yourself would come to the same conclusion in the same circumstances.
3. Think of at least three or four different patterns that you could apply to their belief. It doesn’t matter what order, or which patterns.
4. Then simply allow the conversation to flow wherever it goes, and bring up different alternatives as if you just thought of them on the fly. Or as if you remembered a friend or an old roommate who had a different take on things. The trick is for them to stumble on a different way of looking at their problem, limitation or objection themselves.

Fractionation can be a great way to introduce different ideas into the conversation. Fractionation refers to somebody who goes into a hypnotic trance over and over. For example, somebody who visits a therapist for the first time might have a hard time going into trance. With each subsequent visit, however, they will go deeper and deeper, quicker and quicker.

You can use this conversationally with the same effect. Talk about the objection or problem, then talk about the weather. Then talk about your friend through which you can introduce one of these Sleight of Mouth patterns. Then talk about the price of corn or something. Then introduce another pattern. Then talk about some sports team. Back and forth. Each time you return to the objection, with a different angle, they will be more and more ready to accept a different outlook on things.

So how do you practice using these patterns? There are plenty of ways. With friends, in online forums, or just simply get out there and fall on your face a few times.

One great way to help you do this is to keep a Sleight of Mouth Journal. Each day before bed, review the conversations of the day. Find an objection or limiting belief, where you could have used one of these patterns.

Then take a few minutes to imagine what it would have been like if you used the pattern successfully. Imagine yourself delivering the pattern. Imagine the other person feeling really good as they accepted your different model of the world. Imagine getting the sale, or the number, or a friend or partner with a new outlook on life.

After a few weeks of doing this, these patterns will become second nature. And the world will never look the same again.

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Sleight of Mouth language powers are among the most useful language patterns you can learn to affect personal change in others as well as easily overcome objections and obstacles. They have been used from anything from therapy to seduction.

Today’s pattern is the “Decision Frame.” This is based on the idea that when we state a belief or objection, we somehow think that the idea is “out there” somewhere, and it exists independent of us and our thinking.

However, once you delve into some of your own personal beliefs, and take an inventory of the beliefs you hold today compared to five or ten, or even twenty years ago, it becomes clear that all beliefs exist only in our heads.

To use this particular conversational reframe, all you need to do is speak of the belief as if it were a conscious decision made by the person you are speaking with. You don’t to suggest any alternatives, or judgment regarding their belief, as merely playing with the idea that their belief or objection is a result of their own decision making process, a whole new world of possibility will open up to them.

If you are familiar with some of the other sleight of mouth patterns, any one or combination will be much more effective when used immediately after this particular pattern.

Let’s look at some examples

I can’t wake up early because it’s too difficult.

How exactly did you come to this conclusion? Was there ever a time when it was difficult and you still got up on time? How exactly do you measure the difficulty,and make a decision regarding it’s impact on your ability to wake up?

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Did you do a statistically sound study to determine this? Or did somebody you trust and respect tell you this? Are there any published numbers regarding ability to get a job compared to level of education? How many jobs did you apply for and get turned down solely due to your lack of education before you came up with your theory?

I can’t find a girlfriend because I can’t talk to girls.

How many girls did you talk to before you decided that was the reason? When exactly did you come to this conclusion? Do you imagine ever changing your mind any time in the future?

I can’t buy your product, it’s too expensive.

And how exactly did you decide that? It’s important, because our product may very well be over priced. Was there a certain range you had in mind before you left your house today? Or do you base the price on how you feel when you are introduced to a new product or service? How do you feel when you know the time is right to buy something?

I can’t study all these patterns, because they are too difficult.

I’m interested how you came to the conclusion that they are too difficult if you haven’t studied them yet. Did you study one or two of them, and figure the rest were the same? How long do you generally look at something before making the determination that it’s too difficult?

I could never use these patterns in a normal conversation, I would feel too awkward and strange.

Since you’ve never used them before, I’m guessing you’ve felt awkward and strange before, and you think maybe these will produce the same feeling of awkwardness? How did you come to that conclusion? How do you imagine people reacting when you use these particular patterns?

(end examples)

Just by reading the naked text, these patterns can certainly be used without any kindness or obvious concern for the other person’s resourcefulness. It’s important to remember these patterns, and this one in particular, that you aren’t coming from a place of superiority, bent on proving the other person wrong.

It’s much more effective to become purely curious and interested in the other person, and how they formed their beliefs. Then once you get them speaking in terms of decisions and options, you can leave the belief change up to them. People are generally pretty skilled at changing their minds for the better when given an adequate opportunity.

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Without question, Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns are the easiest way to covertly sneak your ideas inside somebody else’s head without any detection whatsoever. When used correctly, they will take your ideas and suggestions as their own, thereby offering no resistance at all. These patterns have been used for everything from sales and seduction to therapeutic belief change and drastically increasing personal resources.

Today’s pattern is a fun one to play with, and is called the “What If Frame.” In this particular reframe, you accept your listeners’s beliefs, and then ask them to imagine what would happen if things were different. Simply by imagining an alternative reality (or what we think of as reality) we can discover untold resources that we didn’t even know existed before.

Before getting into this reframe, a little bit about conditional grammatical structures. (huh?)

Basically there are two types. The first type (first conditionals for all you grammar nerds) is when speaking about an event that is likely to happen, or has a decent chance of happening. This pattern uses “if,” present tense verbs, and the auxiliary verb “will.”

If it rains tonight, I will wear my raincoat.

If I run out of money, I will go to the ATM.

If I eat too much past, I will get gas.

The second type (second conditional for the aforementioned grammar fans) is when something has very little chance of actually happening, or is impossible. This uses “if,” past tense verbs, and the auxiliary verb “would.”

If I saw a UFO, I would grab my camera.

If I ate one million hamburgers, I would be very sick.

If I could slam dunk, I would be very famous.

The reason for bringing this up, is that sometimes using the second conditional is better. Even though few people will consciously discriminate between the first and second conditionals in casual conversation, we pick up on it subconsciously.

When speaking in a “What If” frame mind, using the second conditional can help your listener to fantasize about how things would be if they were different. They will subconsciously pick up that you’re speaking in terms of things that can’t really happen anyway, and they’ll be much more likely go to along with it.

And when they start imagining a different reality, one with much more possibility and resources, their mind will automatically start thinking of ways to get there.

To construct this pattern, simply accept their belief (stated as X causes Y, or X means Y), without arguing, and then playfully talk about how things would be if they were different.

If what things were different? Anything you want. If they didn’t believe that X causes Y, if X caused something else, If X only caused Y in certain circumstances, anything and everything is fine for this. So long as they go along with you in their imagination, this will work like a charm.

Make sure when doing this, not to take on the tone “Yea, if things were different, but they’re not, so we’re stuck.” Try and take on the tone of a little kid who can pretend that some box is a space ship fighting against aliens.

Some examples.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Yea, I can see how that’s one way to look at things. But what if you could? What if there were some way that you could start at a job without a college degree, and then work your way up through the system? What if there really were companies that based their promotions and management positions on the actual work that you did? If those companies did exist, how would you find them?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight.

Yea, lots of people would reject you for that, that’s for sure. But what if there were some people out there who were more concerned with your personality and your ability to communicate and really connect with people? (Notice the presuppositions?) If there were people like that out there, how would you find them, and start a conversation with them? How would you know them if you met them?

I can’t make money because I don’t have very good skills.

Yea, I’m sure it seems that way. But what if you could? What if you already had the skills to make money in some market? If that were true, how would you go about finding them?

I can’t buy your product because it is too expensive.

Yea, a lot of people say that, and I can’t disagree. But what if there were something about this particular product that made you want to buy it regardless of the cost? What if you were to realize that this product/service could help you out so much, it would be worth twice what we’re asking for it? How would you know if that were true?

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too complicated.

Yea, there certainly are a lot of them. But what if there was a way to learn them that made them fun and interesting, some way to imagine how your future would be if you mastered these patterns? How would that make you feel?

I could never use these patterns in real conversation. They’d feel too strange and awkward.

Yea, some of these patterns do sound pretty off the wall. But what if you could use these in a conversation, and nobody would know? What if these were so powerful, that they would send people on an internal search for various new meanings, and they wouldn’t even notice that you said anything strange or different? How cool would that be? How much extra money could you make?

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With the powerful Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns you can easily get inside somebody’s head (without them realizing it) and covertly twist their ideas around to give them a much more resourceful outlook on life. These can be used for destroying limiting beliefs, to drastically improve your sales, and to seduce whomever you please.

Today’s pattern is called the “Both Frame.” The basic idea is that when people express a belief or an objection, it’s set up as either a complex equivalent (X means Y) or a cause and effect (X causes Y). Although often times only one side will be stated, and you’ll have to extract the other side with your intuition based on the context of the conversation.

When people express these statements or ideas, they are usually in an “all or nothing” frame. There is no halfway point. When somebody says that they can’t get a good job because they don’t have a college degree, in their mind they mean that every single job they will get with their education will be a bad one.

If somebody says that being upset makes them eat ice cream, in their mind, anxiety creates one and only one response: Get the bucket of ice cream and the spoon. (Actually that doesn’t sound too bad right now, but I digress).

The idea then is to carefully introduce some kind of “halfway point” so that they have some more responses. When people express an objection or a limiting belief, they are expressing how they are stuck. They have built a rut in their minds, and they can’t think any other way. By introducing more choice, they can experience a new perspective. They can get that, “wow, I never thought of that before” feeling.

To use this conversationally, take the belief or objection at face value, and then wonder out loud about any other possibilities.

Some examples:

I can’t make the basketball team because I’m too short. (ALL assumption = height is the ONLY consideration by the coach).

Is that the first thing the coach checks, is how tall you are? Does he have any other criteria besides height, like teamwork, leadership, hustle, free throw shooting ability, inside shot, outside shot, anything like that?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight. (All or nothing assumption: Other people only care about weight and physical appearance)

Is that the only consideration people have regarding a potential relationship partner? I read this interesting article in Cosmo that said most people have about three or four different things that are important to them, and being in good physical shape is not the most important.

or

(All or nothing assumption: I can’t talk to anybody because it won’t turn into a relationship)

So you don’t want to talk to anybody and maybe be friends unless you are sure from the first minute that you are after them for a lifelong relationship?

I can’t buy your product, because it’s too expensive.

Do you always only look at the price when considering buying something? Have you ever bought something only because of price and later were disappointed? Does value, desire and expected pleasure from owning this product ever come into consideration?

I can’t learn all these language patterns because they are too difficult.

Do you have to learn all of them in one session? Is it possible to learn one this week, and another one next week? Imagine how powerful and persuasive you’d be six months from now!

I could never use these in a conversation, they would sound too awkward and uncomfortable.

(note: In this situation, the person is likely imagining using them for the first time in a high pressure sales situation, or an important point with an important person, like a boss or significant other, where losing an argument would mean a big deal.)

What would happen if you just playfully used these on Skype with somebody that you didn’t really know that well, when talking about something that didn’t really matter?

or

How does it feel to imagine using these with a practice partner, until you feel confident to start using them with others about inconsequential things, so you can better appreciate how powerful they really are?

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Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns are powerful linguistic phrases and arguments that can easily obliterate any objection and turn a limiting belief on it’s head. They can be used to improve any persuasive conversation from selling cars to seducing the lover of your dreams.

Today’s pattern is called “Metaphor Framing.” This is not a pattern per se, but it can be used to deliver any other pattern in manner that is conversational, non confrontational, and deeply effective on a subconscious level.

There are plenty of different definitions for metaphor. He is a brick house, is a metaphor describing some guy, who happens to be very large, in terms of a house.

The movie, “The Day The Earth Stood Still,” (the original version, at least) was a metaphor for the dangers of the cold war.

If you are a fan of Freud, sometimes a cigar is not just a cigar, if you catch my drift. (Just ask Monica Lewinski).

A metaphor, then, is any kind of language, story, or description, that is used to describe something else, without referring to it directly. It allows us to think about one thing in terms of another.

With these patterns, it allows your listener to try on some different ideas regarding their objection of belief, without really having to confront their objection or belief on a conscious level. Often times the belief merely vanishes.

This is how Milton Erickson did most of his amazing work. He would tell story after story about seemingly meaningless things, but when he was done, is clients problems were solved.

My favorite was a boy that came in because he wet the bed. Erickson told him stories about baseball, where it’s important to squeeze the glove just at the right time in order to catch the ball, as well as release just at the right time when you are throwing to home plate all the way from the outfield.

He also told him stories of big factories and valves and shut off switches.

So how do you use a metaphor with these patterns?

Use any of the other patterns, but talk about something completely different, but within the framework of the particular pattern you’d like to deliver.

For example, somebody says, “I can’t get a date because I’m too fat.”

One possible reframe could be that plenty of other overweight people are in happy relationships.

To put it into a metaphor, or a story, you could remind them of the story of Beauty and the Beast, and the moral that the person inside is more important in the relationship. Or tell some story of an old friend you haven’t seen in a while that was really big, but was always surrounded by attractive members of the opposite sex because he or she had such an outgoing and charming personality.

The important thing is to think of a story, and use a character in your story that is representative of the person you are speaking of. You can either have them take on the same objection, with disastrous results, or explain how they found a way around their obstacle and everybody lived happily ever after.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

That reminds me of this neighbor I used to have. He was always grumpy and unhappy. Never got married, never had any kids. Said he couldn’t afford them. He said he never was able to make much money because he barely finished high school. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that our other neighbor, who was the same age as him, was a high school drop out and was making six figures in some company where he started in the mail room and worked his way up.

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too difficult.

I’m glad Moses didn’t have that attitude when God charged him with leading the people out of the desert and into the promised land. The world would have been a much different place than it is today. It’s amazing that they were out there for forty years, living on who knows what, and they still made it to their destination.

I can’t use these patterns with others because it would be too awkward.

I wonder what the world would be like today if St. Paul felt that going into the various cities and preaching the Gospel felt too awkward?

or

I remember reading this poem by Rumi, this ancient Sufi poet. I don’t remember the words exactly, but it described the difference between fire and water. Fire seems to harsh and dangerous, but as soon as you step into it, you are in cool, relaxing water. But water, on the other hand, seems to inviting and peaceful on the outside, but once you step into it you are bathed in anguishing fire. I guess his point was that things that seem difficult on the outside are actually pretty useful and easy once you get past them, while things that seem easy and comfortable can keep you stuck in a living hell without hope for escape.

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Sleight of Mouth is without question the most powerful set of linguistic skills to conversationally destroy objections and obliterate limiting beliefs, oftentimes with your listener unaware of what just hit them.

Today’s pattern is called the “Ecology Frame.” Basically it invites the listener to examine whether or not the particular belief or objection is going to be beneficial for them in long run. It’s deceptively simple to generate, and can have some profound effects on your listener.

Most people assume their beliefs and objections are “out there” in reality, and set in stone. Just by speaking of them in terms of useful or not useful, it can create a feeling of choice with respect to their previously rigid beliefs and objections.

Most don’t even consider that they have the option to adjust their beliefs to produce a more resourceful outlook, so this pattern can bring some refreshing introspection in your listeners.

The way to use this pattern is fairly simple. Just take their belief or objection at face value, speak of it in terms of something they’ve chosen, and wonder out loud if it’s helpful or not to continue to believe this.

So let’s take an example, somebody that says, “It’s too hard to get up and exercise every morning.”

(being difficult causes me to not be able to do it)

First of all, accept their belief, but speak about it in “choice” language:

• So you’ve decided that getting and working out is too difficult?
• How long have you felt that way?
• How long since you’ve made that decision?
• Have you always felt that way?
• When did you choose to feel that way?
• What affected this decision?

Then wonder about the future, and how this belief will either help them or hold them back.

That’s interesting. You’ve said before that you want to get in shape, does thinking that it’s too hard to get up in the morning support your goals of fitting into that dress by summer time? If it doesn’t, have yo thought of a different way that will compensate for this?

Simply by speaking of the belief in these terms, and posing the questions this way will force them to think of their beliefs as personal decisions, rather than something imposed on them by the gods above.

This, of course, will give them the mental wiggle room to not only reevaluate their decision, but to start to see beliefs as actual choices that have consequences, rather than arbitrary truths about reality.

A great pattern to use with this is the Criteria and Values pattern. By showing them their chosen belief will give them something other than what they are trying to achieve, it can have a powerful additive effect (like chocolate and peanut butter).

Some more examples.

I can’t get a job because I don’t have a college degree.

Well, obviously you’d like a good job. I wonder if thinking that you need a college degree will help you or hurt you in the long run. Do you feel more positive about your future if you imagine a big roadblock ahead keeping you from the good stuff because of your lack of education? How does your future look if you imagine that you don’t need a college degree to get a good job?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight.

That’s an interesting way to look at things. If you were at a party, and you saw an attractive person that smiled at you from across the room, does thinking that make it easier or harder to go and talk to them? What would happen if you thought the opposite? Which would you rather choose as your default belief pattern?

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too difficult and complicated.

Yea, lots of people feel that way. Does thinking they are difficult make it seem easier to learn them? I met this guy once that would always decide things were easy to learn before he learned them, so he could learn them easier. He learned a lot, and I’m wondering if that may be a better way to look at things. What do you think?

I could never use these patterns in a normal conversation, it would seem to awkward.

Yea, I can understand that point of view. If you had an opportunity to use one of these patterns, does thinking that it would feel awkward make it seem easier or harder to actually use them? What would happen if you thought it would be fun to use them, how would make you feel?

As The Bard Hath Spake:

“Nothing is good or bad, but our thinking makes it so.”

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Sleight of Mouth Language patterns are little known about but incredibly powerful linguistic tools that you can easily use during normal, everyday conversations with powerful effects. Easily dismantling beliefs and quickly and effectively overcoming objections, these patterns have been used for powerful therapeutic change and incredibly profitable sales techniques.

The focus this article is the “Identity Frame” pattern.

First, a bit about the concept of “identity.”

Many times, most times, we think of ourselves in various tenses of the “be” verb. Functionally, this verb is a linguistic equals sign, equating everything on one side of the equation, with everything on the other.

The simple sentence, “I am happy,” is equating the speaker with the feeling of happiness. Sounds simple and a bit pedantic, but it bears some consideration. Not so bad, but what happens when you don’t do something as well as you’d like, and you say, “I am a failure”? Now it gets a bit trickier. The moment you say that, your subconscious searches our memories and judgments for every other instance that you labeled somebody or something a “failure,” and puts you in that category as well.

Technically speaking, you are nothing. You do things, you think things, you remember things, you feel things, but what you really are is always changing. Even the atoms, molecules and cells that make up your physical body (including the brain you are using to read this and hopefully store some of this information for later use) are always being recycled.

You are a process, a process that is always changing. You can’t be anything.

So how do you use this idea in a conversational reframe?

You could take the two sides of the statement, and equate them as being one in the same. This is similar to the “Allness” frame.

Or you could take whatever belief or objection they are saying, and identify them with that particular belief. It’s a way of showing the person that they really are a lot more resourceful than letting their mind be held captive by some imaginary belief or objection.

For example, somebody says to you “I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.”

What could you identify about that belief, that the listener wouldn’t particularly like to be identified with?

How about:

• Somebody that lets others determine their potential
• Somebody who allows their future to be determined by a set of exams
• Somebody who only follows what the crowd does without much thought
• Somebody who quietly takes their spot in society and hopes for some table scraps from the big kids

To phrase this, it sometimes helps to assume they are the opposite of that identity, and let them prove it by living up to it. It’s tempting to cop an attitude (Oh, you’re on of those people!) but that only puts them on the defensive, which will strengthen their belief, and destroy your rapport.

What? I didn’t think you were the type that allowed some arbitrary rules set up by society to determine their life. I thought you were the kind of guy who made their own luck and did whatever you wanted despite what the so called “experts” said was best. Since when are you letting a bunch of goofball academics who don’t even know you set some imaginary limit on your career and earning potential?

Some others examples.

I can’t play basketball because I’m too short.

You mean there is some kind of height limit on playing basketball? Do the laws of physics change, making it impossible to make a basket if the ball is shot below a certain elevation?

I can’t get a date because I’m overweight.

So everybody who doesn’t date is fat? And everybody who is fat can’t get a date? That can’t be true, because I see overweight people in relationships all the time. What would happen if you were skinny in a relationship and then got fat? Would it automatically stop? How does that work? Do you each get some kind of post card in the mail telling you it’s over? Who’s in charge of this system, anyway?

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too hard.

I thought you were the kind of person who likes a challenge, especially when learning something can make you a lot of money, and make it easy to have wonderful relationships. You didn’t give up when you started walking, did you? Unless you parents had to hire some kind of personal walking trainer for you when you were a year old…

I could never use these in a real conversation, it would feel too awkward.

Do you really identify yourself as somebody who never tries anything unless it feels totally comfortable the first time? You’re not one of those people that are afraid to leave the house, and have to wash your hands every fifteen seconds are you? (said in an obvious joking manner, after building a lot of rapport).

I can’t buy your product because it costs too much.

I read this article once about an old lady who hated to spend money. She would even sell the daily newspaper after she read it. She died a rich woman, but she wore the same ugly dress every day, and her kids hated her. You’re not like her, are you? (said in joking manner, after building a lot rapport).

(end examples)

Some of these are bit tough to stand by themselves, so in this case it’s a good idea to throw these reframes out jokingly, and then change the subject, and then come back with another pattern or two.

Even when you change the subject, your listener will have at least in part considered the idea of what it’s like to identify themselves with the belief in such a way. When you come back later with a couple more patterns, it will be much more easier to dismantle their belief or objection.

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Sleight of Mouth Language patterns are incredibly useful for not only covertly dismantling limiting beliefs and objections, but also for drastically increasing the resourcefulness of both yourself and whoever you happen to be using them with.

Today’s pattern is called “Have To Framing.” This particular pattern applies some Cartesian logic and invites the holder of the belief or objection to consider other alternatives.

Cartesian logic was created (or so people say) by some super smart French guy named Rene Descartes a few hundred years ago. You might have heard of him. It basically takes a cause/effect statement, or relationship, and expands on it, like so:

Statement: Doing X causes Y

Applying Cartesian mumbo jumbo gets you these questions:

• What else does X cause?
• What else causes Y?
• What doesn’t cause Y?
• Does X ever not cause Y?
• Does X ever cause the opposite of Y?
• Does Y ever happen without X?
• What would happen if you did X?
• What wouldn’t happen if you did X?
• What would happen if you didn’t do X?
• What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t do X?

When you conversationally bring up these questions about a belief or an objection, it’s almost impossible for your listener to maintain that the belief is some set in concrete law of reality from Heaven.

A great way to introduce these questions is by way of presuppositions. You can presuppose that there are other alternatives by asking what evidence they would see if one of the other Cartesian mumbo jumbo logic phrases were correct.

For example, somebody says “Being stressed makes me angry.”

So you have Stress causes anger.

Some Cartesian statements could be:

What else causes you to get angry?
What doesn’t cause you to get angry?
What else does stress cause you to do?
Does stress ever not make you not angry?

And then you could stick them in some presuppositions by asking something like follows:

How do you know when stress doesn’t make you angry?

Even if they look at you with a completely blank or confused look, in order to make sense of that sentence, they’ve got to search through their history and see if there actually are any memories of stress not causing anger. Just by searching, they will subconsciously realize that

stress causes anger

is only true sometimes, not all of the time. When they come to that realization, the belief loosens up a bit, and they’ll realize that there are other things to consider.

To generate this pattern, mull over some questions like:

• Do you have to feel that way?
• What would happen if you didn’t believe that?
• How would you know if that wasn’t true?
• What’s it like when that isn’t true?
• What stops you from believing otherwise?
• What would it look like, sound like, feel like, if the opposite were true?

Merely by asking some well phrased questions will send them into a quick trance as they search their memory. They will likely come up with some contradictory evidence of the belief or objection. This would be a great time to hit them with some other patterns to really fry their circuits, er I mean, share with them some other language patterns to help them become more resourceful.

(And naturally, once their previously held beliefs are swirling around their mind like wisps of imaginary smoke, you can lay on some heavy Milton Model patterns and really have some fun.)

Some more examples you say? Sure. I thought you’d never ask.

I can’t get a good job without a college degree.

How would you know if you really didn’t need a college degree to get a good job?

I can’t find somebody special because I’m overweight.

What’s stopping you from finding somebody special despite your concern with your weight?
What would you feel like if you really could find somebody that would accept you just the way you are?
How would you know if you could find somebody that would accept you just the way you are?

I can’t buy your product because it’s too expensive.

What would have to happen in order for you to be convinced that it really was worth the price?
How would you know once you decided that the high price meant it had exceptional value?
Have you ever bought something specifically because it had a high price?

I can’t learn these language patterns because they are too difficult.

How do you know that you don’t already know most of them?
What will feel like if you did master them?
What’s stopping you from thinking they are easy and fun to learn?

I could never use these patterns in a normal conversation.

What would it feel like if you did, and they worked tremendously?
What’s stopping you?
How would you know if that was gone? (Whatever is stopping them)
How would you know if it was actually really easy to use these in a conversation?

(end examples)

The best way, in my experience, is to be as playful as possible when using these particular patterns. If you try and come across as some super smart person sage your wisdom of enlightenment, it usually doesn’t work. If you come across like some amateur psychotherapist trying to help them discover their hidden power, that usually doesn’t work either.

But if you act like a little kid who just discovered that by twisting the handle on the drugstore gumball machine just right gets you a free gumball, and you’re anxious to try and find other ways to get free gumballs, people will usually play along.

Remember, your job, when people whine, ”But what if doesn’t work,” is to say,

“yea, but what if it does work???”

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When you use Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns, you open up a door to powerful conversational reframing that will allow you to easily and effortlessly overcome any objection and smash any limiting belief with impunity. Never again will you lose an argument or be at a loss for words.

Today’s pattern is called “Values And Criteria Framing,” and is very powerful. First of all, what are values and criteria?

For something specific, like buying a car, a particular criterion may be color, or engine size, or number of seats. For other things like movies, restaurants, housing locations, we all have our own specific criteria based on our own tastes. Personally, I like action movies, Mexican restaurants, and quite neighborhoods, preferably near a school or park.

When we start talking about so called “higher level” criteria, about very important things like life and relationships they start to get very vague.

What’s important to you in a relationship? You’ll likely come up with some descriptions like mutual trust and respect, mutual appreciation, open and honest communication. But what do these terms really mean? How exactly can you measure them. The truth is that you can’t. You can certainly feel when they are true and when they are not. You can certainly see evidence of them. Most of the time you just know if you have them or not.

These are the vague, criteria and values that you can leverage to overcome objections and limiting beliefs.

Whenever you apply these so called “higher level” values and criteria to “lower level” objections or beliefs, they have a tendency to “work downwards,” and effectively re-organize the lower level objection.

For example, somebody buying a product may object that it’s too expensive. What could be some higher level criteria?

Value
Satisfaction
Security

These are hard to define, but are held by most people when they got out shopping for whatever they happen to be looking for. When you apply them to the objection, the objection seems to be much less important.

I can’t buy this product because it’s too expensive.

Yea, I’m sure it feels that way. But when you think about what’s really important, and think about how your decision today will affect your long term satisfaction with whatever product you decide to buy, I wonder if you can’t really see how this product has an incredible amount of value, which can easily give you the security your looking for.

Another example, somebody says that they can’t find a romantic partner because they are overweight.

What are some possible higher level criteria or values?

Connection
Communication
Mutual Respect
Mutual Appreciation

So a possible response may be:

Yea, it does seem tough these days to find “The One.” And when you imagine how wonderful your ideal relationship will be, don’t those feelings of true connection and communication with somebody seem a little bit more important than worrying about a few extra pounds? Isn’t it more important to focus on what’s really important, things like finding mutual respect and appreciation, rather than worrying about the few people who will reject you because of your weight?

How about another:

I can’t learn these patterns because they are too confusing and difficult, let alone use them in a normal conversation.

Yes, learning new things is always difficult, especially when you are learning new ways to communicate with others. What’s really important is how much more resourceful you’ll be once you’ve mastered these patterns, and how you can easily destroy not only your own limiting beliefs, but those of your friends and family as well. And when you think about how useful and effective persuasive communication is in all areas of life, it can make any worries about learning them small in comparison.

A word about criteria.

All of us have a set of criteria that we spend our whole lives trying to fulfill. Whenever you speak with someone regarding their own criteria, treat whatever they say with the utmost respect.

And always use the exact same words they use, with the exact same tonality and emphasis, when describing their own criteria to them. One way these patterns will definitely not work is if you assume you know what their criteria are, and use your assumptions instead of their own information.

This of course requires you set up some rapport, and do some digging to elicit their criteria before you start firing away with these patterns.

You’ll find that when proper rapport, and just a few of their criteria, these particular patterns can be extremely powerful and persuasive.

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Conversational reframes are great way to covertly invite your listener to “think outside the box” when facing an objection or limiting belief.

The Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns are specific verbal strategies to use conversational reframes skillfully so any objection, obstacle, or limiting belief you come across doesn’t stand a chance.

The pattern for today is “Model Of The World Framing.” This is based on the idea that “The Map Is Not The Territory.” This truism from NLP holds a lot of weight, and deserves some attention.

We humans move through the world, and collect information through our five senses. Every idea, every thought, every fear about the future or feelings of the past are created with memories involving these five senses.

However, something happens in between the world “outside” and our representation of that world that is constructed in our brains from that sense information.

The data is distorted, deleted, and generalized. This is necessary, since our conscious minds can only handle a few bytes of information a second, but the amount of information constantly being presented to our fives senses runs in the millions or even billions of bytes per second. Our brain has to make some hard choices, and make them in real time.

So what happens?

Our brains are filled up with interpretations of what we really think is “out there.” And these interpretations are often generated by the meaning we give to events. However, most of us don’t see things that way. We don’t feel as if we give meaning to events, we feel as if we discover meaning in events.

By using this particular pattern, the Model of The World Pattern, we invite the listener to question their interpretation of certain events.

Simply by labeling their belief, which they likely assume is absolute set in stone truth, as merely a “model of the world,” it gives them some mental wiggle room to come up with some different interpretations of the same events.

Some ways to help them along these lines is to give some examples of others who see the same events, but don’t draw the same conclusions. Another way is to carefully find out how long they’ve held that particular model. Yet another way is to ask who they learned that particular model from. Speaking in these terms, it makes their belief or objection seem much more pliable and easy to shift around until they find something more resourceful.

Other ways are to use words like “seem, appear, feels like, etc.” to give the belief or objection a subjective frame, rather than a frame of absolute truth.

Some examples.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

That’s an interesting way of looking at things. I’m sure it seems like that right now. Do other people believe the same thing? Do most people that don’t have good jobs that have college degrees believe that? How about people that have good jobs, but don’t have a college degree, what about them? What do you suppose they believe?

I’ll never fall in love because I’m too fat.

You feel like you won’t ever meet somebody if you are overweight? Have you always believed that? Can you remember a time when you didn’t believe that? Do you remember who you learned that from? There are plenty people that are overweight, and happily married. What do you think they feel about finding a partner while being overweight?

My friend is angry at me because she didn’t return my phone call.

Yea, it sucks when somebody doesn’t call you right back. Has that always meant that she was angry with you? Can you remember a time when you knew she wasn’t angry and she still didn’t call you back? What about others? Do other people’s friends not calling them back mean they are angry with them, or could it mean something else? What if you called somebody you didn’t know, and they didn’t call you back, would that mean they were angry with you?

Learning these patterns is difficult. I’ll never be able to use these conversationally.

I met this guy who happens to be a sales rep other night at my Toastmasters club. He said he learned these patterns several years ago, and he’s been easily making six figures ever since. He said this was the best time investment he’d ever made, even more so that his formal college degree. I wonder if he thinks these patterns are difficult and too complicated to use conversationally.

An easy way to practice this pattern is to simply look at things, and practice giving them different meanings. Or find something you think is absolutely true (like ‘math is hard,’ or ‘it’s tough to make money in a down economy’), and find three or four different people (as different from you as possible) and try and guess what they believe regarding this.

Another way is to practice is on Internet forums, where the topics of discussion are easily flammable, like politics, religion, etc. Find some beliefs that people state relatively clearly, and practice using this pattern, either on paper, or actually posting to that particular forum.

Practicing this pattern on your own beliefs will give you an incredible amount of mental flexibility that can serve you very well throughout your entire life, so take some time to get familiar with this.

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When you use Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns, you suddenly have the capability to conversationally reframe arguments, objections, and even beliefs that have been held since childhood. Their power and effectiveness is only limited by your willingness to learn and use them.

Today’s pattern is along the same logical lines as the previous two, but takes things to an extreme. They can easily put something into perspective, removing the sting from any belief or objection.

This pattern is called “Eternity Framing.” You simply take the objection or obstacle, and conversationally move your listener out in time to the end of their life. From this vantage point the argument seems almost silly, and can easily be dealt with back here in the present.

This can work on a personal level as well. Whenever you find yourself facing a seemingly insurmountable problem, simply imagine you are on your death bed looking over your life. Compared to all the things you’ve accomplished, and all the things you will accomplish that you are remembering in your hallucination, the present problems won’t seem so bad.

So basically, you take the person’s objection, accept it at face value, and then casually move them out into the distant future, and have another look at the objection. You can either look back from the future, and make the objection seem small in comparison to everything else, or you can show them what a horrible life they have ahead of them if they persist in hanging on to it.

Let’s take a look at some examples.

When you watch football it means you don’t love me.

Well, maybe you feel that way now, but when we’re in our nineties, and remembering all the wonderful times we’ve had together, and all the ups and downs, I really don’t think football will seem like much of a problem.

I can’t buy this because it’s too expensive.

Yes, I agree. It sure seems that way now. But if you could imagine looking back on this decision in twenty or thirty years, and your in position to really see all the value you’ve received from this product, I think you can safely feel glad to have bought this today.

I’ll never get a good job without a college degree.

Well, when you’re retired, and living off a meager pension of a day laborer, I hope you don’t mind looking back over your life, just above the poverty line, and only being able to afford to buy something nice once in a while, while some of your neighbors, who are also living the good life, will have been comfortably retired for many years.

I just can’t exercise, it’s too difficult.

When you’re laying on your death bed, I hope you don’t mind having given up an extra twenty or so years of life because you decided to take it easy.

Learning these patterns are too difficult. Besides, I could never use these in a real conversation.

Yea, they are difficult. When you look back on reading this blog post when you are in your eighties, I guess you won’t mind having given up the opportunity of a lifetime, one that could have easily earned you extra hundreds of thousands, or perhaps even millions of dollars, over the course of your life. I guess you really like your comfort zone.

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When sufficient skills in Sleight of Mouth Language patterns, you can easily obliterate objections and limiting beliefs without even losing a step in your conversation. Unlike other objection dismantling procedures, these don’t steamroll your listener, using strong arm tactics. Rather, they covertly invite your listener to consider other points of view.

When they do change their mind, and come to the obvious conclusion that their previous belief or objection doesn’t really make much sense, no one will be the wiser.

Today’s pattern is called “Outcome of Outcome Framing.” It’s a step further than the previous pattern, “First Outcome Framing,” as it goes further out into the future.

Kind of like when George Bailey, in the Christmas favorite, “It’s A Wonderful Life,” was invited into a world where he didn’t exist, and decided that jumping off that bridge wasn’t such a good idea after all. He saw how worse off people were for him not having involved himself in their lives.

Similarly, you can conversationally paint a future for your listener, taking their belief as a starting point, and extrapolating out five or ten years into the future.

Sometimes we are comfortable with our beliefs in the present, even if at some level we realize they are limiting, but when we see how our lives will be five or ten years, often enough that is enough to shock us out of our complacency.

The basic structure of this pattern is to simply accept their belief or objection at face value, and then wonder, out loud, where that will lead them in a few years. It can also help if the future you extrapolate to will give them the exact opposite of what they think the belief or objection is doing for them in the present.

Let’s take a look at some examples.

I can’t help eating ice cream when I’m stressed. (X causes Y, Stress causes me to eat ice cream)

Yea, that’s one way to deal with stress. I suppose if you keep it up, eating ice cream like that every other night, you’re going to be a lot heavier in five years. Imagine how stressful that will be, what with all your extra blood pressure and cholesterol that you’ll be carrying around with you along with all that stress.

I can’t talk to girls/boys because I don’t know what to say.

Yea, I totally understand. I think so too sometimes. It’s gonna be embarrassing, ten years from now if somebody sets you up on a blind date, and they ask you when was the last time you dated somebody. They’ll probably think you a bit strange if you say you haven’t been on a date in ten years.

My friend didn’t return my phone call. That means she’s angry with me. (X means Y).

So you aren’t going to call her back? You’re call, man. But just think what it will be like if everybody who doesn’t call you back right away is your enemy all of a sudden. It’s gonna be a lonely world.

I can’t buy your product, it’s too expensive.

Yea, lots of people say that. I wonder about the people that didn’t decide to buy this product if they even realize how much continues value that this product provides for several years, that they’re missing out on, after only making one payment in the beginning.

or

Yea, that’s true. Some of my customers who bought this a few years ago, and are locked into all the free upgrades for life, are really happy they made the decision, before the price went up, just like it does every year.

(Note that in sales situations, it tough to build enough rapport to use this pattern directly, so telling stories about other people along the same lines is often times a good approach.)

Learning these patterns is too hard and complicated.

Yea, most people feel that way. That’s why I’m glad I decided to bite the bullet a couple years ago and really dig into them. Looking back, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I feel sorry for people who’ve known about these patterns for years, but never took the time to learn them. Their lives could be so much better now.

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With Sleight of Mouth Language patterns you can easily overcome objections and dismantle limiting beliefs with a few carefully crafted phrases.

Today’s pattern is called “First Outcome Framing,” and invites your listener or conversation partner to think of the results, or eventual outcome, of their particular belief or objection.

Just speaking about it in these terms is sometimes enough to shake it loose. When people express a belief or an objection, they are usually “set in stone,” at least in their mind.

But when we speak in terms of consequences, it somehow allows them to think of their belief or objection that they have a measure of control over.

The structure is fairly simple. You accept their belief at face value, and merely extrapolate out into the future, and get a less than desirable outcome of this particular belief. One that they would likely not want to experience.

This causes them to do a quick, mental double take on their original belief, oftentimes rethinking it. This works great when you follow it up with a couple of other patterns. You can either do this right away, or depending on the conversation and the relationship with the person, you can steer the conversation somewhere else, and then occasionally come back to the belief or objection, and throw another pattern at them.

They’ll have no idea why their objection or limiting belief went up in smoke. They’ll likely feel like they had some kind of divine inspiration or remembered something incredibly important that they didn’t know before.

To make this pattern, just take the belief, and casually wonder out loud what it will lead to, and let them come to their own conclusions. Just make sure that when you are wondering out loud, that the outcome it leads to isn’t all that great. You don’t want to support any objections or limiting beliefs.

A couple examples.

I can’t get a date because I’m no good at talking to boys/girls.

Wow, that’s pretty tough. I suppose just thinking that will keep you from going and talking to somebody that is really cool, and maybe starting a good friendship. I would kind of suck if somebody was waiting for you to go and talk to them, but you decided not to because you think you’re no good at talking to people.

My friend didn’t respond when I said “hi,” so she must be mad at me.

Wow. That’s pretty rough.So how do you treat people that are made at you? I usually get mad right back at them. So are you going to yell at your friend the next time you see her? That wouldn’t be very nice if she just had lots of things on her mind.

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Maybe. But I’m sure that you won’t apply to many place if you believe that. And I’m pretty sure you can’t get a good job if you don’t apply anywhere. So I guess you’re right on track. That cool with you?

I can’t learn all these patterns, they’re too many, and they are too difficult.

Wow, that sounds pretty bad. Whenever I think something is too hard, I usually quit to. Do you know how many people are using these patterns to make tons of money in sales? I guess you don’t want that, right?

(end examples)

These particular patterns can sound a bit harsh if said without any judgment whatsoever. It’s important to remember that when you use these, you aren’t looking for an ego boost, or the person to say something like:

“Wow! I never thought of that! You’re so smart! Thanks for convincing me!’

Rather, you are simply throwing some ideas out there, and making it sound as if you are wondering about them yourself. Then leave it up to the listener to come to their own conclusion. (Which happens to be the exact conclusion you want them to.)

So long as you have no problems with your listener keeping their belief or objection, and you are throwing these out in a “Hey, cool if it works for you…” frame, then you should be OK.

Just make sure when they do decide to buy into your idea, you stick around to reap the benefits.

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Sleight of Mouth Language patterns are extremely useful to easily and quickly defuse limiting beliefs, and overcome objections. When most people come up against an objection, like “I can’t buy that, it’s too expensive,” or “That’s too difficult, I can’t do it,” they stammer, repeat themselves, and somehow hope that saying the same thing over and over again will somehow be persuasive.

With the Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns, you will have 24 different structures to easily dismantle any belief or objection you come across. The are extremely versatile, and can be used in any conversational, therapeutic, or sales situation.

Today’s pattern is very similar to the previous one, “Prior Positive Intention Framing,” only with this one you reframe the prior cause, rather than the intention.

It’s a bit more difficult than reframing an intention, as it’s fairly easy to assume that everybody is working off good intentions, despite the occasional negative behavior that these good intentions can turn into.

Uncovering a prior cause, and reframing it in a positive light is a bit tougher, although it basically works the same way. It gives your listener a much more resourceful perspective, allowing them a little bit more mental wiggle room to overcome their seemingly set-in-stone belief or objection.

Generally speaking, it’s best to put the event, or cause “out there,” in the world, so it’s not personal. Then you can describe their belief as something that was a result of something that was, in some part, not completely in their control. This can help them find more resourceful ways to think about their objection.

This one can sometimes border to accepting excuses, or sometimes even making them for others, as you shall see. However, when you word them carefully, your listeners can accept their prior actions in light of events with a more resourceful outlook.

For example, somebody says, “I can’t get a date, because I’m too fat.”

To put this in “X causes Y,” we get, “Being too fat causes not being able to get a date.”

Now the trick is to think of something that happened, external to them, that they may have framed in some way that wasn’t very useful, which lead to this belief. Then we can reframe that event, use that new “meaning” of the same event to lead to a different belief.

So maybe they were rejected before, by somebody, and they assumed it was because of their weight.

You could easily pull, “being fat means I can’t get a date” from that event, but you could also pull:

• Some people you click with, and some people you don’t.
• Some people aren’t emotionally available for a relationship.
• You have to talk to a lot of people before you find “The One.”

So now you can reframe that initial event, and spin it a slightly different way, so you get a different outcome:

Yea, it’s tough dating. And I know you’ve had experience getting rejected a lot. And that means you’ve talked to a lot of people. And I’m sure you know that some people you just click with, and some people you don’t. But since you are the kind of person who talks to people to find out if you click or not, you’re just the kind of person that is destined to find “The One” sooner or later. I wish we could all be as lucky as you.

How about a sales example?

“I can’t buy your product because it costs too much.”

Expensive product means I can’t buy it.

What would be something “out there” that happened to give them this belief?
Maybe they saw a product, it was out of their price range, and they didn’t buy it.

So from that experience, seeing an expensive product, and not buying it, could lead to the belief, “I can’t buy expensive products.”

But from that same event, seeing an expensive product, you could also get:

• Expensive products have more value.
• Expensive products have more features.
• Expensive products have longer lifetimes.
• Expensive products have better service contracts.

So you could take a previous experience of theirs (or assume one) and describe an expensive product in different terms.

It’s good that you think rationally when buying products. I’m sure you have certain value requirements in the products that you buy. I’m sure you have bought many product that have turned out to be good purchases. Let me give you some more information about this product along those lines that can help you make a better informed decision.

OK, one more.

I can’t learn all these language patterns because they are too complicated.

Prior cause = Previous experience with difficult material, that didn’t turn out so well.
Reframe = You are somebody that isn’t afraid to tackle difficult material, even though you aren’t certain it will turn out so well.

Yea, they can be difficult, and I can tell you’re somebody who has tried things like this before. Other people never try anything unless that are guaranteed an easy success. But since you tackle things and then make up your own mind, you are much more likely to see the absolute power and usefulness of these patterns. In fact, I can’t think of anybody that could master these patterns faster than you could.

A good way to mentally practice this is to simply reframe events, three or four ways, as you see them. Just watch people doing things, things that you would normally judge negatively, and think of different ways to frame that behavior in more positive light.

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Sleight of Mouth language patterns have been used in everything from therapy and sales, to seduction and getting elected (even to President). You can use them in any situation where you find yourself up against a verbal objection, or an expression of limitation based on some model of the world.

Today’s pattern is called “Positive Prior Intention Framing,” and is a bit of a doozy. It may seem a bit presumptuous, as you are assuming you know something about why a person is saying or believing something. But in this case, you are assuming a positive intention, and most people don’t get offended when somebody assumes something about them that’s positive.

The basic structure is like this. Somebody has got this objection, or limitation. That means in their mind, the way they are thinking about something, there is a problem preventing them from getting what they want. Maybe they think they can’t afford a product, or maybe they don’t think they can successfully convince their boss to give them a raise. In their mind, on that particular topic, there is something out of reach, and some big hairy (imaginary) monster keeping them from getting it. Not the best state to be in.

Then you come along, and listen to and understand their (imagined) predicament and come up with a positive reason they have constructed their own predicament. They can mentally step back from the situation, feel more resourceful (as most people will generally agree, at least in part, with the positive assumptions others express about them) and have a much higher likelihood of figuring out their limitation, or coming up with a way around their objection.

Underlying this particular reframes is one of the presuppositions of NLP, namely, that behind every behavior or belief lies a positive intention. People don’t eat too much because they want to get fat, it’s because the food gives them comfort, and seeking comfort is a positive intention. People don’t drop out of college because they want to limit their options, it’s because they fear failure, and avoiding pain is one of the oldest positive intentions of human nature.

To use this conversationally, you’ll need to think of some positive intention, or some possible positive intention behind their stated belief or objection.

• What are they really after?
• What are they protecting themselves from?
• How has this helped them in the past?
• How can this help them now?

Then you phrase in a positive, complimentary way, and carefully show them that they are much more resourceful than they think. Their mood will improve, their outlook will become brighter, and they will discover resources and ideas they hadn’t thought of before (either on their own or with your covert help), and may very well convince themselves of another way around their imagined obstacle or limitation.

Some examples.

Stated limitation:

I can’t get a good job because I don’t have a college degree.

Possible positive intentions:

They want to maintain their safety. They don’t want to compete with others they consider “out of their league.” They want to stay with what’s familiar and known. They don’t want to get in over their head. They don’t want to try, and fail.

Possible conversational reframes:

So you want to get a job that’s stable, I can totally understand that. With today’s economy, focusing on maintaining a stable job is an extremely valuable trait to have. Many employers, in fact, are starting to shift their focus on from people with specific qualifications to those that can really focus and learn on the job, in order to create that stability both for the employee, and the employer. You might consider that when sending out your resumes.

Stated limitation:

I can’t find a romantic partner because I’m overweight.

Positive intentions:

Safety, security, emotional stability.

Reframe:

Sure, I can understand that. Nobody likes being rejected. It seems like more and more people these days are looking for somebody with exactly those characteristics. Somebody that is going to commit to something long term, rather than a short time fling.

Stated limitation:

I can’t learn all these language patterns, they are too difficult and time consuming.

Reframe:

Yea, I can relate. I hate studying all kinds of esoteric knowledge that has very little application. There’s only twenty four hours in the day, and you’ve simply got to decide what’s important and what isn’t. It’s good that you recognize that. Most people don’t. One of the reasons I like these patterns so much is that they make your communication so much more efficient, you don’t have to spend all day trying to convince somebody to do something. Just a few minutes is all you need.

(end examples)

A really good way to practice this pattern is to simply observe people you see. You don’t have to look very hard to see people that are engaged in behaviors and conversations that don’t appear to be very useful or healthy. Instead of judging, simply take a step back and imagine three or four different positive intentions behind their behavior.

Just doing this one exercise, even if you don’t bring it to the level of conversational reframes, has the interesting effect of making the world seem a lot less hostile.

And that can brighten your mood considerably.

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Sleight of Mouth patterns are incredibly useful linguistic tools to defeat any argument, overcome any limiting belief, or quickly smash any verbal objection that comes your way.

These patterns, when used together (there are 24 of them) will make you a linguistic ninja with a variety of tools to assassinate any argument that comes your way. (Nice metaphor, huh?)

Today’s pattern is called “Counter Example Framing”, and is pretty logical and straightforward. It is powerful enough to be used by itself, but when combined with one or two other patterns, you will virtually unstoppable.

In Counter Example Framing, you take the belief or the objection, and simply find examples where it doesn’t hold up. Frequently when people express beliefs or objections, they are framed in a “All or Nothing” structure, as if they are true for everybody all the time.

When you use a couple of counter examples, it can give them a bit of pause, as they start to realize that it’s really their map that is less than useful, and not reality itself.

Like the other patterns, be very careful when using this one, as you need to be careful of proving the other person “wrong.” Carefully suggest some other alternatives, and let your listener mull them over on their own, and come to their own conclusion (the exact conclusion you want them to come to).

Some examples

I can’t find a date because I’m too fat.

Being fat causes no date. (X causes Y)

So simply show some examples in your life, in their life, in other people’s lives where being overweight didn’t cause any problems.

That boy/girl in biology class likes you.
That big girl who works at the ice cream shop has three or four boyfriends/girlfriends.
So nobody who is over a certain weight can ever get a boyfriend/girlfriend?

I don’t have a college degree, so I can’t get a good job.

Yea, just like Bill Gates.
What about all the rich people that lived before they invented colleges, how did they get good jobs?
You had that awesome job in high school, and you didn’t have a college degree then.
Wait, doesn’t your boss not have a college degree?

Going on a diet and losing weight is hard. (X = Y)

Did you hear about that girl who lost 200 pound to win the love of her crush? She said it was the easiest thing she ever did.
People that exercise say that the endorphins created give them the most incredible feelings of pleasure you could ever experience.

Talking to girls is scary and terrifying. (X = Y)

I know this guy that can’t stop talking to girls. In fact, that’s the main reason he can’t keep a girlfriend for very long. He just loves talking to new people. Do you think it’s hard for him?

Your product is too expensive.

I know what you mean. I actually thought the same thing myself, and got a lot of grief from my wife when I first brought it home. But after we realized just how valuable it was, we were very happy that we decided to buy this.

Learning all these language patterns is difficult and tedious.

I read this book from this guy and he said when he realized how much more money he could make in his business with these patterns, he couldn’t wait to finish work so he could go home and practice. He said all he could think about was money and lots of time off from work as he studied these patterns. Now he’s the company president, and he only works about four months out of the year.

(end examples)

A couple of things may happen when you use these patterns. You might destroy their belief altogether, or you may uncover a deeper belief.

For example, the objection “I can’t meet people because I’m overweight” might not really be about being overweight. Being overweight is likely an excuse, and once you destroy the excuse with these patterns, you’ll uncover the real issue.

The other thing that may come up is you may encounter a belief about the world in general, but after reframing it with this particular pattern, the belief may shift to a belief about the person and his or her capabilities.

“Talking to girls is scary,” a global belief, or a belief about talking to girls in general, may shift to “I can’t talk to girls because I’m too scared.” Which is definitely a step in the right direction, because as long as somebody believes something is “out there” in the world, it can’t be changed.

Once you shift something to the personal level, it can easily be overcome with various other techniques. And often enough, when somebody else can do something, it’s a good enough model to work from to increase personal skill.

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Sleight of Mouth patterns have long been known to easily and covertly destroy any argument or limiting belief that you come up against.

First developed for therapy, they have since been used in sales and persuasion of all kinds. When you have a working knowledge of the Sleight of Mouth Language patterns, you will likely never lose an argument again, and never be at a loss when somebody throws up an objection.

Today’s pattern is called “Reflexively Applying To The Listener,” and is very similar in structure to the “Reflexively Apply To Self” pattern. The only difference is that instead of twisting the belief or objection around and throwing it back at the person saying it, you take the belief or objection and use it with your own examples.

As an added twist, you can apply the objection, or limiting belief to the particular conversation you are having, as your own limitation, so the person you are speaking with can see the objection or belief from another point of view.

Kind of like when somebody is wearing a goofy looking hat, only they don’t know it looks goofy until you take it and put it on yourself.

And like the previous pattern, you can either use this on the Internal State, or the External Behavior, whichever is more convenient.

Some examples.

I can’t succeed in business because I don’t have a college degree.

Well, I know a lot of people that are worth millions without college degrees, but since I don’t have one myself, I guess I’m not smart enough to explain to you how they got really rich.

So let me get this straight, If I come up with a brilliant idea for an invention, one that will easily make the manufacturer a billion dollars, they’ll still ask to see my college degree before they even take a look at the idea? I didn’t know that. I’d better give up on my plans then.

Wait, so the promotion I just got at work, despite not having a college degree, is fake? Why would they do something like that?

I can’t talk to girls because it’s too scary.

I’ve got this great method that will make it super easy to talk to girls, but I’m too scared to tell you.

Wait, talking to girls is scary? I’d better break up with my girlfriend then.

Hold on a second, I can’t do anything that scares me? That sucks. I guess I’d better cancel all my dates next week. I didn’t know that. Thanks for telling me. Wanna go hang out at the library or something?

Whenever I get stressed I eat too much junk food.

Hang on, dude, you’re stressing me out, I need a cheeseburger or I’m going to explode.

Really? I get stressed because I eat so much junk food. Does that mean I need to eat more on top of that? I’m gonna need some bigger pants.

Wait, you’re only supposed to eat junk food when you’re stressed? Damn. I’ve been doing it wrong. I usually hit the gym when I’m stressed. I’d better cancel my membership.

Learning all these language patterns is too hard.

You’re right. I’d better give back all those extra sales commissions I’ve been making.

You’re right. Let me call my boss and tell him that I really don’t want that promotion.

You’re right. I’d better call that model that’s way out of my league, and tell her that our date for next weekend is off. Wanna go hang out at the library or something? I hear they’ve a new fishing magazine.

I can’t buy your product, it’s too expensive.

Yea, it is pretty expensive. I don’t know what’s wrong with all those people that make less money than you that keep on buying it. Maybe they’re bad at math or something.

That’s true. I just hope the people that buy your products feel the same way, otherwise we’d both be out of business.

Yea, I agree, but please don’t tell anybody else. Otherwise I won’t be able to sell as many as I do to people just like you.

(end examples)

Because you are taking the belief on temporarily yourself, you are a lot less likely to offend the other person, so these are pretty good to use in any given situation. Just be careful you don’t go too far, otherwise they’ll think you are mocking them or something.

Just keep it light, and obviously humorous, and these should work pretty well. If you start off with this particular pattern, and then follow it up with one or two more, it should go a long way to completely disintegrating the belief of your listener.

Have fun!

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Sleight of Mouth language patterns are incredibly effective in overcoming objections, turning big issues into non issues, and covertly removing limiting beliefs in yourself or others.

Today’s pattern is called “Reflexively Apply to Self.” Since that definition is about as clear as mud, let’s take a closer look.

In this, the “Self” is the person saying or expressing the objection, belief, or argument that you’d like to easily demolish with your linguistic Jedi skills.

And the thing you apply, is their own stated belief. This creates a kind of infinite feedback loop,and sometimes is enough to break the pattern.

When I was a kid, my Dad bought this video camera. You could plug it into the TV, so you could see on TV what you were filming. If you pointed the camera at the TV, you saw an endless stream of smaller and smaller TVs going off into infinity. This is what this pattern will do to the mind of your listener.

So basically, the idea is to take whatever belief they say, and apply that same thinking right back at the belief itself.

For example, if the person says something like:

I don’t have a college degree, so I can never get a good job.

The belief is not having some kind of certificate or training, and that being a limitation of obtaining something deemed worthy and valuable (e.g. a job).

So to throw it back at the belief, you might say something like:

Did you need any special training or courses to come up with that belief? Or did you decide that without any professional assistance?

Or even more abstract:

Did that belief need a college degree to be true and shape the way you look at things, or did it just decide to do that without any “official” approval from some accredited belief creation review board?

Or if somebody says:

I can’t afford your product, it’s too expensive. (Expensive product means I can’t buy it.)

How expensive do you think it is to limit yourself to products based on a cursory review of their immediate benefits without taking a look at the long term value?

Was it affordable to buy that belief that seems to be controlling what you can or can’t do?

Or if somebody says:

I’ll never find true love, I’m just not an interesting person. (Me not being interesting means nobody will ever truly love me.)

Did that belief need to be interesting in order for it to convince you of it’s truth?

Do you truly love that belief enough to let it go, so you can share your uninterestingness with others?

That belief sure isn’t interesting, yet look how much you are attached to it!

Or if somebody says:

My parents were always poor, so I’ll be poor myself.

That belief doesn’t sound like it’s worth very much.

Is being poor very valuable to you?

Did that belief’s parents share similar outlooks as it, or were they completely different?

Keep in mind these particular reframes aren’t particularly logical, and sometimes don’t make a lot of sense. The way they work is by getting the listener to take something that perceived as solid, and written everlastingly in stone to pause and say, “Huh, wait, wha?”

This is often enough to show that their belief isn’t as rock solid as they thought it was. This can either be enough to let the belief or objection die a natural death, or to leave the door wide open for you to throw in some other patterns that can continue to weaken and eventually destroy this old belief or objection.

Usually, it’s best to just keep on talking while you get them in the “wait, huh?” state of mind. Otherwise they might circle their wagons around their belief and dig in for a protracted siege. This will have the opposite effect, as people’s beliefs are strengthened whenever they defend them.

Also, keep in mind to be very careful to not make your listener feel as though you are putting them on the spot, or using their own words or beliefs to insult them. There’s a fine line between coming from a point of curiosity, where you show your listeners beliefs to them in a new and interesting way, and taking them and throwing them back in their faces.

The first way works well, the second only works to make enemies, so be careful.

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Sleight of Mouth is an incredibly useful and powerful language pattern that you can easily use to overcome objections, covertly dismantle beliefs, and drastically expand any map of the world. This of course will give you (or your listener) a glimpse of a world filled with abundant resources rather than lack or limitation.

Today’s pattern is called “Reframe the Internal State.”

As used in therapy, the Internal State, (or IS) is generally used to described the persons internal feelings and judgements about themselves. For example, somebody may say that “I’m a loser.” They don’t say what happened in the outside world, they only describe their judgment about themselves.

In order to reframe this internal state, you allow them to keep their feelings and emotions, but you take the label “Loser,” and redefine it in terms that you are sure they won’t agree with.

Some examples:

I thought a loser was somebody who stayed in bed all day and drank whiskey, is that what you do?

My understanding of loser is somebody who hangs themselves after losing a friendly game of cards.

Losers are adults that immediately start stamping their feet and howling in agony whenever they don’t get their way.

When you combine this with the previously described pattern, Reframing The External Behavior ( or EB ) this can be extremely powerful.

One thing to keep in mind, is these labels “External Behavior,” and “Internal State” were originally coined as they were used in therapeutic settings. However, in the real world, which is “External Behavior,” and which is “Internal State,” can get a big murky, and in the end, isn’t really all that important.

Just keep in the mind that any belief is structured as “X causes Y,” or “X means Y.”

For “X causes Y,” you need to show that “X” doesn’t cause “Y,” it causes something else, or that “Y” isn’t caused by “X,” it’s caused by something else.

Similarly with complex equivalents, “X means Y,” you can simply do the same with both sides of the linguistic equation.

X doesn’t mean Y, it means something else. Or X doesn’t mean Y, something else means Y.

Let’s take a look at some examples, and attack them from both sides of the equation.

Not having a college degree means I can’t get a good job.

From one side:

Not having a college degree means you aren’t locked into your major, and that you can find a job that best suits your abilities, and then learn some really useful real world skills, that are worth a lot more money in the long run.

From the other side:

Being lazy and not continuously sending out resumes and going on job interviews means you can’t get a good job.

Being overweight means I’ll never find a romantic partner.

From one side:

Being overweight means that you have a lot in common with a lot of people, since being overweight is pretty popular these days. And having something in common with somebody is the strongest basis for any relationship.

From the other side:

Staying home and watching TV all weekend means you’ll never find a romantic partner.

Learning all these language patterns is time consuming and difficult.

From one side:

Learning all these language patterns will give you the most versatile, most profitable, and most charismatic set of skills you could possible have. Skills that will keep you well paid regardless of any economic or market conditions.

From the other side:

Going through life without any idea how to elegantly and persuasively get your ideas across to others so that they readily accept your way of thinking is not only time consuming and difficult, but costly as well. Stumbling through life and only blurting out hit or miss statements will certainly make it difficult for you to achieve any kind of financial security.

Keep in mind that the same caveat applies to these two patterns as all the others. Use them with curiosity, and above all, an honest and expressed respect for the other person’s beliefs. Nothing will make you enemies quicker than effectively attacking another’s beliefs from a position of superiority.

Your mission now, if you choose to accept it, is to find as many of these X means Y and X causes Y statements as you can in real life, and practice reframing them from both sides. A great way to practice this is to simply go through the day collecting them, and when you have time, sit down and come up with a couple reframes for each statement.

You can also practice these in Internet forums, and watch the sparks fly.

Pretty soon you’ll able to come up with these in real time, and you’ll really start to get a feel for their power.

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Most people, when they come up across an obstacle, or even worse, an objection, quickly fold and give up. Some try for the “hard sell” and continue to hammer away with the same statements (albeit slightly reworded) over and over hoping their poor listener will somehow change their mind, if only to shut them up.

But you, Dear Reader, will soon have the skills to not only overcome and literally obliterate any objection that comes up, but to deliver them in such a way that it will be the listener themselves that decides on the new way of thinking, often times without even suspecting it was you that loosened up their mind, allowing for new beliefs to get in there in the first place..

This is the power of the Sleight of Mouth patterns, the third of which is described in this here article.

The pattern for today is called “Reframing External Behavior,” and is a favorite of politicians. I’m sure you’ll begin to recognize it more and more after you get familiar with it.

Many beliefs, as expressed in the linguistic formulas of cause/effect and complex equivalent, are made up of an Internal State, and an External Behavior. Usually expressed like so:

• Internal State causes External Behavior

• External Behavior causes Internal State

• Internal State is (=) External Behavior

The trick is to take the External Behavior, and show that it means something other (and hopefully more beneficial) than the limitation that your listener thinks it does.

Let’s say your friend says:

“I’m not good at sports, so I don’t want to play.” To translate into an easy to disassemble cause and effect we get:

“I’m no good at sports so I won’t enjoy playing.”

So to reframe the “External Behavior,” or not enjoying playing, you might suggest to them that it’s not how well they do that brings pleasure from playing sports, it’s merely the competition.

How about another one: (External Behavior = EB)

Not getting a raise means my boss doesn’t like me. (EB = not getting a raise)

To reframe the External Behavior (boss doesn’t like me) you might say that your boss not liking you would be firing you, or something worse. Or you might suggest some other reasons they didn’t get the raise. Reasons that are beyond the boss’ control.

I gained ten kilos, that means I’m a loser. (EB = gaining weight)

Gaining ten kilos doesn’t mean you’re a loser, it is evidence that you are highly skilled at changing your body weight. All you need to do now is to put in the effort to change it in the other direction.

Making money is difficult. (EB = making money)

Making money is easy, just take a look at all the rich people there are in the world. In fact, there are many more rich people today than there were a hundred years ago.

Your product is too expensive, I can’t afford it. (EB = expensive product)

It’s not too expensive, it offers an incredible amount of value that will actually save you money in the long run compared to our competitor. Especially when you consider that you get free upgrades for life, something that no other company can offer.

My long commute every morning leaves me angry and frustrated when I arrive at work.(EB = long commute)

Actually, your long commute is a perfect time to listen to books on tape, or other self development CD programs that can drastically enhance your earning potential. This will make you more marketable, as well as allow you to earn a hire income so that you can live and work wherever you want.

Learning all these new language patterns takes too much effort. (EB = learning new language patterns)

Actually, learning these language patterns will give you an incredible edge in any area of life, allowing you to easily earn more money, become astoundingly persuasive, and gain substantially more personal power, which in the long run will save you much more effort than had you not taken the time to learn these unbelievably powerful patterns.

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If you’d like to develop irresistible skills of destroying any objection that comes your way or conversationally dismantling any limiting belief in yourself and others, keep reading.

This is a continuation in a series on the Sleight Of Mouth Patterns, which when used together can give you incredible skills of linguistic acrobatics, easily allowing you to carefully and respectfully dismantle any argument that is presented to you.

Today’s pattern is the Sequencing Strategy, and is very similar to the Chunking Down strategy. In with this strategy, you carefully walk with the other person through their map of the world to uncover exactly how they come across the belief, and what ingredients are put in, and in what order.

For example, if you were to ask somebody how to bake a cake, they’d give you a recipe, which is basically a sequential list of instructions together with a list of ingredients.

With this sleight of mouth strategy, you simply do the same thing with their belief. It’s important to keep in mind that with this particular strategy, all you’re doing is information gathering. The fun stuff like re-framing and out-framing and counter-framing comes later.

This is just to get a handle on the exact mental recipe they use to construct the belief. Needless to say, this requires a great deal of rapport. People are very defensive when it comes to their beliefs, even if they are beliefs that they admit that they’d like to change. It’s very difficult for most people to separate themselves from their beliefs. So when you attempt to dismantle their beliefs, it’s easy to take it very personally.

One way to do this is to become incredibly curious. Ask them how they know the belief is true, or how the belief comes up. For example, you can have a belief that “Dogs are dangerous,” but you don’t go around every day constantly thinking that dogs are dangerous. This particular belief only becomes operational when you run across a dog.

So get them to imagine a time when the belief was real. How did it feel? Where did they feel it? How did the feeling start? Was it sudden, or did it grow slowly? What external sensory information did they see or hear that triggered the belief?

For example, somebody might say that they can’t speak in public. Digging a little bit further through friendly conversation, you might uncover the following complex equivalents:

Speaking in Public is (=) Dangerous.

or

Public Speaking = Danger

So find out when do they feel that that belief is true? While watching people speak on TV? If something was dangerous then it may be scary to watch. Maybe it begins when they imagine themselves speaking. Then they may bring up a memory they had in third grade when they forgot a school speech and everybody laughed. Then they might remember losing a debate in college on the debate club.

These memories might create a tight sensation in their stomach, which may remind them of all the other times they were nervous and afraid. All this added together makes up a recipe for:

Public Speaking = Danger

Try to get them to describe it so that you can experience the same thing. Go through it with them, do whatever they do, and imagine and feel whatever they imagine and feel. If they recall a miserable time during show and tell in first grade, come up with your memory that is the closest match.

You’ll find that often times, this is enough to at least loosen the belief up so it doesn’t have as much power. Most people, when stating beliefs, think of them in terms of “out there.” When you get them to go through how the belief exerts its power, step by step, they sometimes get the idea (on their own of course) that they themselves are creating the belief.

When that happens, your work is done.

However, there are plenty more patterns you can use to completely obliterate any belief for good.

Stay tuned.

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This article is one in a series of training modules on Sleight of Mouth, an extraordinarily powerful set of linguistic tools that you can easily use to quickly defeat any argument, destroy any limiting belief in yourself or others, and overcome any imagined obstacle or objection that you come across.

In short, these language pattern will give you a tenth degree black belt in verbal Judo.

There are 24 patterns in all, and today’s pattern is called “Specificity,” or “Chunking Down.” This pattern won’t usually work on its own (although it does on occasion), but it is very powerful in ‘loosening up’ the mind of your listener, and give you some mental wiggle room to get in their and move ideas and beliefs around.

The basic structure is to ask questions in order to elicit more specific elements of the belief. Recall that these need to be in the form of “X causes Y,” or “X means Y” in order for these patterns to be most effective. It can sometimes be tricky to tease these out of your listener, especially if you are covertly or conversationally changing their beliefs.

Let’s look at some examples. Say a friend of yours says something like, “I don’t have a college degree. I’ll never get good job.” Or more likely, you will on the subject of high paying jobs, and they’ll simply say “Yea, but I don’t have a college degree.”

The implied complex equivalent, (X means Y) is:

Not having a college degree means ( = ) getting a decent job is impossible.

First of all, notice that the statement is framed as an established truth , and not only for the individual(e.g. getting a job is impossible, vs. I can’t get a job). This takes the pressure of him or her, and makes it a little bit easier to look at this belief more objectively.

In order to get more specific, (or to “chunk down” to use NLP lingo) simply ask questions for more details. Questions like:

• What degrees do you need?
• What jobs require what degrees?
• What kind of degrees? (Bachelors, Masters, PhD)
• What exactly is a decent job?
• How exactly do you know this?
• What information did you use to come to this conclusion?
• If I had to come up with the same belief, what would I have to imagine? What part of my past would I have to remember?
• Did somebody tell you this?
• Did you read about this somewhere?
• How exactly did you come to believe this?
• What age group does this hold true for?
• How do you know this is true? What pictures, sounds, feelings do you generate?
• Could you teach me how to reproduce those same exact sounds, feelings, etc?

This sounds like you’d be giving the person the third degree, so it’s best to ask these from a frame of genuine curiosity. As if you find the idea intriguing, but you haven’t made up your mind yet.

If you sound at all confrontational, or as if you’ve already made up your mind, the other person will shut down and go into defensive mode fairly quickly. To see this in action, go to any online forum, and hunt around until you find somebody expressing a limiting belief like this.

If you show up unannounced, and start firing off questions like the above, you’ll make an enemy real quick.

The trick is to ask the questions, and show no indication that you think the answers are right or wrong, or silly. Remain neutral, and curious. The idea is to expand the other persons idea of their own belief while feeling safe enough to talk about it.

Sometimes, if you can develop enough rapport, and refrain from ‘proving the person wrong,’ this can go to great lengths to weaken the belief so that it dies a natural death later on.

The most fundamental thing to keep in mind when using these patterns is to let go of any need to “take credit” for changing the persons belief. Your goal should be to covertly convince them to change their belief on their own, and honestly believe it was due to their own skills of introspection.

Your mission, then, if you choose to accept it, is to find some heavily trafficked forums regarding touchy issues (loveshack is a great one) and get some practice getting people to get more specific about their beliefs.

Just realize that more often than not, you’ll get a “Who the HELL are YOU?!” response. That’s OK. In this stage of your learning, it’s sufficient to just get a handle on the operational use of these patterns. Once you are more fluent with them, you can go back and practice using them with more elegance and finesse.

Have fun.

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You’re about to learn a set of skills that can instantaneously and obliterate any argument that comes your way, any objection that gets thrown up during a conversation, and any verbal obstacle you find in your path.

These verbal skills are so powerful that you will never lose an argument again, and if you happen to be in sales, you can easily double your closing percentages. They are a small subsection of NLP Language skills, skills that have been developed over the past several years for therapy, sales, and persuasion.

Namely, these are the Sleight Of Mouth NLP Language Patterns. When combined with Linguistic Presuppositions, and the Milton Model, they will give you irresistible powers of persuasion in any situation.

The basic premise behind the power of these skills is that any argument is in the from of either a “Complex Equivalent,” or a “Cause Effect” statement. If you haven’t watched the learning modules on the Milton Model, it would be a good idea to do so before you dive into these.

If you’re chomping at the bit to get to some powerfully persuasive language patterns that can easily destroy any argument, here’s a brief summary.

A complex equivalent is any statement that can be expressed as “X means Y,” or “X is Y.” Think of them as a linguistic equation, with one idea on one side of the equation, another idea on the other side, with the “is,” “means,” “implies,” etc. as the equals sign.

Anytime somebody expresses a limitation in that format, it is ripe for verbal destruction. If you are in sales, that means more money. If you are in a relationship, that means closer and more intimate communication, as you will drastically reduce the self imposed limitations in your partner. (And yourself,for that matter.)

A cause/effect statement is anything stated in the from “X causes Y,” or “X leads to Y,” or “X makes Y happen,” or any variation.

Being able to understand these in everyday speech is critical, and not as easy as it sounds. Most people will only express one half the equation, and you’ve go to be able to extract the other half from the context of the conversation.

You’ve also got to be very careful how you deliver these, as most people will become very defensive of their beliefs, and that’s what you’ll be destroying in many cases. When somebody feels their beliefs are under attack, they can take very personally. If you’re not careful, you can ruin any rapport you’ve developed and quickly find the opposite of your outcome coming true.

There are a total of 22 patterns, and in each subsequent post you’ll learn a new one. Take your time, and soak these up one by one. Once you start to learn these patterns, you ears will hear a whole new level of verbal communication, and you will begin to feel incredibly powerful with your language.

Most people, when they speak, simply blurt out a bunch of words, and hope they make sense. By combining presuppositions, the Milton Model, and now these virtually indestructible sleight of mouth patterns, you will be a force to be reckoned with. A Jedi Knight of Communication.

You’ll be amazed how horrible politicians are at getting their point across once you learn just a few of these patterns. While politicians have been known to use a few sleight of mouth patterns (whether they know it or not) they usually only use one or two familiar ones, and they quickly become ineffective, since they use them over and over again.

Your first assignment, should you choose to accept it, is tune your ears to pick up both complex equivalent statements, and cause/effect statements. TV programs, casual conversations with your friends, YouTube videos, or even politician speeches and TV news discussion shows.

Once you get the hang of picking them, up, take your time going through the following posts so you can learn how to dismantle any limiting belief or objection that comes your way.

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There is a proven law in the world of persuasion that is so effective, it allowed a cultish religious group to go from barely scraping by to raking in millions of dollars a year in donations. So much so that this particular organization was later busted for tax evasion.

This simple law has also been shown by waiters and waitresses in the know to drastically increase the amount of their tips, merely adding a few extra words during the time in which they take their customers order.

Even cultures are based around this law. Ridley, in his book “The Origins of Virtue,” described this as “gift giving as a weapon.”

What is this powerful tool? This irresistible law of influence that it has been used, even by you?

Reciprocity.

The aforementioned religious group was the Hare Krishnas. Before they discovered this law, they would simply ask people for donations in the airports. Most people wouldn’t give them the time of day.

But then they switched their tactics. They gave a small flower to their “mark,” and then asked them for a small donation. It’s important to understand they way they gave it to them.

Giving a flower, and asking for a donation sounds similar to a “you scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours kind of arrangement,” but the way the exchange happened, it was anything but.

The flower was first given, as a gift. No strings, no expressions of future expectation. Simply, “Here, this flower is for you.” Then they would ask if they could possible get a small donation.

They made no statement about the flower, or even motioned towards the flower. The two incidents, the giving of the flower, and the asking for the donation, were treated completely separately.

Once they Krishnas started handing out flowers, they money started coming in.

In a famous experiment described in Cialdini’s “Influence, Science and Practice,” this was shown experimentally several times.

It was set up with two people, A and B. Then a third person came in, C. B and C were in a room, looking at pictures, and writing down their impressions. C thought that A was doing an experiment, and B and C were participating in the experiment.

However, C was the only test subject, with A and B in on the game.

Half the time, B would disappear momentarily. He came back with two cokes, and gave one to C.

But all of the time, B would ask C if he would buy some raffle tickets for his kids baseball club (or some other club.)

The times that B gave C a coke a few minutes before asking, C bought a raffle ticket over 70% of the time.

The times that B didn’t give C a coke, he bought one less than 30% of the time.

A great way to use this law of influence if you are a waiter or waitress, is to give your customers some “inside information.” The apple pie isn’t so fresh, or the fish is actually frozen. They’ll appreciate the advice, and when it comes time to tip, they’ll be more generous. Reciprocity in action.

One thing to keep in mind, is that the feeling of reciprocity does have a shelf life. It generally dies very quickly, so if you are going to apply this law, keep in mind a couple things.

Don’t ask for the favor too soon after you did something nice. Then it will appear to obvious and underhanded. But if you wait too long, the effect will die out.

If you are on the receiving end, there’s not much you can do. Simply refusing a request, after you’ve accepted a gift is a hard thing to do. The best bet is to simply beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

Studies have shown that the more personalized, and unique a gift or favor is, the more effect it will have.

Buying a beautiful woman a drink at a bar may be a step in the right direction, but it won’t likely have any strong effect of reciprocity. Unless of course you do it in a personal and unique way. I suppose you could spy on her and watch what she’s drinking, and eavesdrop so you can learn her name, and then show up, call her by name, and give her her favorite drink, but that would probably be too creepy.

This works best in established relationships. If you get to know a person, and really get to know their likes and dislikes, then giving a personalized, unique gift can have tremendous effects.

The best salespeople are the ones that develop genuine relationships with their clients, and really pay attention to what they have to say.

Getting an automated email on your birthday is one thing, but sending a hand written note on a card, that speaks to who you really are will put you ahead of the pack.

This is one automatic hot button that you should be aware of in today’s world where we are seemingly surrounded by marketers. Pay attention to the giver, not the gift. What do they want? Do you know they well? Would you feel comfortable granting them a favor in the future?

As the saying goes, nothing is more expensive than a free gift.

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Imagine that you’re walking down the street on a lazy, Sunday afternoon. Maybe you’re going to the mall, or to meet up with a friend for lunch. You’re in no hurry. You’ve walked down this street many times before; you know all the shops inside out.

As you’re strolling down the sidewalk, you happen to glance a large crowd across the street. They seem to be clustered around the entrance of a particular store. You think you know which shop they’re in front of, but you can’t make out the name because there are so many people. The people all looking intently at the shops entrance. They’re not idly chatting amongst themselves, or starting mindlessly at their cell phones. A few seem to be standing as high as they can, stretching their necks to get a better view.

What is going on?

If you are curious at all, simply be reading this, then you’ve fallen prey to the irresistible pull of social proof. Had this been a real occurrence, there’s a fifty-fifty chance you would have crossed the street at the first opportunity to see what all the fuss was about.

The basic mechanism of social proof is that whenever in doubt; check your peers for guidance. The group usually knows best. At least that’s the assumption.

Sometimes referred to the herd mentality (perhaps a bit derogatorily), social proof is not something many would admit to falling under the influence of. When asked why you are wearing that particular clothing item, most people wouldn’t readily admit it was because everybody else was.

We humans don’t like to admit that we are sometimes mindless herd following automatons, going wherever the crowd goes.
But study after study shows that social proof wields a very powerful influence on personal decision-making. There are several different kinds of social proof of varying strength.

In the above example, you weren’t in any hurry, and it wasn’t dangerous nor did it cost you anything to cross the street to see what was going on. In this case, social proof can be very, very strong. Marketers love things like this, as it gives them nearly free advertising.

For example, if you were to click on Youtube, and see five or ten different videos, all with relatively the same title, and all with relatively the same thumbnail image, what would you use as your guide to decide? Most quickly check the view count, and simply choose the one with the highest views.

Social proof in action.

The strange thing is that although study after study bears this out, few people will admit to doing so. We like to believe we have rational reasons for doing things, and due to the wonders of cognitive dissonance, we actually convince ourselves that we made a rational decision microseconds after we were unconsciously swayed by social proof.

Is this some kind of deficiency of our celebrated human mind that has created language, culture, and spaceship to the moon?

Not at all.

Our brains and bodies (at least in their latest revision) evolved and were refined for hundreds of thousands of years in a time when our daily existence was a struggle for survival. For the vast majority of human history, we were a relatively nomadic people, having to deal with ever changing geographic and whether conditions. Uncertainty was a part of life.

So we developed an instinct to follow the crowd. It was safer, it helped us survive, and our ancestors passed down those genes to us.

Sure there were the non-conformists of the day who zigged when everybody else zagged, but they didn’t survive long enough to pass on any of those non-conformist genes. They either got eaten by tigers or fell of cliffs while the rest of the group was safely following the riverbed, in a large, protected group.

Even today, social proof can be an extremely useful tool. Once I took a trip to a foreign country, and I was at a complete loss of where to go to get my baggage. I couldn’t read any of the signs, and instructions had been given in a language I didn’t understand.

Luckily, social proof came to the rescue. All I did was follow everybody else, and stick close to people that I recognized from my flight. Sure enough, I arrived at the correct baggage carousel (there were about eight) along with everybody else. Social proof does have its benefits.

In other cases, social proof can take some time to take hold. Consider the following example.

In the 50′s in farm country in the United States, a new type of corn was created that yielded 20% more corn per plant. This would mean a direct increase in salable product by 20% for the farmers, without any increase in land or water use. The plants had been adequately tested and shown to consistently produce 20% more corn.

They gave the new seed to a few farmers, and despite their success, the neighboring farmers were reluctant to try it at first. Then they slowly introduced it into their crops, in small percentages at first. It took a full 9 years before all the farmers had switched completely over to the new crop.

In this case, the social proof of the farmers using and benefiting from the new seed was tempered by a sense of protection of their current state of affairs. Surely they wanted to increase their yields and their income, but they also wanted to make sure they protected what they had.

There are still plenty of ways that social proof is beneficial. It saves thinking time, and it ensures you aren’t making any horrendous mistakes. Be careful though. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “It’s better to fail with the crowd than succeed on my own.” This has tendency to limit your success in life.

Social proof is everywhere you look. In advertising, in the clothes that you wear, and even the precise moment you decide to cross the street, when waiting in a crowd.

Despite our vast advances in technology, science, arts, literature, space exploration and human development, we are still, at heart, pack animals.

One powerful way to make sure you aren’t getting sucked into anything is to try and imagine doing whatever it is you are doing, if nobody else was doing it.

Would you suddenly cross the street to look into that shop if nobody was gathered in front?

Would you wear that particular clothing style or brand name if nobody else was?

You’ll find that if you take the time to question your choices, and choose based on your own consciously determined preferences, and not those of the crowd, you will gain much more self confidence, as well as stand out from the crowd.

And pretty soon everybody else will be following you.

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The Milton Model is likely the most persuasive set of language patterns every designed, and can go a long ways in drastically increasing your influence and charisma in almost any situation.

But like with any tool, these can be misused. They were designed to be used in a therapy setting, where the listener was there explicitly to get rid of some kind of emotional problem. So they were very open to listening to the words of a powerful therapist to induce positive personal change.

But what happens when you are on the receiving end of these, and you feel as though you are being persuaded against your will? What happens when you are somewhat interested in buying product, but you really haven’t made up your mind yet? Is there a way to defend against them so you don’t go home with a product (or person) that you otherwise wouldn’t have?

Yes there is. The antidote to the Milton Model is the Meta Model. The Meta Model asks for specifics where the Milton Model is vague.

The Meta Model is a fantastic tool to get clarity in any situation where there is vagueness, but in this post we’ll look at it solely as an antidote for the Milton Model.

Anytime you hear a vague statement, there is something left out according to:

Who
When
How
Why
What
Which
Where

So all you need to do is to ask for specifics along these lines. Let’s go through some examples, along the lines of “dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market.”

Milton Model:

Many people believe that dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market.

Meta Model:

Which people? How did they come to that conclusion? What other methods did they try?

Milton Model:

It has been proven for many years that dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market.

Meta Model:

Proven how? By what methods? Proven by who? Against what standards? How many years?

Milton Model:

You can make money with dollar cost averaging.

Meta Model:

How much money? How long will it take? Has anyone ever lost money using dollar cost averaging?

Milton Model:

The more you study dollar cost averaging, the easier you’ll make money.

Meta Model:

Is there any other way to make money other than dollar cost averaging?
Has anyone made money in dollar cost averaging without studying?
Has anyone studied dollar cost averaging and lost money?

The basic structure of the Meta Model is to pinpoint whatever is vague, or whatever is left out, and ask for specifics. A fantastic way to get used to doing this is listen to any political speech, or read any Op/Ed piece in the newspaper or online, and see how many vague statement there are.

A vague statement, a statement that doesn’t specify the why, how, who, when, etc, is usually referred to a Meta Model violation. You’ll soon find that politicians, marketers, preachers, and persuaders or all kinds make their living through Meta Model violations.

Just be careful, though. While the Meta Model is a fantastic tool for uncovering specific information, it can be incredibly confrontational. Use caution when using it, and try not to use it on your friends. Only on salespeople you’d like to go away in hurry.

To see how antagonistic this is, go to any online forum where religion or politics is being discussed, and call out any Meta Model violations you see, from both sides of the argument. You’ll soon be the most hated member of the forum.

Most often, people use vague language not because they are consciously using the Milton Model for persuasion and influence, but because they really aren’t sure how to back up their opinions with facts or information. So when you use the Meta Model, most people will take it as a personal attack.

However, in other situations, when having an argument with a close friend or partner, the Meta Model, when used with kindness and compassion can be a great tool to find out what the problems or issues really are, so you can work through them and improve your relationship.

More information on how to use it in a positive light will be treated in a different post.

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The Milton Model is widely recognized as the most comprehensive set of language patterns that you can use in your daily conversations for powerful influence and persuasion.

Today’s pattern is called “Compound Suggestions.” It’s a great way to “sneak” a suggestion past the conscious critic of your listener, so that automatically take it as true without question.

The way to construct it is to make a statement, either by itself or set up with one or more other language patterns, and then follow it up with a statement that is going to be automatically perceived as true.

These true statements can be general truths, specific truths about the listener that you’ve already verified, or tag questions.

While the listener is unconsciously, (or consciously) pondering the first suggestion, you quickly make the second, obviously true statement. The truth of the second statement will bleed over to the first statement and will make it much easier for the listener to accept as true.

Some examples.

Exercise is the best way to lose weight, and staying healthy is important.

Here, “exercise is the best way to lose weight,” is the persuasive message, while “staying healthy is important,” is the general truth.

Dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market, and having enough money is very important.

So the persuasive idea is “dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market,” and “having enough money is important,” is the generally true statement.

To make this even more powerful, you can dress up your persuasive statements with as many other language patterns as you like, just so long as you finish your statement with something that is true.

Back to the “exercise is the best way to lose weight” example:

Many people have discovered that exercise is the best way to lose weight not only because it’s the most effective, but also because you don’t have to worry so much about counting calories or any other of that stuff. And being in shape is really important.

Idea = dollar cost averaging is the best way to make money in the stock market.

Expert money manager that have been around for a long time keep coming back again and again to the simple truth that basic, dollar cost averaging is the best and easiest way to make money in the stock market. And having enough money in your future is important, isn’t?

More and more people are starting to discover that by not only reading this blog on a daily basis, but also sharing it with others through the various bookmarking services available can drastically increase your ability to influence and persuade others, giving you the skills to increase your income and be more charismatic. And it’s good to improve yourself, isn’t it?

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The Milton Model is a fantastic set of language patterns that you can easily use to persuade and influence others through simple conversations. Today’s pattern is called “I’m Not Going To Tell You,” and is very simple, yet very powerful, as it can set up the right frame of mind in your listener for an effective persuasive communication.

When you say, “I’m not going to tell you,” the listener goes into a quick mini trance. Since you say you aren’t going to tell them anything, their mind switches off its conscious critic, or judge of what is being said. Whenever we are listening to somebody speak, unless it’s a close friend or family member, we are at least on some level, questioning everything they say to make sure it’s valid and not dangerous. This usually happens subconsciously, and when people are violating any imagined safety, we usually get an “icky” feeling when speaking with them.

When you say “I’m not going to tell you,” however, the implication is that it is completely up to the listener to accept or reject the next idea, and that takes the pressure off, and the listener switches into a kind of “what if” thinking that allows them to consider other possibilities

Some examples:

I’m not going to tell you to participate in this investment seminar.

I’m not going to tell you to lose weight with exercise.

I’m not going to tell you to practice these patterns on a regular basis with all your friends and watch in amazement at what happens.

You can also follow up your statement with many other language patterns. For example you can talk about some other people that have decided to take your suggested course of action and have had fantastic results.

I’m not going to tell you to exercise to lose weight. Even though many people have found that exercise really is the best way to lose weight, and they’ve saved a lot of stress and money over goofy diet programs and herbal remedies that don’t work, in the end it’s your decision to decide whether or not you’re going to lose weight.

I’m going to tell you to enroll in our online investment seminar until you are absolutely ready. Most of the tens of thousands of people who have made a considerable amount of money through our systems also needed some time to decide whether or not this is the right investment plan for you.

I’m not going to tell you to read this blog on a daily basis, as you are very busy and need to budget your time wisely. Most people who have decided to read this blog daily after deciding that the information presented her is priceless and can earn you a considerable amount of wealth and happiness also have time constraints. So it’s important to choose wisely, here.

I’m not going to tell you to click the “share” button, as that would be a bit presumptuous. I really have no idea if you’ve found this blog interesting, or if you think that the Milton Model can be used in your daily conversation to get fantastic results. I’ll let you decide whether you want to click the “share” button so that others can benefit from this free information as well.

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The Milton Model is widely regarded as the most effective and most powerful way to conversationally persuade and influence others. You can use it for virtually any purpose in any conversation you happen to find yourself in.

Today’s pattern is called “Open Ended Suggestions,” and they are good for generating some good feelings in your listener, either for and end in and of itself, or to attach that good feeling to yourself, your product, or your idea.

An open ended suggestion is a statement of potential about the future, without any limits on how it can be achieved or how much can be achieved.

These are great because they don’t violate or break rapport with your listeners “model of the world.” For example, if I said you can make some serious money in the stock market, and then started talking about some clients that have made 50% returns in one year, that may get mixed results.

To somebody who thinks that 20% is a dream come true, 50% sounds like easy money. But to somebody who thinks it’s possible to achieve returns of 100% or more, 50% may sound like chicken feed, or the slow road to wealth.

When you leave the amount or the limits vague and open ended, you allow the listener to fill them in with whatever they consider to be “a lot of money,” to use the stock market example.

Some other examples:

You can really make some pervasive changes in your life.
You can really lose some serious weight.
You can become incredibly charismatic.
You can become an expert in the Milton Model.
You can achieve fantastic results with the Milton Model.

None of these statements put any limits on how much of each particular thing you can achieve, or even how you can achieve it. Because the are vague, the listener will fill in the blanks with their own experience, thereby making it “real” for them. This will generate some pretty positive feelings about what’s possible in the future.

Now that you’ve to your listener or reader thinking in really good terms about the future, you can use it a couple of different ways.

If simply throw in statements like this here and there, pretty soon your listeners will start to unconsciously associate that good feeling with you. So much so that every time they see you, they will start to feel really good about themselves on an unconscious level. They will see you as somebody with a great deal of charisma and magnetism.

Many politicians have become successful simply because they made people feel good about themselves whenever they gave a speech or sound bite.

Another way you can use this is once you’ve got your listener thinking in positive terms about their future, you just start talking about the idea, course of action, or product you’d like them to consider.

Some examples:

Most people can earn a considerable amount of money in the sock market. One way to do that is through our Acme Stock Market Speculation Home Study Course.

People can achieve extraordinary success by small changes to their behavior. Many people have made positive changes at our seminars held around the world every year.

People can easily achieve massive success in any area of life through some simple applications of the Milton Model. Those that read my blog on a daily basis know that it is filled with countless strategies on how to do just that.

Many people can find wild happiness, wealth, and love through the application of Karma. One way people like to practice Karma is by clicking on the “share this” button below.

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The Milton Model is likely the most comprehensive set of language patterns and communication strategies for conversational hypnosis and persuasion. Any time you find yourself in a conversation where you’d like to lead the thoughts of your listener, these patterns are perfect.

Today’s pattern is called “Truisms About Sensations and Time,” and is very useful and versatile.

A “truism” is a vague statement that is true according to almost everybody.

Education is important.
Freedom is necessary.
Positive relationships are beneficial.

When you say things like this, people will quickly agree without needing to think about it too much.

When you make statements about sensations, and time, people will have to check their own experience to make sure it is true for them. And this does a couple of things

First, they will check their own history and make sure that it’s true, thereby using their own experience to verify your statements. This will create a great deal of rapport.

Second, simply by checking their memory to verify your statement, they will actually enter that particular state a little bit.

For example, if you said:

Most people can remember being completely and absolutely relaxed.

They will check their history to see if it’s true by remembering the last time they were completely and absolutely relaxed. And just by doing this, they will become a little bit more relaxed. You can also use this for excited, happy, curious, resourceful, or any other positive state you’d like them to access.

Statements of time work the same way. They are trance-like in that they require the listener to “go inside” and verify that they are true for them personally.

Example:

It takes time to learn a new skill thoroughly.

In order to make sure this is true, they will have to go inside and find a time that they learned a new skill, and that it took time. Even if it only took them a few hours, the learning didn’t happen instantaneously, so their experience will verify that your statement is true.

They will also remember learning a new skill, and this will put them in a more resourceful state.

A great way to use these patterns is to first use the truism of time or sensation statement, then make it personal to your listener, that is talk about them personally experiencing that truth in a unique way, and then follow that up with either a complex equivalent or a cause/effect pattern to lead them in a new direction.

Example:

Many people can remember what it’s like to be extremely curious. It’s like a natural human emotion. And I’m sure you have your own memories of being curious yourself. And I don’t mean curios for curiosity’s sake, I mean a time when you just had to find something out, and you wouldn’t rest until you did. Because you can remember that, now, you are likely a lot more prepared than most to get some massive and lasting benefits from our personal learning programs…

(end example)

Most people have read something they find really, really fascinating and beneficial. And as you read these words now, and remember what that’s like, you can imagine how much you can help others by sharing and bookmarking this post.

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